A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a really nice women since May and although she told me a few months ago that she is going on holiday soon with her ex husband and their two children there is something niggling at me about the situation. She says it's easier if the two of them go as she couldn't manage by herself (both financially and practically) but I've started to feel increasingly insecure about the situation over the last few months due to various other things that just don't sit well. Although my Girlfriend told me at the beginning of our relationship that she was separated but not yet divorced, it has only recently came to light that they have been separated now for over 6 years. When I asked her why they aren't divorced she put it down to apathy on both of there parts.She told me fairly recently that her ex husband had hinted at getting back together with her not long after we started dating although she knocked him back. Up until very recently I was been kept a secret from her ex, despite the fact that she told me that he has a girlfriend? On quite a few occasions after staying over I've been rushed out the door because he was coming over the next day with the kids (whom I've met. Whilst I could understand that maybe she was trying to avoid any awkward situation something still doesn't feel right.Sometimes when I call her the ex husband has been there to pick up there kids, and often when this has happened she has ignored my phone calls and called back later after he has gone. However recently she has answered a couple of times and has acted and spoken differently when on the phone (like I was one of her girlfriends) Recently she sent him a text by mistake that meant for me and now our relationship is apparently out in the open although I'm not sure what if anything has been mentioned or discussed. She looked mortified when she told me about sending the text and started to show me it but then quickly pulled the phone away. I am also separated but have been totally honest with my girlfriend in regards to the current situation with my wife and child. Although I have met her children I'm not sure yet that its a good idea for my girlfriend to meet my child as I'm not sure yet if I fully trust her.Please can someone tell me if I'm reading too reading too much into things? She is due to go on holiday with him very soon and whilst I think I should talk this out with her I'm not sure if I'm better to do it now (before the holiday) or after she is back?
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divorce, has a girlfriend, her ex, insecure, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (10 September 2015):
 This woman is sitting nicely on the fence! Enjoying the security from her husband [yes she is still married until the divorce is final] and getting her thrills by having you as her 'secret' on the other side.
Not a healthy relationship for you at all, considering you too are technically a married man as well....
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (10 September 2015):
 I think your concerns are warranted. I wouldn't feel at all comfortable knowing that my partner was going on holiday with her still married husband that has hinted at the possibility of getting back together. They have a history and still have a friendship. Honestly I think it is a bit rich to be thinking that you would or should be ok with it. Unfortunately the behaviour you describe would also have me raising a doubtful eyebrow. Whether or not what she is telling you is the truth only time can tell but what I think is missing here is her respecting you as her bf and the exclusiveness that relationships deserve. So in answer to you question my advice would be to air your concerns before she leaves that way judging by her response you can make a decision whether or not to cool things
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 September 2015):
 She's still technically married and it seems like a complicated relationship that she shares with her husband.
Its clear that she still wants to keep him happy and she wants him to think of her in a certain way and she's engineering that. Do you understand what I mean? Even though she's not obligated to be nice to him and ideally shouldn't have any expectations of him, she still wants him to think of her in a good way. I'm not even so sure if he knows that you exist or even if he's aware of you, he's probably not aware of your relationship with her. I highly doubt the "text by mistake" story. Did you see any proof of that? And she told you that he has a girlfriend but how do you even know that for sure? Maybe she just said that to make it look like they're both moving on but maybe that's not the truth. For all you know (and she said it herself) that he wants to get back with her. Use your common sense, why would he have a girlfriend and yet want to get back with her? She's clearly lying to you, she's lying to him and making a whole big mess.
I think you should back off till things are more clear. As of now it looks like she wants you both in her life and you know it as well as anyone else how that would work out. If she's confused about what she wants then let her take her time and decide and you take some time off as well. But when you do talk, make sure that she knows exactly what she wants. Ambivalence never helped anyone. Don't wait till the holiday is over to talk to her; talk to her now. I bet she'll tell you that she wants to go away alone with him to talk things out and gently to tell him about you. Please dont fall for any of that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2015): She's technically still married. So until she's legally divorced; it's all up in the air. Nothing is being hidden from you; so you really have little choice but to go with it.
You both are basically in the same boat. She trusts you, so you may as well trust her. You can't exactly stop her.
When kids are with their parents on vacation; the parents have very little time alone. You're dating a technically married-woman; so she can up and decide to go back to her ex anytime. Maybe you both should keep it casual until all the paperwork is final. If your enter a controversial relationship, expect things to be controversial.
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