A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi people.I met my current girlfriend a little over two years ago and I was not the social type back then. I never really went out a lot and hanging out with friends was pretty much 'indoor'.After I met her I became very outgoing. We went to concerts literally weekly and we had quite a few great parties and was opened up to this new world.Anyway, she doesn't need to party anymore or flirt or do anything with other people because she's been through it, and I'm sitting here with the perfect girlfriend and great in-laws but with emptiness.I've asked her for an open relationship despite I know for a fact that she is the one, but I also want to have my share of fun before having to focus on 'creating a family' with her.She was very sad at first, took her about two weeks to say that she said it was okay, but then came a million questions which I answered. (who, where, when, what if etc).She kept being upset and literally our intimacy died right there, nothing happened besides your daily kisses.After a few days after that I told her that I "changed my mind" like the stupid idiot I was and tried to make a cover-up reason not to.Fast forward 6 months, I'm standing here with a terrible painful feeling in my stomach of missing out. I live in the middle of the city and from Thursday to Saturday I hear people having fun constantly.I really want to just go out there and get drunk as hell and just have fun before it's too late.I've asked some friends for advice and they suggested breaking up, but that won't happen. I'm not gonna end my relationship with my girlfriend because she really is a perfect match, it might've just happened too early in my life and that leaves me empty.TL;DR. Girlfriend is a perfect match but I want an open relationship because I didn't experience the 'younger years' due to being isolated. How do I do it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2018): All of these responses demonize you, but as a poly girl who fell in love with a monogamous man, I feel you. You can't do much to sway her though. Her feelings on the matter won't change. So you have a hard choice to make.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 November 2018):
 You aren't missing a DAMNED thing.
Having sex with more people doesn't make your life better. All it does is pollute what you have, raises the chance of STD's and break your GF's heart all over again.
If you want an open relationship HOW would you feel WHEN she starts screwing other guys? Or do you think you are the only one in the relationship who can have sex with others because you "missed" out on it in the past? Because THAT is just too hypocritical!
You do not become MORE of a man sticking your dick in more women. you life won't improve. Seriously.
You have already tainted your relationship and I wouldn't be surprised if your GF start losing faith, respect and trust in you - just know, YOU fucked it up.
So IF you actually think that more sex with other women is something you NEED in your life, then you REALLY need to let go of your GF. Bet you, she will get picked up ASAP by another guy who can SEE that she is a quality women. And then... you can live with regret.
Stop being a selfish TOSSE!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 November 2018):
 I think it's the fact that she had played the field and you haven't, so you want to make it even. This should be the fact that she is not perfect for you. She is also not perfect, because you probably wanted a girl with no history, but since you settled for her because you had little experience and she would give you immediate experience. Most relationships are perfect at first, when there are no responsibilities and no long term things to think about. I wonder why you have to put quote and quote around creating a family. It sounds like something you are supposed to do in order to have a relationship, and to pass as a normal human being. I would say this is more for you, your experience, your masculinity, and less about love for her. You have to gain confidence as a person regardless of whether you are with your girlfriend. You gained social status through her. Unless you gain a solid identity, you will always have this empty hole in yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2018): She's the perfect girlfriend with the wrong boyfriend.
I'm going to keep this short. You don't get a long thoughtful response, you already got seven good ones.
Idiots and fools are never thankful for what they have; until they lose it. Sex is all you're talking about, and you get that already.
You're full of yourself. Presuming you're all she needs and that committing to you was doing herself a favor. After reading your post, no one here would disagree that she could do better. She doesn't deserve someone so immature!
There is a bright-side to this. She knows what's on your mind; and it's only a matter of time before she kicks you to the curb. Then you can go have your so-called fun!
Open relationship! Seriously?!!
How stupid do you think she is? To agree to it would be profoundly stupid!!!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (11 November 2018):
 Yeah, break up. Meaningless sex won’t fill your “missing out”, but you’re convinced it will, so let her go. She doesn’t WANT an open relationship, so it will only hurt her, even if she “agrees”.
Breaking up is the only fair thing to do. You’re being selfish because you want to keep the “perfect girl”, whilst sleeping with others. No; that’s not how it works. You don’t get to keep her while hurting her with an open relationship or resenting her because you feel “empty”.
