A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 5 years recently ended our relationship really suddenly. I suspect he is extremely depressed with his job that he hates and consequently it affects other aspects of his life.He said that he ended it on the basis of some problems that I had 3 years ago, which I recovered from, forgave him,left in the past and was looking forward to our forever. He says that the relationship has been doomed since then, yet 6 weeks ago we were discussing our future and even a possible engagement.I have BPD, which I only just told him about after the breakup, due to the stigma around mental health problems, I struggle with abandonment issues and I sometimes say some really hurtful and untrue things to him. Some of the things I have said stuck in his head and he began to believe it was true, I have tried to explain I said these things due to my problems but he won't believe it.I suffer from bouts of depression quite a lot due to my condition and because I became mildly physically disabled 2 years ago and I am a shell of my former self but I try to better myself everyday.He says that he has forced himself not to love me anymore because he is turning in to the person that hurt me before. He talks to me like hes a different person, hes emotionless and harsh/blunt and cold toward me. I feel numb and lost, all I see is a lot of blank spaces in my future now, everything I had planned, moving in, going traveling, settling with my soulmate, all swept away in 5 minutes because he decided to deal with his stress on his own without talking to me. He has agreed to meet me to talk after refusing for a week, he says to not expect anything from it.How do I get through to him that hes speaking from a depressed state of mind and this isn't what he wants if he was talking about proposals 6 weeks ago?How do I plead with him that everything that happened 3 years ago I have left in my past and he should too?How do I encourage him to not just give up on us after the hell we've been through, and talk to me about it?And how do I make him believe that hes not turning in to a bad person and I love him just as he is?This could be my last chance and the last time I see him and talk to him forever. He is the love of my life, my soulmate, I know him in and out, we were a power couple and we have survived some really dark times. My family loves him and they thought we were perfect for each other, and we are.Sorry for the length and all the questions.Please don't tell me to just let him go because I've been through the worst to fix this relationship, I'm a fighter and I won't give up the only thing in life that's incredibly important to me.Thank you in advance xoxoxox
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2015): Maybe he has BPD as he was talking engagement less than two months ago and now its about breaking up.Perhaps he overspent on credit and is now bankrupt.Maybe he maintained the powercouple image just to hide his own inadequacies.Time for a rethink!Dont take it on as a blame issue.Six years without commitment is a long time..chances are he 'd have found another reason to put off the ring..maybe he hoped you'd be his meal ticket and chances are, he's realised that you are not up to it. Hold onto your dignity because he is turning into cardboard man..possibly he was plastic man before.You need friendly ,affectionate, compassionate and loving man.I'll bet he doesnt want to confess how much debt he's in and i dont mean emotionally to you either!
A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (10 September 2015):
Sometimes the harder we hold onto something sweetie, the harder it tries to pull away .. why not instead of begging as a couple that's never a good step to take and listen to what he has to say .. tell him maybe you two need a break but instead of just finishing .. to take some time see if you both miss each other and say 6 months from when you see each other you both agree to meet again as friends and see if there is still an attraction and maybe a little more still there ..
Take care and chin up sweetie
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