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male
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anonymous
writes: This is a long and winded question. My girlfriend and I of four years recently split up terribly. Over the past four years her and I were best friends, companions and talked about everything to eac hother. For four years I truly felt like I knew this person as she told me I was the only person she ever felt she could be herself around. Until about two months ago.Before we broke up she had been telling me that she only wanted to be with me and that I was the love of her life and she would never leave me. Then she went to visit her brother up at school and cut me out of her life completely. Since then I have been horrible.First...over our entire relationship she hated people who drank and never wanted me to drink...now she is an alcoholic and goes out drinking every week.worst yet. she has completely cut me out of her life. Just a day, and I mean less than 24 hours after telling me that I was her best friend...she cut me completely out of her life. I have maintained no contact...she has called me and left messages to meet up and talk so I said I would. We had always been incredibly friends so I thought after two months we could atleast talk things out.When I first saw her standing there waiting for me I didnt even recognize her, and I honestly had no feeling for her. Over the discussion which was the worst the of my life...I found out terrible things from her. That she had been unhappy since a year into our relationship and had lied about her drinking and a lot of other things. Never cheated on me though.This was a a girl who was part of my family, and I was for hers. We had just recently gone a cruise together weeks before she left. But now she has a whole new set of friends, goes out drinking, and even has a guy that she is missing. In her aim profile it says "I miss you tb."has anyone ever encountered this before? I am talking a completely change in her in days. Although I know that isnt the case, it was like that to me. I feel cheated, hurt and just all around duped. She told me she wanted to be friends with me but I told her that I have never met another human being that was as disgusting and cruel as her towards another person in my life. She had cut me completely out her life and had sent me text messages that were cruel and nasty. I told her that this would be the last time I ever want to see because the person I knew is completely dead. To be honest I dont mind that we broke up as much as that I lost my best friend. The last thing she said to me was that she will always need me in her life. I told her she had to let go, and that after as cruel as she treated me I just hope her and I are around long enough to make peace with eachother. My friend ran into her at the mall the next day and she just basically trashed me even though the night before she was saying how much she needed me in her life. She said that I looked like shit (I lost about 15 pounds and I was only 140 before we broke up) and that the conversation didnt go anywhere and that me not wanting to know her was "my loss." My friend also was flabbergasted at her nastiness as he had known us to be close for so many years.When we talked that entire time, it was surreal. It didnt even feel like I knew her anymore and just looking at her I just didnt seem to know her at all. I guess this is very common but for some reason it hurts alot. I really dont know how to feel at all.My question is. I want to move on. But she really was my only true friend. How do I trust people in the future. 3 years of lying and deception makes me feel disgusting and used.
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male
reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (4 December 2005):
 Hi,
Nice going fairyangel, I was just about to suggest that – this behaviour is symptomatic of someone who has just turned to drugs. It looks likely that it was her brother who introduced her to them.
Don’t beat yourself up, she has just decided to take her life in a different direction, one you aren’t welcome to join, nor should you aspire to.
I am glad that you say you honestly had no feeling for her – this will make this a little easier for you to remove her from your life - completely
If your only question then is how to trust people in the future, all is not lost, not everyone turns to drugs in such a way (A lot of this depends on where you live, of course), and even those that do experiment, it is quite unusual for such a transformation to take place over such a short period. And even then, it would be unusual for someone to suddenly change while in a long term relationship and suddenly decide to break up.
So consider yourself extremely unlucky that it happened to you, but don’t think that all relationships are going to turn out like this, they don’t.
A
female
reader, Taija +, writes (4 December 2005):
 i guess you can find someone who deserves you better if you want to move on then just go ahead and do it when you feel the time is right dont let her pull you down and bad mouth you stick to your friends you have now and believe that you want to move on even if you cant trust someone for a while there are plenty of people out there for you who deserve your friendship and devotion more than how she is treating you you dont need someone in your life who does that and obviously dosent care about you and your feelings. tell yourself you deserve better and you will meet someone who is devoted and nice and honest to you. just dont pull yourself down. hope this helps good luck :-D
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A
female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (4 December 2005):
 It honestly sounds as if your ex- girlfriend is under the influence of something more than alcohol, if you ask me.She is displaying the behaviour of someone on drugs, and she is just bad news for you, i'm sorry to say. Cut your losses now, while you still have a little of your dignity intact, the little bit she has not already destroyed.It is HER LOSS not having you in her life anymore, after what she has done to you, dont even attempt to maintain a friendship with her, cut her loose and let her fly...right into a brick wall, is where she is heading.Stay strong, take care and be happy, you deserve to be.
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