A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy back in December in London. We matched online initially and then ended up meeting in person and became pretty much inseparable from the day we met. We spoke to each other every day and spend quite a lot of time together back end of December/Start of Jan. At the time when we met he had a job offer to move back to London from Africa where he had been working for the last 2 years. after the first week of January he went back to Africa to pack up his life there and move back to London. The job he had been offered then fell through and he no longer had a job to come to London for. At the time when he initially left, he was going to be gone for 6 weeks and then he would be back and we could continue seeing each. When the job fell through things changed. Having been trying to move back to London for a while and having all the uncertainty of career and living location and then the disappointment of the job falling through, he decided it was probably best for him to just relax for some time and just enjoy where he is without constantly being concerned about finding a job to move back to London. He has been in a long distance relationship before and it didn’t work out so he isn't overly keen on long distance relationships. He has said to me that he would like it if we can stay as friends and when he eventually does move back maybe there might be a chance for us to try again but not live our lives in anticipation of that. I like him a lot. From the moment we met we both had this instant connection with each other and right now I feel so disappointed that circumstances ended up working against us. What I would like is to give a long distance relationship a shot but that won't work if he's not keen on that. I have been wondering if it's fair to say that if he was keen on me he would want a relationship with me and perhaps it's just a sign that he's not that into me? If our only option to keep the relationship is to stay as friends is that possible? Can we just switch to being friends despite all the feelings?
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (15 February 2018):
 I think if anything he's being very sensible.
He already sounds stressed with everything that has happened recently so why add a relationship to that in which you can't see each other for an extended period of time?
Think with your head and not your heart. How is this viable when neither of you know when an end to the long distance would be in sight? I also agree with his comment of not waiting for each other.
I think the best course of action would be to cut contact and if he ever found himself moving back to the UK then he could contact you and see what your situations are. Until then, I don't see a future here.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 February 2018):
 In my opinion I think he is right to not want a relationship long distance. It is hard work, even married couples stuggle with it and well you only knew him a couple of weeks so I do think a long distance relationship would end up being extremely difficult. You may think you both had an instant connection but you still need time to get to know each other more and well that won't work if he is on the other side of the world. I understand were he is coming from, I am sure he liked you but he is not in the UK any more and unless you plan on moving to Africa then I cannot see how you can be a couple. Long distance needs a lot of commitment and is difficult. Relationships need intimacy and quality time, you don't get that with long distance. So try and see it from his point of view. It sounds like you are a hopeless romantic, but you need to look at the reality of the situation.
Can you both be friends? Well I would imagine that you could if you can handle it. Again that depends on you and your feelings, but you only met this guy for a couple of weeks so if you don't feel you can handle friendship then you need to just say good bye. A relationship won't work and neither will waiting for him because he might never come back.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (15 February 2018):
 I think its ok to tell him how you feel. You like him alot so you should get your feelings off your chest if you can. He has been clear that he's not keen on long distance relationships so you have to accept that too. It is possible that you two can remain just friends but with all the feelings it is hard to move on with your life and i get the impression that he does not want to get your hopes up and hurt you because he's unsure where his own life is heading. Never wait for anyone if they are not invested in you too.
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