A
male
age
36-40,
*enny202
writes:Dear cupid.Am kind of confuse about my relationship right now my girlfriend wokeup one morningand told me she don't want a boyfriend any more that we can just be friend and noting attached to it. I ask her the reasons but she never gave any reason.she also said i have not done anything wrong to her. We are 7months old in our relationship. what will i do? should i accept to be her friend or stay away from her to get another girl. please is urgent. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (14 September 2011):
Hi there. Perhaps she has decided she wants to do some other things with her life - like travel - and she feels that to be in a relationship would not be fair to you, if she was going to start travelling around the world.
It's just a thought.
If you haven't had an argument or a serious falling out between you, it seems like she sees another path for herself - for now.
Don't take it personally, it's just a process she needs to go through.
She might be getting so involved in her relationship with you, that she thinks that it's moving too fast for her.
She might be realizing that if she got into a serious relationship right now, that she might not be able to follow her dreams. Because once you get married, many dreams might never happen. Life gets too hectic.
If she did stay in the relationship now, then it lead to marriage in a couple of years, then children after that, it's very likely that some dreams might get forgotten, never to see the light of day again. That would be a terrible disappointment - for both of you really.
So there's a few ideas to ponder over.
There's nothing so bad about being friends, instead of boyfriend and girlfriend. It's not like you are enemies.
In fact, it gives you back your freedom - to do what you like, how you like and when you like.
This would be a perfect time for you to begin following some of your passions.
Remember, things in life always happen for a reason.
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (14 September 2011):
she's breaking up with you and by wanting to be 'friends' she's either trying to be nice cos she may have a personal belief that ending contact would make her a 'bad' person. Or maybe she wants to keep you around as a backup in case she can't find anyone new, which would be selfish of her. The point is that her proposal to be just friends, is for her benefit not yours. She's making decisions for what's best for her (which is not wrong of her to do that if she's doing it with honesty and integrity), so you should similarly make a decision for what's best for you now.
it's entirely up to you if you want to stay friends with her or not, or what such a friendship would entail.
realize that most people can't simply take their romantic relationship one level down just like that. Usually when ex's are able to become friends it happens after a period - some times a very long period - of real breakup/separation/ no contact during which they each individually move on with their lives and truly don't need each other anymore. and THEN in the future (sometimes in the far out future) they can slowly restore a friendship because now both people have already moved on and see each other differently.
Your gf may have already gotten to that stage which is why she's the one breaking up with you. she's already mentally prepared to be just friends. But obviously you're not because it wasn't your idea to do this.
So the ball is in your court if you want to be friends with her now. If you can't, then you should break up for real and only in the distant future when you've moved on then consider if you want her in your life as a friend.
what you dont' want to do is say OK to being friends when you're really not OK with it and are just doing it cos you dont' want to be alone and any contact with her is better than none. Or because you're hoping that maintaining some contact with her will increase the chance she'll want you get back together as a couple. This isn't a good idea, this will ensure you can't move on and make the 'friendship' complicated for you because you'll always be watching her like a hawk hoping for a sign she wants to get back together. that's no way for you to live. If this is what you're likely to do then you should just break up and not stay in touch.
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A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (13 September 2011):
 OK, she wants friends which means she has broken up with you. So, what you do now is say, "I don't do friends" and then walk away. You may be surprised at the effect this has. In any case, if you go for the friends then you will barely see her anyway. Its a way of breaking up.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (13 September 2011):
 In my experience this was just the nicest way she could think of for saying she is breaking up with you. You should just move on from her, you'll want another gf soon enough and it is best not to have her still being a part of your life possibly holding you back from someone else. You said you have been together for seven months now so unless you were friends long before you two started dating there isn't much of a chance to have a friendship. It can work but you both have to agree upon it so there is no jealousy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): I think that if someone breaks your heart it is impossible to be friends after. So I say that you just fade away out of her life, not in a mean way. Just drift away from her and move on. There are a lot of other women out there.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 September 2011):
 I don't believe this is an "either/or" situation.... That is..... You can stay away from her... (not be too close and available to her).... AND you can look for and consider taking time with another girl who strikes your fancy, and who might have an eye for you....Good luck...
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