A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi,I met a girl little under 4 weeks ago, and since that time, we spent almost every evening with eachother. Today she had to move away to a new job, effectively putting an end to our "relationship". We plan to stay in touch, which I think is a nice idea, and a testimony to how much we enjoyed spending time with one another.Since kissing her goodbye one last time, I've felt a sadness within me. Given that we were only together a short time, I wonder if that is a natural feeling. I went through agony whenever my two year, long-distance relationship fell apart on me just over a year ago, and given the length of that relationship I considered my pain natural. But this time I'm not sure.How long do you think it will take me to get over this sadness? I know this is extremely early stages, but I would like to think that given our relationship was brief, I won't dwell on it finishing for very long. It might also be nice to go out and maybe start dating again, but I know that can be dangerous. How long would you advise me to wait before pursuing another romance? Obviously I don't want to jump straight into anything new at this time, but at the same time, I don't want to feel miserable without any companionship.
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male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (20 September 2008):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question The only time the pair of us discussed a Long Distance relationship was talking about past experiences. We've both been through them, and we both know how difficult they are. Particularly after the episode that Baby Duck mentioned, it means that I think I would struggle to trust her while she was far away. Credit to her, she wasn't really sure of what... whatever it was we had together was. Still, that was no excuse to kiss my so-called friend.
I've kind of accepted that things are over between us in terms of a relationship. Though sadly, I find that I miss her quite a bit. I don't cry over her, but inside I know that I really miss her company. We only knew eachother for 4 weeks, but my god, we had some lovely evenings together! All the dinners, all the DVD's... and of course, I hate not waking up next to her anymore.
I know I will get over it, but I hate that this is something I have to go through again. After breaking up with my 1st girlfriend after 2 years (LD), I spent the 2nd half of 2007, and the 1st half of 2008 trying to get over that, and it was just horrible. I felt absolutely fine whilst involved with my recent girlfriend, which was a sign to me that I was over my past experience and ready to move on. Maybe that was a mistake? I'd like to think not. I mean, I really loved my first girlfriend, but it feels like such a long time ago now, I'm not really sure what it is I miss about her. Either way, I'm still terrified of seeing her, or hearing from her again. For now, as I have done for a long time now, I want to completely avoid her.
Could I get your opinion on that, please? It would be nice to have some perspective on that :)
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (14 September 2008):
 How long is a piece of string? Seriously. The reason you feel sad this time around is because it is not a clean break. You have lost her due to circumstances beyond your immediate control and there seems from what you are saying no other reason than that; its an unclean break. You are left with the grief of loss; the dissappointment and frustration of all your hopes and dreams and loads of thoughts of 'what might have been' ontop of everything. Obviously you had high hopes for this relationship from the way you talk about testimony.
Was an LDR even discussed? I would imagine you would be reluctant given your past experience which is understandable but maybe you should stop and pause and wonder if it might not be worth trying to overcome that. In my eyes it would be better to try and fail rather than not try at all. However, if you decide not to go down that route then the best you can do is cherish the time you had together and move on when you feel ready. Good luck :)
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