You will keep feeling like you’re missing out, so LET HER GO. Staying is only cruel.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (11 November 2018):
 She isn’t ‘the one’, if she was you wouldn’t have the urge to go out fucking other people. Please enlighten us how going around having meaningless sex will fill this ‘emptiness’. I’ve been there, done that. Slept with enough girls and then never spoke to them again to know that it does not do anything to fill a gap. It’s an extremely immature way of thinking and it’s nothing but an ego boost. In my younger years all I was interested in on nights out was getting laid at the end of it. It was almost like a competition between my friends to see who could sleep with the most and the best looking. I’m now 27 and been in a relationship with my GF for a year who I know one day I will marry and I would swap all of that immature bullshit from years ago in the blink of an eye if it meant meeting my GF sooner.
Are you really surprised that your GF is upset by this? Honestly? You’ve just turned her world upside down basically letting her know that she’s not enough and you need sex outside the relationship to feel fulfilled. Kudos for being honest, seriously. This isn’t something to be taken lightly but her reaction is normal, it would be more bizarre if she was instantly down for it. This girl clearly loves you and you’ve more than likely changed her view on you irrevocably. Just remember how big a can of worms you’re opening if she agreed to this, decided to sleep with someone else then realised you’re not all that in the bedroom and she decided you weren’t enough for her and she dropped you like a bad habit. Would it be such a good idea then? Your ‘perfect’ girl gone for that one night stand you got after getting drunk in the local club?
You need to let her go, stop being selfish, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. She wants a devoted boyfriend, you want to fuck anyone who’s up for it.
You’ll realise when you’re balls deep in some other female that couldn’t give a fuck about you how much you’ve messed up. Having someone who adores the backside off you is lightyears ahead of sleeping around without a care, I can vouch for that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2018): You've made the mistake many men make at your age. Your really not ready for a realationship.Your not ready to commit to her so let her go. I think she's so perfect your scared of what else might be out there. But once your done sleeping with randoms you will long for someone who really cares about you.And she will be gone. That's how it goes.
My advice is to break up and stay friends if possible give each other space and maybe try again when your ready.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2018): Yeah, you sound like a typical selfish guy who wants the best of both worlds for himself and can't really think about anyone, ultimately, except himself.
You are not even treating your girlfriend as a person, just like a trophy that convinces you that you are a 'man'. Now that she has given you confidence and more self assurance about your sexuality, you want to reward her by beaking her heart and playing the field. It's a very common story.
It's very clear you feel you've missed out - due to being a pretty useless guy in the first place - and want to make up for that AND keep your girlfriend at the same time.
I agree with AuntyBimBim, go and play the field but do the honourable thing of admitting you are a selfish jerk and set your girlfriend free. Good luck with finding your brains out there somewhere.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (11 November 2018):
 Why can't you go out and have "fun" WITH your girlfriend? She sounds to be an outgoing type. Explain to her that you feel like you have "missed out" (trust me, you really haven't!).
You cannot have it all in this situation - freedom to have "fun" (sex) with others AND a happy girlfriend. If it wasn't for your girlfriend, you would still be having your "fun" indoors with your close friends (probably far more enjoyable than getting senselessly drunk and having sex with random strangers, which is what you seem to really crave).
Perhaps you HAVE met your girlfriend too early in your life. If so, then you DO need to let her go. I get the feeling that, if you pursue this course of "happiness", you will lose her anyway. She deserves better.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (11 November 2018):
 I agree with Auntybimbam..if your girlfriend is so perfect then you wouldn't want an open relationship. Just remember that works 2 ways..open for you, open for her. She can see and have sex with anyone she wants to. Sew your wild oats but just remember she will be able to do so as well. Sometimes what we don't have looks pretty good until we get it..and then we don't want it! Just for the record, if my partner said he wanted an open relationship, I'd be out the door.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 November 2018):
 Your girlfriend and what you have now can't be too perfect if you are willing to toss it aside for some random sex.
Are you asking for advice on how to convince your girlfriend to agree to something that very few women in this world would agree to?
Have you considered that if your relationship status changes from monogamous to open your girlfriend will also be free to go get sex elsewhere … have you considered that or will it only be open for you?
What if she meets a man with incredible sexual prowess … she might be dissatisfied with you after sex with him, have you thought of that?
As far as I can see you can either stick with the perfect girlfriend and stop with the BS or do the honourable thing and breakup with her and go bonk your brains, what few there are, out.
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