A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok well this is kinda supper coplicated so i'll try to just keep it simple. im 15 and i have a bf thats 16 i live in florida but hes now moved all the way to oregon. but i still love him. now theres this guy that ive known for a while and really liked but hes 41 and i was messing around with him the other night and he started messing around back so we started to joke about it and jokeing about being horny and stuff (i really was)then he got seriose asking thinks like "but you think you could hangle that?" then " or you would like to try anyway" then i told him about my bf and he was like hes in oregon hunny im not gona pick up the phone and call him. so pretty much where fuck buddies. but i have a prob ive only had sex once befor and well this guy is BIG, 11 x 8 inch so does anyone have any advice of the best ways to streach? and also do you guy think that this is so wrong?i mean like other than the fact that he has a daughter older than me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): I had an affair when I was 16 with a 28 year old guy I had known for quite some time. We were very good friends first and are still friends. Bear in mind though that I live in the UK and what I was doing at 16 was perfectly legal. However there is a big difference between 16 and 28 and 15 and 41. I think you should end it now to be honest. Does he know how old you are? The reason I am suggesting you end it is the fact you would willingly cheat on your boyfriend. If this guy truly loves you and isn't a pedophile he will wait till you are 18 before starting a sexual relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): Western society considers this taboo, so they are unwilling to put any serious thought into it. Most people blindly react on their feelings when this topic is broached giving the typical socialized responses. If you'd like some serious thoughtful feedback, message me.
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female
reader, littlesuziepie +, writes (15 September 2008):
 Hey your still acting like someone that doesn't think clearly. I know its hard to come to terms with the fact that you were fooled by a man but you got to realize this.
Your getting pissed at us and were trying to help you. Is this how you treat your mother? Maybe that's why you don't like her. Since you can't take the truth or the fact that others older than you may know better than you.
You want an answer. You feel bad because you know this is wrong. Your cheating on your man isn't the reason at all. If you were going out and having fun with a boy your age you wouldn't be feeling so bad about it. The bad feelings are the hurt just starting... the confusion and pain this older man will cause you.
He will make you think its all good but won't ever take you anywhere. He won't introduce you as his woman. He will use you for what you can give him for now and when he is done with you he will break it off and your left feeling used. Hurt. Nasty and I know for sure this will happen.
No older man will ever fall for a girl your age and actually carry on a full blown serious relationship.
He can't. He would go to jail in a heart beat if anyone found out and he know this is true.
So if you want a meaningful wonderful relationship go find a boy closer to your own age. And stop getting pissed at us for helping you. Jesus. That's what were here for. Really
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): When I was your age I was in a similar situation and slept with an older guy, at the time I felt it was wrong but acted on my emotions. It only lasted a few months but now that I am older I see that although I thought I was mature enough for the relationship with an older man I now see that he manipulated me and was a pedophile. Trust me, move on, date guys your age or under 5 years older and you will meet a great guy, a normal guy. When you become a mom you will have a lot of anger at the older man who took advantage. He is an adult and is manipulating you.
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female
reader, lilgirly  +, writes (15 September 2008):
 ohhh i'm very sorry i'm pessing you off.. go to him he can make you feel a lot better:)uffff...... if this is a real question.. well i can't believe you're even asking it! you know it's wrong ....and you already know the comments you'll get when you post it right here:) so why do it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): A 15 year old girl thinks she's in love with a 41 year old pedophile, but doesn't think he is a predator, because "he's a family friend."
No 15 year old is that stupid.
I'm 15, and dont believe this for a second.
You come to this site for help, yet you lash out at the very true and helpful answers?
My advice: Get a life, and stop acting like a immature brat.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): I'm sorry you're being faced with a difficult situation like this. You don't sound like a stupid child to me.
But honestly, you DO sound like a girl who has gotten in over her head.
