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male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I met a girl a few months ago and generally hit it off. We have lots in common, we’re looking for similar things in life and from each other, and she’s beautiful. She is a lovely caring person. Very smart. Adventurous. I could go on... Obviously it’s still pretty early days but generally everything has gone well so far. I am (I think) a bit of an odd guy and so women I hit it off with seem to be few and far between, so I’m mostly happy with the situation. There’s just one problem... She is a prescription drug addict. Every time we’ve met, she has been high, mostly on ketamine. I think her addiction is the result of being medicated for chronic health issues, and having rolled with the wrong crowd a little bit. I think she’s aware that it’s a problem. She’s taking a year to focus on her health before starting university (shes planning to do the same program I did). But to me it doesn’t seem like she’s really on any path to getting better.The first time she asked me what I thought about her taking drugs, I said drugs are bad but I have no judgement. Her response was that drugs can be good as long as you know what the side effects will be and you take the correct amount, etc. Which I guess is correct to some extent but that doesn’t really seem to be the case here...I realize this is a serious problem and probably I should steer clear of her. But I feel like if it weren’t for the drugs, it would be a match made in heaven. What if she does get better, and goes to university, and we live happily ever after? Am I foolish to hope for that?I am a charming guy and I think I’m very good at being caring and understanding and patient which are exactly the kinds of things that could help her pull out of her addiction. I think I make her very happy, I give her a shoulder to cry on (literally), I get her out of the house, etc. I think she can see that she needs to at least appear to make some effort to get better otherwise I will be gone, and I think she’s started to do that.If I did end things, I’m worried that she would take it hard and end up worse than before she met me. I feel stuck and I don’t know what to do. Has anyone had similar experiences? What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2020): Don't worry too much about your effect on her future if you break up; you haven't been together that long and while you are a nice guy, you're not responsible for her choices.
I don't know much about ketamine in particular, but a relative was addicted to a drug and it was awful. She stole from family members, lied, etc. Get out while you can.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (2 February 2020):
 Are you looking for someone with whom to share your life or a project to "fix"? If the latter, then you have found the right girl. If the former, then I would give this very very VERY serious thought.
Yes, this girl may be wonderful in many ways, but - let's not sugar-coat this - she is also a drug abuser. I know little about ketamine, except that it is used to knock out horses and as a "recreational" drug by people with little regard for their health and well-being. I have never heard of it being prescribed by doctors (but I could be wrong on that score). Maybe YOU should do some research on that?
My advice would be to give this a definite timescale and then, if things are not going the way you had hoped with your girlfriend's substance abuse, GET OUT. The last thing you want is to be dragged down with her - because that is what addicts often try to do.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 February 2020):
 "Ketamine is a medication that is used to induce loss of consciousness, or anesthesia, It is a class III scheduled drug and is approved for use in hospitals and other medical settings as an anesthetic."
"Ketamine is similar in structure to phencyclidine (PCP), and it causes a trance-like state and a sense of disconnection from the environment.
It is the most widely used anesthetic in veterinary medicine and is used for some surgical procedures in humans.
It is considered a "club drug," like ecstasy, and it has been abused as a date-rape drug."
That is the primary uses, anesthetics.
So normally NOT a drug normally prescribed for chronic pain management, as far as I know.
And I can see why it would be addictive with it making people feel quite an extraordinary high from it.
However, it also states that:
Unwanted effects include:
addiction
psychosis
amnesia
impaired motor function
high blood pressure
respiratory problems
seizures
Those are some RATHER serious side effects!
If I were you I would decide DO I want to be with someone who is using a "serious" drug as entertainment OR is drug use actually a deal breaker for you.
For me, personally it would be. ONE thing is if she is prescribed a drug another is to use drugs that aren't prescribed to her, because she wants that "high" it offers.
While you might be charming and a great, kind, and understanding guy, SHE isn't going to STOP using because you would LIKE her to stop. ANYONE who is addicted (to anything) WILL not stop, WILL not seek help UNLESS they have gotten to the point where THEY themselves ADMIT and REALIZE they need to stop.
She might also NOT be able to do this herself or with your help only. She might need PROPER help (doctor, rehab etc) to REALLY quit.
I think you are taking on more than you can chew.
Would she take it hard? Maybe, maybe not. The drugs would probably nub it a lot until she finds someone else. It's only been a few months.
And OP, stop being a limp dick. If you aren't a fan of drug or drug use, SAY so. It's OK to not want to have a partner who rather SPACE out on horse tranquilizers!
While it's NOT up to you to decide if she will quit or not, it's DEFINITELY OK to "say no to drug".
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