A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in the armed forces and left for deployment with my relationship being rocky at best. Half way through I managed to get home for a week and all seemed better. 3 weeks later I recieved the news my partner was pregnant I was overjoyed and still am. 7 weeks before returning I met someone who I fell for in a big way. I've now returned and have struggled with my heart and head, I don't want to be the one that leaves during his babies pregnancy but the way I felt before leaving has returned I have seen the other person twice since being back after an agreed period of no contact to try and straighten my head out but still feel the same about here. I hate where I am in my head and what I feel I may have to do and I know I am being the dirtiest scumbag to walk the earth but I just can't help how I feel. What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): the best thing u can do is try to stop the feeling for the other girl if u love ur gf and u dont want to be the kind of father that leaves then stay with your gf. relationships are hard and the take alot of work but i bet if u and ur gf go back to the begining and remember how you two fell in love before u will relize how much u really do love her and its best for every one if u forget about the other girl try to avoid her so u will lose ur feelings for her
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): As you know, being in a relationship is not easy. You have to make compromises and sometimes bury your own feelings for the benefit of your partner and the relationship. Your situation really demands you sticking with your gf. Try to kill your feelings for the other girl. I cannot advise on how - but as a 3rd person observer, this seems to be the only fair and logical thing to do at the moment. You love your gf - and you won't regret staying with her despite any external temptations. Think of it as a test of your strength.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, leni  +, writes (18 November 2008):
You're not a scumbag this is just so unfortunate. When it comes to it, can you stay with your partner if she's really not the one? She will be devastated if you leave, of course you would have to support your baby even if you left her, but she may make this hard for you if she is furious, so you could have trouble trying to see the baby at all.I think it would crush her to know you have been seeing someone whilst she's been pregnant, so for yor partner's sake I would keep the new lover out the picture for a few months at least. Remember you've no guarantees that things will work out with the new lover and you could end up with nothing. I hope you can find the solution.
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (18 November 2008):
 This is a dilemna of the biggest order. You in NO way sound like a scumbag...just human. The fact that you are confused shows that you want to do the right thing. Agreeing to a period of no contact with the new person was a wise move. The time apart and distance might make this alliance fade a bit. I am assuming that there is NO contact at the present time with your new found love. The million dollar question I have is why you and your original girlfriend opted to conceive a baby if the relationship was iffy. Was the thought there that the baby might 'mend' what was missing in the relationship. Obviously this has not happened. You would not, frankly have fallen into the arms of another woman if things were going well with your first girlfriend. I know some people with disagree with me but I do not suggest you stay with a woman you do not love. If you opt to, no doubt the shelf life of the relationship will be limited. What I think you do need to do is to really ensure that you and her cannot make it. If you opt to leave and it is not the right decision you will spend years lamenting the fact you are not with your new child twenty four seven as he or she grows up....so think carefully and move slowly on this one. Have you let your original girlfriend know you have met someone else. This is tough because you are feeling guilt about leaving the woman who is carrying your child for someone else. To be practical, this child is yours and I am sure you will willingly assume your responsabilities should you decide to leave. In a nutshell, go slow and listen to your heart and head. Which ever decision you make, there will be a loss, a deficit. Know this as you ponder what to do. I am sorry you are in this predicament. You sound like a decent person. Good luck.
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