A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I told my gf that we should catch up with an old friend of mine and she got jealous and upset.Ive known this friend for 15 years or so but havent seen them for 6-8 years, havent spoke to her for 3 years!Shes getting married and I tried to tell my gf (of 6 years) that we should catch up with her partner and her partner. She got jealous and was crying. I was in such a good mood before all this happened.What do I need to do from here?I dont think its fair I should cut friends, especially females from my life just because shes insecure
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female
reader, MissKin +, writes (16 February 2018):
 I have to say, as an insecure person myself, I'd be happy to be included and wouldn't feel as jealous because surely if there was anything to be worried about you wouldn't be inviting her to go with?
I think she needs to work on this issue. Talk to her and find out what she is so worried about. And decide if it's workable from there. It's very childish behaviour to turn on the water works straight away.
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (16 February 2018):
 UNLESS you've done something to break your gfs trust, then what your gf is doing is wrong, immature and very manipulative.
I guess meeting with this other woman all depends upon your past history with this woman.
Did you and your friend both date once?
Have you ever slept with her?
Did you ever feel sexually attracted to her and did you ever tell your gf, that you once liked her as more than a friend?
Perhaps these are weird questions coming from me, but believe me, we women are pretty clever at working these things out.
Even if you don't tell her the complete story, she may suspect something, although she's most obviously going to be wrong.
I'm not judging you, i'm simply making a few points as to why she may be behaving the way she is.
If your friendship was always strictly platonic, then it's absolutely ok and healthy for you to touch base and even hang out.
Your gf, even after 6 years, has no right to stop you from seeing old friends, female or male and from befriending those you wish to befriend.
I bet you couldn't make her cease all contact with all her male/female friends, could you??
If you've done nothing wrong, then your gf sounds quite insecure, jealous, manipulative and almost aggressive.
You let her know that if she keeps this behaviour up, she may just push you away, further and further, until there will be no relationship for the two of you.
Is that what she wants?
If not, then she better start acting mature and start accepting that you can see your female friend/s and that she doesn't own you, nor control your life.
Also and most importantly, tell her that where there is no trust, there can be no love, which equals to no relationship for the two of you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 February 2018):
 So you told her that you and her should catch up with an old friend of yours and she got jealous and upset for no reason? Was there history with you and this friend? Have you done something to make your girlfriend this insecure?
Your in a six year relationship and have not saw this friend since then, is that coincidence or did something happen all them years ago? I just don't understand why a girl would get upset unless there is a reason.
If she is a platonic friend getting married and your girlfriend is crying for no reason then you really need to both sit down and work this out. I couldn't live like this, I would always feel suffocated.
I think from here you need to talk to her and see what is going on in her head? You need to tell her that in order to be in a relationship she needs to trust you and not manipulate you. She cannot cry because you know an old female friend. Unless you have recently cheated on her or else there is history with this girl I would be telling her this behavior is not acceptable.
No you shouldn't have to cut people from your life because she is insecure, and if you have done nothing wrong then I would be telling her in no uncertain terms that you are going to meet this girl and also I would be telling her if she does not get her insecurities dealt with she will push you away and it will end the relationship.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (15 February 2018):
 I have to agree it sounds manipulative to turn on the tears to stop you being friends.
If she is a strictly platonic friend that you have no sexual history with then she's being incredibly over the top and she needs to get a grip. Whereas, if you've got history with this woman then I think you need to be a little more respectful as that's bound to raise an eyebrow.
Depending on my last point, if she's nothing more than a friend then I'd go for it and meet her. Your GF has no say in what you do or who you meet and crying to convince you not to do it is very underhand and manipulative.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (15 February 2018):
 Yes it certainly is not fair that you cut people from your life that you genuinely like such as friends. Prehaps your girlfriend is suffering from low self esteem or trust issues and feeling frustrated she let it all out by crying. It would be a good idea to have a talk with her when things have settled a bit to explain to her why its important to you that you keep your friends in your life and that she has nothing to be jealous of. If she is not prepared to hear it than it might be time to evaluate if you want to spend your time with someone who does not trust you. Trust is the basis of a loving relationship.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 February 2018):
 You suggested your GF should meet this old friends and the old friend's fiance and your GF started to cry?
Am I missing something here? Because if that is the whole truth (and this isn't some ex or former sex-buddy of yours) I think your GF is being unreasonable and using those tears as blackmail to make you do what SHE wants you to do (which is to have no contact).
And again, IF this is JUST an old friend who have comes into your "social orbit" again, it is NOT your GF's right to demand WHO you can be friends with and whom you can't. That is ridiculous.
So I would get to the bottom of WHY she is jealous and I would pretty MUCH stand my ground in rekindling the friendship IF you choose to ( IF this friend IS NOT a former sexual partner). I would seriously REFUSE to bow down to emotional black mail and I would also REFUSE to feed her insecurities. Those are HER and SHE needs to work on them, not ISOLATE you socially because of them.
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