A
male
age
30-35,
*scalaya
writes:My girlfriend of 5 years, now has recently become extremely jealous of me having contact with girls. Guys too. Well, anyone to be honest. If I'm not with her, she gets really anxious, and worried about what I'm doing, worried that I'm cheating, or there's some girl trying to get me to cheat.She's always trusted me before, and I've always been completely, 100% faithful to her. I've tried reassuring her that there's no one else, and i'd never do that to her. But nothing I do can sooth her paranoia. I tried inviting her to come with us, but she doesn't want to go. (she's the type who prefers to stay home, and read a book or watch a movie) I'm at my wit's end with this, and it's getting extremely frustrating. I love her, and all. But it's really driving me crazy!I guess it all boils down to: She's jealous of anything that requires me being away from her. School, she's jealous of it. Friends (girls, and guys alike) she's jealous of them. Family, she's jealous of them. My band-mates, she's jealous of them. Please help out
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): we'll this isn't going to help but I wish my gf suited your description of yours because I hate the fact that my gf let's me do what I want, when I want it when I would prefer her to be more like yours since that's what I like in a relationship.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): i think this is just in some sort of reevaluation phase when gils start thinking about the relationship in a different way. it usually lasts few months
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): I am a girl,I have had this problem,too.Maybe she was hurt before you came along.I sometimes get jealous with my man,too.
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A
male
reader, Escalaya +, writes (8 October 2007):
Escalaya is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks to everyone who took the time to reply, and help me out. It's very much appreciated!
I'm going to try and suggest, and urge her into seeing a good physician, and hopefully he'll suggest some medication, and a good therapist/psychologist.
Of course I'll support her through it, I love her.
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A
female
reader, anneon  +, writes (8 October 2007):
 She sounds like she suffers from some sort of depression, and you have become her drug. She probably feels happy when she is with you, but the depression creeps in when you aren't around. She is very dependent on you- it is not healthy for either of you. It won't get any better unless she gets help- she needs either professional help or to spend some serious time reflecting on her own feelings and her behavior. She might need medication or therapy.
Does anything other than you make her happy? Does Chorus not satisfy her, or are her friends not fun enough to hang with that she can forget about you for a while?
She needs to find a way to be complete on her own. This means she must feel as whole and happy as she is with you all of the time, even when you are not around.
She probably doesn't grasp the fact that by being insecure and jealous, she is making it hard for you to stay close to her. She's afraid of you leaving her for another girl, but she is pushing you away.
Nothing you say will ever be enough. If she is suffering from some type of depression, then there is not much that you can do for her. Keep reassuring her and telling her you love her. Maybe call her when you go out so that she knows you're not having sex with someone else.
In the meantime... she needs to help herself. And she'll only do that when she is ready.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): Wow, this kinda sounds a bit serious on her end. It's wonderful that you treat her so well, it's hard to find a guy who really shows as much appreciation as you do so consistently. I'd see if you can talk to one of her close friends or family members about your concern and see if maybe they can talk with her about it. Judging by what you wrote, I would be surprised if they didn't notice something up with her as well.
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A
male
reader, Escalaya +, writes (8 October 2007):
Escalaya is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm constantly giving her affection, hell. I love giving her affection and spending alot of my time with her, I constantly surprise her, do romantic things for her, take her out on dates, hell. We're pretty much as good as we were when we first started going out, only as our relationship progressed, she slowly started becoming more and more insecure. I make her feel appreciated, because I make it a point to myself to make sure that she feels loved, and appreciated, and I do my best to do so. If I ask her about it, she denies anything being wrong, she simply says she wants to be with me. She has plenty of friends, and she does Chorus, she's an amazing vocalist. I doubt she's cheating, I trust her with everything I have.
And as Miss C suggested, I tried the break thing, and she blew up. To her, breaking up, and taking a break in the end is the same thing. She says it's just an excuse for me to see someone else. Or that she's not good enough and I'm just trying to break up with her. Even worse so, she's a bit on the suicidal side, and I've always tried to be really supportive, but whenever I mention any kind of help for any kind of condition be it clinical depression, or something that can easily be solved by taking birth control, (yes, birth control can balance the hormones for depressed women.) she freaks out on me, and starts yelling, and getting angry at me. x_x;
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A
male
reader, cyberdog1308  +, writes (8 October 2007):
I had a GF who was similar was with her 5 years she was always jelous I couldn't even go to visit my mother without her calling me! then the truth came out she'd been cheating on me for years!!! I understood after the relationship had ended and the truth started comming out why she'd been this way. Not saying it is in your case but its a possibility that she has done something herself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): Communicate with her. If this is something new something might have happened on her end that is making her self-conscious. A good chat never hurts and can make a relationship stronger. To me it sounds like she doesn't have many hobbies or friends to keep herself occupied, so she has to much time to hound on everything you do.
But also keep in mind that you have been in a relationship with her for a very long time. Could there be a chance that you have become "used" to her? Perhaps giving some more romantic thoughts like couples do in the beginning of the relationship might make her feel better.
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A
female
reader, catbabe102 +, writes (7 October 2007):
funnily enough, i believe i am similar to your g'friend. as i feel the same way about my bfriend. im sure (like me) she doesnt want to be like it and she is aware what she s doing, but it is really hard to control especially when you love someone so much and your feeling insecure, and worried about losing them.
I always wish my man would be more vocal - and reassure me and make me feel confident. I know u said u do invite her and try and make her feel better, but I would advise u to really express how much you love her, or what she means to you.
youll really be helping her get over this... i only wish y man would do the same!! lol
good luck
XXX
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A
female
reader, sarasexypants +, writes (7 October 2007):
Every girl has to feel appreciated and loved....
I mean she needs to actually KNOW it.
Rather than telling her I love you, try actually proving it.
And if you already have, well remind her.
She may be going through a stage where she does not
feel very much appreciated... so be sure to just be with her no matter what.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): She sounds very insecure and dependant.
Does she not have any friends that she can hang out with whenever you're with your friends?
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