A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need advice on a problem that is making me miserable, and it´s that my family are completely ignoring me and my mother was all that I had left but she is neglecting our relationship. This is not a new event, this has been going on since I was a child. Ok so I am 23 years old now and I have two kids. When I was seventeen I got pregnant when I run away from home. My parents were going through an awful rough divorce, there were huge fights and yelling everyday, they were just mean to eachother and everyone around. I was 10 when the worst fights started and it went on for years because they never really got the divorce. They are still living together. At some point they started using us like allies. "I am good to you, and in exchange you do this and you are by my side." they told nasty secrets and stuff about eachother too. Since I remember they have always had economical problems or have been broke. When my sister was their only daughter, (now we are 4) she had everything she needed but she was in the most expensive highschool so she felt less and she wanted to be more rich. Then I came when she was 15 and it destroyed her world. Then when she went to college, one day he said he couldn´t afford it anymore. She was 22 and she was forced to work and made more money so she started to pay bills and my mom and dad, they are b*tches for money. She ruled the house. If she said that I have to clean the floor with dress, then so be it beacuse she pays the bills! They never made her respect me.One day she bought a house (not new) because she was embarrased that we all lived in a small appartment. 6 people. And she took the appartment, made it better and started making money off it. My sister was a witch and made life a living hell in this house and then one day she was gone. At 27 she had moved from the house, to live in a more expensive neighborhood. She got married. I was free and had no rules because my parents didn´t care about me, she did care that I was not having fun and always put rules on me, never let me leave the house. Then at the new house my parents had an awful argument and my mom left us all. She went to a friends house. Then the worst happened. I was pregnant. And since she hates me so much (I don´t have words to explain it, she has tried to ruin my life every chance that she has got.) she kicked us all out of the house unless we gave her a lot of money monthly, which they could´t afford. My mom and dad could only afford cigarettes and booze and my mom could only afford beauty treatments and exotic trips around the world but when It came to her kids, there were days when sent us to school without water or lunch. She put me in a inexpensive highschool were I was bullied for being white for years and she didn´t care what I was going through or that I wanted to commit suicide. She was just thinking about her next trip to Egypt and saving all the money even by making us go through necessity.Long story short: I left home many years ago, It has been tough. I have two kids now, I live with my boyfriend who is the father of my second child. My mom forced me into a public college and I wanted to study so I did. She said she would help me. When I got pregnant for the second time, she said abortion is the devils playground (she is "full of religion") and that I should have my baby and study, that she would support me but things have turned the other way around. It was a BIG fat lie!. Just so she doesn´t have another sin to pray for.She says her support is her prayers and that she is helping me by making me feel the need, I am bleeding on the floor because I don´t have money to buy pads or tampons. I am so skinny you can see my bones. I breastfeed. When I ask her if she can give me any money, becuse I need it for the daycare , to go to college and give my exams, she says she doesn´t have money but that is not true!. My dad just lives there and doesn´t work he just sits and smokes weed all day. And my brothers sit there all day and when I was their age I worked my ass off, having a baby. And I worked years for but since I don´t have a degree, they cancelled my contract. I have worked random jobs since then. My dad took money from me, and he has never in my life gave me one dollar ever.My mom just makes excuses for them and then says "Sorry, you have to make your way in life on your own like I had to, you have to learn the hard way like I had to. Just keep fighting" That is because her mom died when she was my age, and she hated her dad and run away. It´s like she is taking her revenge on me. I just hate her now, because she is a selfish liar. She prefers my younger brother who is 20 now. She bought a brand new cellphone to my brother and she lies about it. They all have computers and she lies about it. I say please borrow me for college homework and she says we can´t so I have to go to public cybers to use a computer. They travel and she lies about it but it´s all in my nose. My dad told me how she got a boob job with all the money she was saving from skipping groceries and school books and it´s true.He said she didn´t help me to get an abortion even though she did abort when She got pregnant at my age, because she is so f*cking selfish. How can she be so calm and going to mass, to church giving them money and giving them food and then she gives the middle finger to me when I say "I need you!" "I need you as a mom, as a woman" So can you excuse my terrible expressions and please give me your advice on what can I do? Do I cut her off of my life since I have tried talking to her and explaining my feelings ,but to her it´s all just a joke. Do I cut her off completely? I just can´t stan her, being bffs with my sister who accused her on an open letter of being a prostitute and a selfish whore and I stood by her side. Now she ignores my kids, has never taked care for them or visits me. She doesn´t acknowledge my new family. Doesn´t care to spend quality time with my boyfriend´s parents who gave us a roof to live and food. But yet, she puts on a show for my sister´s family who have more money, so she is caring and even gifts them stuff. Always visits, at least twice a month since she lives far away and she pays a lot of money for that trip. Why is it that she is so unfair and acts according to the people she wants to impress!? ugh. I am crying please help me I know this is too long but I wanted to put all the facts I could on the table. I need your advice.
