A
male
age
36-40,
*igi-M
writes:okay well iv know this girl (lets call her lucy) from when i was little, shes only 14 and im 18. iv always been like a big brother to her an looked after her, messed around etc. and she always comes to me when she has a problem. the thing is i also have a gf of 2yrs and were great together no problems as such but she doesnt like me seeing lucy or talking to her much, even replying to her txts now, even though She knows theres nothing going on between me and lucy.but i now seem to give lucy more affection and hugs etc. than my gf, and i dont want to give either of them the wrong idea so im not sure what to do. Also the other night lucy was upset, so i just gave her hug and held her in my arms for a bit and told her everything was going to be okay, then before i left i kissed the top of her head, but my gf saw and has been in a stress with me ever since. was that a really bad move on my part ? me and lucy both knew it meant nothing, just friendly. and now i dont know what to do. but i dont want to loose lucy, as however lame it may sound shes the one who keeps a smile on my face and keeps me going when im down, but i love my gf too with all my heart.some advice really needed please :(
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male
reader, Gigi-M +, writes (28 August 2007):
Gigi-M is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all your advicean my gf knows she is always my top priority, however she also knows how close i am to lucy, and that i love her to peices (in a brother-sister sort of way though) and wouldnt let anyone take her away for me.but having had a chat with my gf tonight, she seemed more relaxed about it and we also agree we would all meet up, with lucy too and just try and work around that.thanks for the helplets hope it goes okay
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): I don't really think what you are doing is appropriate. AT ALL. I mean if you didn't have a girlfriend, you and Lucy could make out with each others foreheads if you wanted to. But when you have a girlfriend, it's like Penta said, she and ONLY she should be your #1. I would not feel comfortable being touchy-feely with another guy no matter how good of friends he was if I was in a relationship. And I have never THANK GOD been with a guy who has done that to me. You really have got to face reality here. The way that you are acting with Lucy in spite of your girlfriend is WEIRD. I have male cousins who I adore and who I grew up with, and when we were young we were affectionate at times, and even so, in the presence of their girlfriends, I have total respect for them and for the fact that certain things are DEFINITELY inappropriate. If you REALLY don't get that, you are going to have problems in most of your relationships. No girl is ever going to be happy about that. And I think it is disrespectful. You don't have to stop being friends with Lucy but you really should start respecting your girlfriend more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): well everyone has a boy/girl friend even if they are gowing out with someone, even though you and ( lucy ) are just friends, all your gf can see is that you are with another girl , or texing another girl or even showing more effection. if you have been with your gf for over 2 years and your always with her hugging kissing showin affection ect then she is bound to get jelouse if all of a sudden you are with a diffrent girl.also if your gf seen you kiss her on the head.....to a girl its all the same, kiss on the cheak, head wotever. its must be strange for your gf to see you close to another girl...try to understand wher she is comming from . mabi you should try and get lucy and your gf friendly and invite your gf werever you go with lucy
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (28 August 2007):
 Your girlfriend deserves to feel like she's number one in your heart. This means you treat her best. It doesn't sound like she's getting this, so no wonder she's feeling threatened.
Have a sit down with her. Let her know that she's first, and that you understand why she's feeling the way she's feeling. Then ask her what you can do, short of disowning your long-time friend, to help her see that she's #1 for you?
(You should also pay close attention to how your young friend treats your girlfriend, just in case. I don't know that this is the case, but she may enjoy your attention AND your girlfriend's discomfort.)
I dated someone who had a 'friend' that made me uncomfortable. I don't think he saw that she really wanted to be more than a friend and that she didn't treat me very well. He told me I was imagining things. I had to laugh when years later his new girlfriend (now his wife) had the same feelings with that 'friend' that I had. He still didn't see it, but both of us did (and she and I were comfortable enough with each other to be able to talk about it, so it wasn't just a problem with 'other women' in his life).
So cut your girlfriend some slack. It's probably that there's nothing for her to be worried about. But she has some very real feelings that should be acknowledged. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): I think you do know exactly what you're doing wrong here - but you dont want to admit it to yourself. You are 18, she is 14 - to have a very close friendship with someone of that age would be seen by others to be very strange. It cannot be a brother and sister relationship because you admit to hugging and showing her more affection than your girlfriend. Could it be that this young girl (for that is exactly what she is at the moment) has a crush on you and that you are flattered by her attentions? If you're honest with yourself you would probably agree. A 14 year old should be sharing her problems with other girls her age, not a man who she is no blood relation to. Your girlfriend must have the patience of a saint - put in the same position, I would feel extremely uncomfortable at your closeness and also urge you to keep some distance from her. Women are very intuitive and can usually tell when there is more going on that just friendship on either side. You refer to Lucy being 'the one who keeps a smile on your face' when it should be your girlfriend who does this, not a 14 year old. It can be very flattering if someone develops a crush on us, and to be honest it does sound like little Lucy has a crush. You're playing a very dangerous game where all three of you could get hurt. You should distance yourself from Lucy, not stop speaking to her entirely, but certainly no more cuddles or play fighting (I am guessing you do this). You should probably re-evaluate your relationship with your girlfriend. If she isn't the one to put a smile on your face, it might be time to move on..
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A
female
reader, chrissy32789 +, writes (28 August 2007):
 hey, have you ever explained to your gf what lucy means to you and why you guys are so close to each other, you shouldnt give up one person for another person. have you tried to hangout with the both of them at the same time? like ask your girlfriend and lucy if it would be ok if the 3 of you became friends together instead of just you and lucy hanging out or you and your girlfriend, make it the 3 of you that way your gf and lucy can become friends and lucy can explain to your gf what is going on between you and her instead of your gf hearing your side let her hear lucys side to. but you cant always hangout with lucy you will need time for you and your gf...
AND about that kiss on lucys head she shouldnt get all pissed off about that because my husband grew up with this one girl since they was 9 and they are 25 now, but he thinks of her as a sister and they kiss each other and other things but i know that there will be nothing between them i have to have trust in them, and thats what your gf needs is trust in you and her. so just try hanging out with them both, and show your gf there is nothing to worrie about
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A
male
reader, Gigi-M +, writes (28 August 2007):
Gigi-M is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes thanks for the advice and i've been seeing less of lucy in an attempt to get closer to my gf instead, but whatever i do she just pushes me away. and its very hard not having lucy around, as i've known this kid since she was 3, and our families are very close, so im used to her being around. I have also explained to lucy everything thats happened, and she said she would give me some space to sort things out, but i dont want to get rid of her, and it sounds lame but i need her around for support. But nothing has and will ever happen between us, and i really want to let my gf know that. but she is still being funny with me however much i try, and im lost as to what to do next ? x
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (28 August 2007):
 Ok i will tell you how it may look to other people, you are 18 she is 14 and you have a very close friendship, now i'm not saying it's right or wrong but i think it would concern some people, with the age difference you two should not really have too much in common so why would you be so close, maybe it's a brotherly/sisterly kind of relationship.
Putting myself in your girlfriends shoes i would have concerns aswell especially as you say you have been giving her a bit more affection now.
Are there problems aside from this in your relationship with your girlfriend?, if so maybe you should take some time out from lucy and try and address these issues.
Take care.xx.
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