The reason that you're getting such a consistent wall of "This is wrong!" answers, is because unfortunately it's the truth. It's not wrong because people don't want you to do it, it's wrong because it will hurt you in the long run.
People are calling you immature and stupid. I don't agree.
But they are calling you names like this because you're expressing a viewpoint that only an immature or stupid ADULT would express. And that's the point, you're not really an adult yet. You're a normal teenager. So you've got fully-adult sexual urges and fully-adult intelligence, but only teenage maturity & experience to control it.
It makes perfect sense for you to think this is fine right now, but YOU WILL NOT STILL THINK THIS WAS FINE A FEW YEARS FROM NOW.
Please, if you don't take our advice, at least read it all and give it a hard thought. We have no interest in picking on a total stranger if it wasn't warranted.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): you love someone that wants to ruin your life? - and IS RUINING YOUR LIFE? you do not love him. - you thinking you love him is what HE IS MAKING YOU THINK! Its even worse with the fact that he's known you a long time!!!! You really need to understand and listen to EVERYONE ON HERE! - if you dont want to believe what we are all saying, then ASK YOUR PARENTS!! TEACHERS!! THE COPS!! They will all say exactly the same thing. This man is dangerous and will prey on other young girls- you need to understand that. No matter how sweet he is, how caring he is, how much you think youre in love with him- remember what we have all said. Remember that he is preying on you. That it is all an ACT. this man is ill. You really need to understand this. If you dont, go to a doctor, or someone you can talk to and can trust. Seriously. We are not having a go at you, all of us on here are not saying the things just to piss you off. We generally care and would not say the things we do unless we meant themHe belongs in jail. Simple as.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): im a teen cheating on my boyfriend with a man in his 40s. is this wrong?surely you've answered your own question there
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno its not a joke and u know what u are all pisseing me off hes a family friend that ive known since i was 5 hes not some fucking child molester and im not doing it caz i think its "cool" i love him 2 thats my dilema
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female
reader, littlesuziepie +, writes (14 September 2008):
Oh my god child. Don't you see his lies and his manipulation? You probably don't because your a child. You don't know what he is doing to you but he knows. He knows exactly what to say and exactly what to do to make you have sex with him.
On top of the fact that he knows its wrong and he knows it will hurt you mentally and physically and he knows it will ruin you and its sad that you think he likes you because he wants to hurt you for his own pleasure.
He has a child older than you? That's crazy because would he want some older man hurting his child? Probably not.
Ewww this is creepy and you need to get away and fast. Don't even talk to this guy again. If you don't want to talk to your parents about it then don't. Talk to the police so this doesn't happen to anyone else. Never be afraid or asshamed to tell because is adults know that you being 15 didn't understand why or what you got into
You can't be held accountable only he is. Even if you took your clothes off in front of him and asked for it we would expect he would close his eyes and direct you to dress and leave after telling you how flattered he is that you want him but he could never hurt a child that way.
He would be a real man if he did that. Right now he is a sick and perverse man that needs to be in jail.
Protect your self. Now!!!!
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female
reader, lilgirly +, writes (14 September 2008):
i'm sure this is just a joke...:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok u know what ur all kinda annoying me now he isnt a fucking child molester hes a family friend that ive known since i was a 5!!! and ye i do love him 2 thats my dilema i love him and hes here and i love my bf but sadly he moved to oregon. and i know its wrong to cheat i know that thats y i feel guilty but idk im just conffussed now
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): Okay, sometimes when I read a posting like this, I do find it rather unbelievable. There is a lot of things that appear to be said just for the sake of 'shock value'. To get us old Auntie's riled up. So I am doubtful. But, *sigh* then I remember there are sick, perverse, older people in the world, who really have an 'affinity' for having sex with adolescents and children. So I have chosen to think, whether or not, this is a true life incident, then hopefully 'someone' out there in the DearCupid readership and this young, rather naive poster, herself..will benefit from the below advisements of the Aunts on this page, then I will inclue my 2 cents.