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abortion, bullied, divorce, liar, money, my ex, prostitute, revenge, she lies, smokes, tampon Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 February 2018):
 OP I didn't find you rude, if you are not getting anywhere with therapy after two years it might be worth looking in to another therapist?
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (15 February 2018):
 Anyone who causes you pain or suffering is clearly not good for you. My advice would be to cut the trashy people out of your life because they are not going to change. Childhood has an immense effect on our adult life and some people are bad parents. A therapist can really help you work through those issues and you surely will feel alot more better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2018): Thank you so much aunt honesty for your advice. It has made me clear my mind and stay focused. Excuse me if I expressed myself rudely it’s part of my depression and I’m aware of the problem :( I go to a psichologyst since I was 14 but back then I was not regular , now I go once or twice. Month but I am not seeing any progress in almost two years. Thank you so much! Blessings
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (15 February 2018):
The only advice I can give you is to get out of this toxidity and look at your children, boyfriend and family as your new family. It may also benefit you to seek out therapy for the way you have been treated, you may have a lot of built up issues that need to be addressed by a professional.
It is tough on children where there parents get divorced and unfortunately sometimes the adults are selfish and use the children as weapons and allow them to witness the arguments and stick them in the middle. It can be difficult.
Having money troubles with young children is difficult. When I was growing up we didn't have much money we went without a lot of things that other children had, yet I was taught respect and manners. Things money cannot buy. I like to think that having to much growing up does not give anybody any favors. I moved out of home at 17, put myself through college, got a job. I became independent at a young age and well I am happy about that. But yes it is difficult. You say you coming along destroyed your sisters life. She was used to being an only child and getting all that she wanted. So yes it was a big change for her. But the thing with your sister is she took control from her life, went out and got a job and worked hard. She ruled the house because she was paying for it. Of course she should have respected you as a person, but she never and yes that is hurtful, but am guessing your sister also had issues with your parents, yet she still financially supported them.
Maybe your sister put rules on you and set boundries because she knew your parents where not doing that and she did not want to see you going off the rails. It could benefit you to sit and talk with your sister and tell her how all this has made you feel. If you had a bad upbringing you can bet so did your sister.
At 17 when you got pregnant that was very young, but you still need to take responsibility for that. Your sister was working and she did not want to pay all the bills for everyone and I can understand her point of view on that. I can imagine you were young and scared, but she was your sister not your mother. She still had bills to pay.
You blame your sister for a lot, but she gave use a roof, yet your own parents only cared about buying themselves goods and having a good life. They sound like selfish parents who should never have had children. It is awful you had to experience parents like that and I can see why you would have a lot of anger.
Your mother has often let you down, told you she would help then would'nt. She sounds like a selfish person who puts herself first. I honestly don't see how you having her in your life would make it a better life for you.
If you wanted an abortion the second baby then that was your choice. Now everyone has there opinion on abortion including me but it is still your choice and nobody elses.
If you have no money and cannot buy basic hygeine problems then can you not get a job? Does your boyfriend not work? Why is it that you both have no money? At your age now you are an adult so you need to think of ways to earn money for you and for your children.
At the age of 23 I can understand why your mother says you need to make your own way in life, I supported myself from the age of 17 with no help from anyone. So you and your boyfriend need to take responsibility for the two children you both have.
You have a lot of jealousy it seems like with your sister, I would recommend sitting with her and trying to work out a relationship between you both, because it sounds like you both had a rough upbringing and a tough time. Your sister called them names because your mother has hurt her as well, just like she has you. Honestly if it was me and my mother sent me to school with no lunch while her going on holiday then I would wash my hands from her.
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