A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have a girlfriend who i love very much and she says she loves me, she works nights in people care and exhausts herself doing it to pay her mortgage and bills and the money is not going far enough so shes started asking me for money to make up the shortfall etc its starting to cause rows and i dont want to lose her what should i do, we dont live together as i have a house and mortgage but can manage quite well on my income
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male
reader, bluetygre  +, writes (3 February 2011):
She is a gold digger and only wants you for your spare cash, just run away as hard as you can.
A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (30 October 2008):
 Why does she say you are cantankerous? Why did you break up? Was it just because you refused to give her money? How long were you dating her? Please update us and let us know what is going on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): she now says im cantanceras and we have finished but i still love her very much
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A
female
reader, Gio  +, writes (28 October 2008):
Hi, just be careful, money can and does get in between people. If you are not living together and have long term plans, I don't see why she should get angry or have rows with you if you don't lend her the money. It is not your 'duty' to pay for her bills or debts. You don't mention how long you have been together for, I am assuming not too long? if so, even more of a reason to be careful.
Take care
Gio
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (28 October 2008):
Unless you are in a very serious relationship, as in planning on getting married or living together, then I think it is inappropriate for you to be paying her bills. If you live together than her bills are your bills and it is appropriate to pay. If you are engaged then you are going to spend the rest of your life together then helping out a little would be fine. Paying bills is a sign of commitment and unless or until you are making that long term, actual commitment to each other to live together and/or spend the rest of your lives together you should NOT be paying her bills. Right now you have your own bills to pay and she should be responsible for her own. How long have you two been together? What did she do before when you werent around? I would be very wary of being used.
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A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (28 October 2008):
 I must say I too find it strange that you would give her money while you're having your own bills. Have you been a couple for long? Why do you live in separate houses?
If you have been a stable couple for long time I think it could be fair to help each others out now and then while hard times even though you've decided to live separately. But if you just met, or the relationship isn't so serious yet, then no. If she has much less than you, then maybe you could just pay more around stuff you do together, like on dinners out or so, but not give money to pay her mortgages.
Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (28 October 2008):
 Maybe i'm cold hearted but if you're not living together, why the hell is she asking you to give her money? I wouldn't be happy about that either I dont blame you.
You have your own bills, you pay them, you dont go expecting her to fork out for you. Why should women feel its their right to have blokes giving them money?
If she is struggling then she needs to find a permanant way of sorting that. Otherwise you will be carrying her for a long time yet. Mortgages last years!
Just hope she's not a gold digger.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): Why can't you help her out? if you got enough money? If my boyfriend was having money problem, I would help him out and expect the same back from him.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (28 October 2008):
You could always agree to lend her the money if you don't see her as someone you'll be with forever.
Or could you perhaps buy a share of her house and give her a cash payment?
If she can't manage her mortgage then she should talk to her bank about maybe taking a break or going onto an interest only arrangement for a while. That way she is paying off the interest every month and paying much less but the bank keeps the original debt which she can pay off when she gets a better job.
Good Luck!! xx
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