Hun, it's quite normal, for young teen girls to want to fantasize about trying out their sexuality on an experienced adult male. usually 20 something males) But many older guys will repel a teen females advances. Why? Because, it's unsettling and disturbing to most mature, sensible, decent adult males. And if a older guy wanted a teen child to have sex with--many would head straight to a psychiatrist's office, knowing they had these desires for a 13-15 year old female. So if this posting is the truth, then you my dear, are in the hands of a predator..a very unbalanced, sick man and you need to tell your parents and the police of what is happening to you, asap.
This man is playing a manipulative, predatory game with an underaged female, who are too young for him to be playing with. He likely won't stop just at you, either. Why? Because many young females like you, get easily intimidated by an 'older, more sophisticated' adult man. If he continues to go unreported to the police, he gets to carry on the illegal sexual abuse of teen girls. Why don't you stop him in his tracks. You need to tell your parents. Because as it sits right now, this man will continue this behavior, as there aren't escalating consequences for him. If you were to probe a bit and talk to him, you might just find out you are not his 'first' underaged, illegal. If you don't tell your parents and the police about him...he has no serious reason for stopping this illegal and emotionally hurtful activity and another child molester, stays out on the streets, finding more prey. Simple as that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): What makes me sick is that girls like you make it so they think its ok to do this when its not. And girls like me who are raped are put down to liers because of you and people alike u should be discusted in yourself!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): for this man to even suggest something sexual to a 15 year old is just disgusting. Do not have any more contact with this man. You need to be out having fun with boys around your own age. one word; peadophille.Theres a place where men like that need to go - JAIL
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): THIS GUY IS ABSOLUTLY SICK IN THE HEAD.
Honey you need to tell someone- anyone because this is ILLEGAL. It is so wrong I cannot stress it enough. Like the others have said, it is not your fault and it is HIM that is in the wrong because it is him that will have the power over you. He needs to be locked away. When you get older you will understand justhow wrong this is and if you do not do anything about this and do not tell anyone than this man will do it to other young girls. He cannot get away with it. In my mind HE is disgusting and sick in the mind if he can possibly do anything or have any kind of emotional or sexual relationship with underage girls.
GO TO THE POLICE/COPS AND TELL THEM. HE NEEDS TO BE IN JAIL.
PLEASE, please go and tell someone about him. You may think you dont want anything to happen to him or whatever because you have feelings for him but sweetie this is terribly wrong. He belongs in jail with all the other kiddie fiddlers. Please tell someone. It is illegal.
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (14 September 2008):
 Yes, as you can see from comments below, it's wrong. You're underage, and while somehow two 15 year olds having sex seems sort of ok, a 41 year old and a 15 year old girl is definitely NOT. And as for the stretching question ....!!!!! You don't WANT to stretch! Why would you want that to happen to you???? It's just pretty vile. Honestly, you need to just get away from this guy - tell him it's wrong. He very much knows it is wrong, as well, but he's just horny. There are lines you don't cross, though, and he is crossing one now.
Write this off as a once-only thing and forget about him. Concentrate on your boyfriend, or find a boyfriend closer to home (and to your age!!).
I know this older guy might seem cool and sexy, but trust me, he isn't.
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female
reader, Aunty Em +, writes (14 September 2008):
 You sound so innocent in your post to the extent that it's freaky.
1# Since when is it right to cheat on your boyfriend? If you weren't ready to commit to a long distance relationship, you should've stated so there and then when your boyfriend left. You would've then, at least, have been a free spirit - free to do what you like! and wouldn't have come across half as floosy as you have done in your post.
2# To fool around with someone else, and be willing to ask advice on how to 'stretch' for him couldn't possibly mean you 'love' your boyfriend. You're being silly.
3# Your friend is 41. I'm very well within reason for relationships with age gaps - providing the two people sincerely want to be with each other, and that they are both above the age of legality. You however, fit in to neither of those categories dear. You're being very childish by floating while your boyfriend is away, and willing to give yourself up to this man - society would call him a peadophile.
