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male
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anonymous
writes: I have been seeing a girl from work for a few months now and there is a bit of an age difference, like I'm 31 and shes 18.At first I thought I was attracted to her just cause she's got a smokin' body,and that's good stuff since I've never had a girl with a body that I never get tired of looking at.Anyways the more we hang out the more I come to realize that we think the same, have a lot of things in common, have same sense of humor,etc,etc. And now it's come to the point where if we're not together, I cant stop thinking about her and am generally miserable without her.Deep down we both know that we would'nt get away with being a couple. ie: her parents (who think I'm 21! and yeah I can pass for 21 easy) I'm already getting the odd comment from guys at work, nothing worth repeating, but nothing possitive. Which I could care less, I'm there to make money, not friends.I guess my question is , am I a bad guy for just following my heart, and being the happiest I've ever been?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2005): I have known several marriages between young girls and adult men. Not one of the relationships survived more than a few years. The age difference was a big factor. But there are some age gap relationships that survive quite nicely. It really depends on the committment and maturity level of the two people involved.
The only thing I can say, is just think of how you were at 18. Are you different now? Goodness, I hope so! My rule of thumb is to build lifetime relationships with someone who shares the same common interest as yourself and has the same level of maturity.
Good luck
A
male
reader, Fossy +, writes (25 October 2005):
Hi there, I have been with my girl friend for over a year now. I"m 35 and she's 22. Things have been going great, but lately. I've finally discovered that I'm really in love with this girl. Sometimes there's an age gap, but most of the time it seems to work. We understand each others languge most of time. Her parents like me, and dont' seem to mind. Her 3 sisters, seem to make alot of cracks about me when I'm not around. That's when I see her thinking about the age difference. I want to take things to the next level, but I'm not sure if she's ready. I dont' want to scare her away, so I'm not sure if I should wait longer or do what my heart tells me. I've dated older women and a few years younger, but this is the biggest gap and the girl I find the most in common with and feel the best around. What do you guys think I should do??????
Someone, looking for answers
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2005): No you aren't a bad guy, love, real love, doesn't care about things like age, race, religion etc... The question ought to be 'do you love this woman?', put another way 'is there more than just sex to this relationship?'. If the answer is 'yes' then what are you worrying about? Have the courage to be honest with yourself and with others and to ignore snide comments from your work mates and possible initial hostility from her parents.
Lots of men in their early 30's are immature enough to daydream about sex with younger women, but there is more to serious relationships than sex and that is where a younger woman can let you down, she may just not have the maturity you need to face life's ups and downs, hopefully though she does and you can both communicate at the same level, in which case it really isn't that great a difference at all... it's not like it's 20 or 25 years is it?
My wife and I have a ten year age gap (she is 24, I'm 34) and when we met the first time neither of us spoke the other's language properly, but we were just drawn to each other by a very strong feeling of mutual attraction that wouldn't go away. For the first year our relationship was nearly all long distance phonecalls and emails and we had real problems even getting to see each other, but our relationship just got stronger. Her mother and I get on very well, but her father didn't like me at first and thought I was a. too foreign, and b. too old for her (when I plucked up the courage to tell him my real age) now we get on like a house on fire. When we decided she would emigrate to the UK we faced all kinds of difficulties getting a visa for her, and then some of my work mates were convinced she was some kind of 'mail order' bride after my money even though she comes from a richer family than mine by miles! It was all an uphill struggle, but we got through it and it just made our love stronger. We've been married a year, and have just had our first baby. No one comments on our age difference (it is not obvious) and if anyone comments about anything else we are strong enough to ignore it. Like I was saying love, real love, is not something that you can predict, if you love this woman and she loves you then have the courage to do what is right and ignore whatever anyone else says.
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female
reader, justsad +, writes (19 October 2005):
My fiance and I have been together for 4 years. He is 12 years older than I am. He went through the same thing you are going through right now. I was 16 and he was 28! I still really believe he is my soulmate.
If this girl really makes you happy, then please go for it! You will hit some snags because of the age gap, but you have to at least give it a shot. I think it's very healthy that you are kind of weirded out by the age, but after a while you won't even realize it anymore.
~~Good luck and just enjoy it!~~
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2005): I think that love has no age boundaries. -- You're both happy, and yes, as other people have said, legal, and that should be all that matters.
-QOTU
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female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (17 October 2005):
 You have to do what makes you happy. The extra good news is that your both legal !! Your not doing anything wrong. As for the people that your concerned about, For the people at work who cares, let them talk. However, her parents you need to be open and honest with. They need to know to your REAL age. They might not be too happy, but relationship have good times and bad. One minutes its simple and easy other times it can be difficult.
So go for it and go through this together. It will make your relationship stronger.
3 dee
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (17 October 2005):
 You are not a bad guy, you're just a guy in love. This is totally normal and we can't choose who we fall for so just carry on with what makes you happy. Follow your heart in everything you do in life and you will bne rewarded with happiness and success.
Ignore what everyone says about the relationship, your mates are only jealous of your gorgeous girlfriend! Good luck and be strong, it will pay off.
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female
reader, lillaum +, writes (17 October 2005):
 Hi there!
You are both legal and as far as any one should be concerned with when it comes to age thats all that counts.
But dont lie about the age gap, it wont work to your advantage in the end and it makes it sound like you are not comfortable with the gap yourself. You sound like you have a good solid relationship, dont let anyone tell you the age gap makes it wrong, it doesn't! But please, for the sake of your relationship be honest about your ages. It is important to show your family that you are mature enough to be in a mature relationship with this women.
Good Luck
Lillaum
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