In my own personal opinion - as I am positive plenty of people would agree... YES this is wrong. We maybe, just maybe could sympathise on your behalf if you claimed to be 'in love' with this guy. But you haven't, and I don't believe you are. The mere fact you asked this question is just odd. Can you not see it yourself?
As for the 'stretching' - you are fifteen. Your body is STILL developing quite frankly, although it might not seem it. You are still a growing girl. Yes, a girl! If anything - just wait 3 years. Please.
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (14 September 2008):
 I don't even know where to begin how wrong this is.
A 41 year man messing around with a young teenager is called child abuser/predator.
I know you might not think it because you have feelings for him, but you have to understand that he is way older than you and he knows how to manipulate your thinking, feelings, and even attraction.
He knows this is illegal. Laws like these are made to protect you because at 15, it's hard to stand up to protect yourself. Especially against a 41 year old man.
If you trust your boyfriend and he is kind and understanding, then i suggest you open up to him and tell him the truth what happenend. Together, he can help you go to a trusted adult who will help you call the police and put him in jail.
If you don't want to tell him, you have to tell someone , hopefully Your parents. Whatever the case, please know that this is NOT your fault. You don't sound like you feel you've been assulted in you post, but one day you
will look back and see how wrong all of this truly is.
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (14 September 2008):
I don't even know where to begin how wrong this is.
A 41 year man messing around with a young teenager is called child abuser/predator.
I know you might not think it because you have feelings for him, but you have to understand that he is way older than you and he knows how to manipulate your thinking, feelings, and even attraction.
He knows this is illegal. Laws like these are made to protect you because at 15, it's hard to stand up to protect yourself. Especially against a 41 year old man.
If you trust your boyfriend and he is kind and understanding, then i suggest you open up to him and tell him the truth what happenend. Together, he can help you go to a trusted adult who will help you call the police and put him in jail.
If you don't want to tell him, you have to tell someone , hopefully Your parents. Whatever the case, please know that this is NOT your fault. You don't sound like you feel you've been assulted in you post, but one day you
will look back and see how wrong all of this truly is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): sorry.meant to say 3 more years.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): You SERIOUSLY don't know the answer to that question???????
Well,here it is:YES,IT'S WRONG!Don't you watch the news or
read the paper?!If you don't,then you need to.There are
stories like this almost everyday on the news or in the paper.A guy just like him goes to jail for having sexual relations with an underage girl(you).You need to stop this right now.It's not right,and is just crazy.If you want to be with him,then keep your legs closed and his hands off you for 2 more years.You can wait,can't you?!I can't believe I read this.It's unbelievable.You're messing around with a perv and you have no guilt,just questions on how to make sex better.Your boyfriend trusted you and you
took it away.If you really love him,then tell him the truth
about everything that happened.He deserves it.I gave you
your answer.Now store it in your head and do the right thing.
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female
reader, Jinsara +, writes (14 September 2008):
this is very wrong. you can't have your cake and someone elses to be frank.
you need to come clean to your boyfriend or break it off with him.
and what you are doing with this older man is illegal - if you're only 15 and he is 41 then he is raping you and he could get prosecuted. Not to mention unwanted pregnancies etc etc.
please stop having sex with this man.
love j x
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female
reader, supermum +, writes (14 September 2008):
 im sorry to say that it is very wrong and illegal. This guy could, and should be arrested, and you should be thinking about your bf. Call the police, tell your mum or something... if he gets away with it with you, he might pray on someone younger, and besides, you are worth more that a big fat heavy 41 year old crushing your spirit. Please see sense, i beg you, you can do so much better, if you cant be with your bf, dump him and find someone your own age, just not a 41 year old....
what would your bf say? his daughter? wife or family?
your family? Please get out of this right now
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