A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi everyone,I've been dating a girl for a little over a month now. She has never been in anything you could call a "serious relationship" before, so the whole thing is new to her. She has been with some nasty guys in the past, so she has some trust issues. I am by no means a nasty guy. I'm very trustworthy, and yet, she seems to think that I'd rather be with an ex-girlfriend who is on the same course as me at university.Me and my ex started dating just over a year ago. We were together for only three months before deciding that we weren't compatible together and broke up. For the rest of the school year things were awkward between the two of us. However, since the start of our 2nd year of uni, things have been cool. We are friends again, and I'm sure we're both happy that we've gotten past the awkward stage.Sadly my new girlfriend is suspicious, and I don't know why. It's all come to head after wednesday night. Everyone on my course went out on a social (my ex included), and while we were out, my housemate (and a good friend of mine) offered her to sleep on the sofa at the house that me and him share. I wasn't aware of that until the night was over. The three of us took a taxi to our house, and in the end, my ex shared a bed with my housemate (which I didn't have a problem with). I want to be clear that I slept alone in my room.Because my ex ended up at my house, my girlfriend thinks that my ex slept with me. It's nonsense and is causing me a lot of stress. There were photos from the night out, and several of them show me with red on my lips and around my mouth. My girlfriend believes it was lipstick, but there are photos of everyone else with red pen on their faces! Somebody drew of my face and mouth.How much more should someone put up with these sort of accusations?? I know in my heart and mind that I have done nothing wrong (perhaps my ex shouldn't have come back to the house with my housemate, but I played no part in these events). Please give me your opinions on this, because her hurtful accusations are causing me a lot of unneeded and undeserved stress! Thank you!
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male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (1 November 2009):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the help people, but we're at breaking point.
So, it's very early in the morning here in England, and my g/f calls me at about 1:15 and I have to be up for work at 8:20. She asks me to come round, and when I reject her invite because of my early start in the morning, she says "are you sleeping with somebody else then?". Then we start to argue over the phone, and she cut me off. Furiously, I grabbed the first clothes I could find, and drove to hers in my slippers.
As we talked, she admitted that she doesn't think I cheated on her on Wednesday, but is upset that I "didn't consider how she'd feel about my ex sleeping at my house". I argued that I played no part in my ex sleeping over. People, please tell me, could I possibly have said to my ex "No, you aren't allowed to sleep in our 4 bedroom house. You'll just have to find somewhere else to sleep. My girlfriend seems to think that I should have gotten her to sleep at a homeless shelter. I think it's ridiculous.
Towards the end, she asked me to sleep over. I was in no mood to understandably and so I left. Unfortunately, we didn't leave on great terms either. As she lay in bed, I tried to tuck her in and make sure her quilt covered her feet so she'd be comfortable. Then she said "Can you just piss off and turn the lights out please?", at which point I turned around and marched out of the house, absolutely fuming.
Guys, I'm at the end of my tether. Please tell me: Was it wrong for my ex to sleep at my house (not in my room as I explained)? According to "95% of the people" my girlfriend asked said they wouldn't be comfortable with that. Do I have a right to be angry? My girlfriend doesn't think so. And what on earth should I do next? Things aren't looking good for us, and I'm not going to feel like I'm able to fix this without a little perspective. Please, please help me!
A
female
reader, cupidislandgal  +, writes (30 October 2009):
 Andy first let me say If you really cared about her you would take into consideration her feelings!!! Let me tell you about us women....A fact might be a fact when given BUT emotions are still very REAL and it is going to take a lot of reasurring on your part and I also think you need to consider how u would feel if this happened to you (her ex sleeping in her house)... I am kinda going thru the same situation with my BF and YES it is uncomfortable knowing they still talk...I trust him but I think sometime we have to give up an few things in our own life that are not positive for our current relationship! I have given up friends that were not condusive to our relationship because they were causing problems between us...so I am willing to do what is ever necessary to make it work and keep us happy too :) I think you should have talked to your housemate bcause what happened was a bad idea I think! Cheers..
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (30 October 2009):
 For those out there who are single and not yet in this predicament and for the original poster’s future relationships, I strongly recommend people DO NOT people with baggage. It is unfair for you to be punished for the misbehaviour of others... and you will be. This poor OP's post is proof of that.
The good news is OP, you have options. One option I might employ is to invite your housemate, ex-girlfriend and current girlfriend to do something together. It could be going to a movie, attend a dinner or playing cards on the weekend. Enlist the help of your housemate, so they understand your intention is to alleviate any discomfort your current girlfriend may have with your occasional association with your ex. If she can see you two together; see there is no chemistry, she should have NO REASON to feel insecure.
Explain to your girlfriend that it didn't work with your ex. The idea of being with her is like being with your sister (if you are close enough friends) or that you are regularly reminded of why it didn't work. Maybe there is a quality your girlfriend has your ex didn't? You could say something like, "She just can't (blank) the way you do," or "I know she isn't the one for me because I can't laugh with her like we do together," for example.
Tell her this event is designed for her benefit, so she can see there is no romantic chemistry between you and your ex.
It is possible that some people will LOOK for reasons to "be" upset, jealous and suspicious. If she is one of them, you will never be happy while with her. However, if she genuinely feels insecure and doesn't want to, you can help her overcome that with communication and a little extra care.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): Well, you should do something. Explain to your girlfriend what happen excatly that night and take your friend and your ex girlfriend with you. Tell your ex to help you to tell your new girlfriend.( If you think your ex girlfriend is your good friend and she OK with that.You can ask her.) That's the only way ( I think) your girlfriend will believe what you say. You approve it to her you slept alone that night and your friends are joking about red pen on your lips.If you have that picuter, take that picture with you and show her. And tell her you really love her and you will never play with her feeling. And tell her like that " It's not going to happen I know that because I love you. But I am the kind of man that telling you the truth, if I found someone else I will tell you. I am the man. I am the only person who love you for rest of your life. This is not my fault that my house mate and my ex slept. I don't have nothing to do with that. Trust me. I would never cheat on you. and bla bla bla." I hope it's help. Good luck brother. You're in my prayer. I hope your girlfriend will understand you and belive what you say. Don't forget to tell your house mate and ex girlfriend to help you.OK
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): Ask her to read this post. Thats the easy way.For any relationshipo to work there must be comunication. Its tim efor a sit down chat.Firstly: You need to make it clear that you havent cheated on her and arnt going to.Secondly: You need to let her know thats its not ok for her to bring her baggage into your relationship. It sounds harsh I know but what happened to her with other guys isnt your problem and she shouldnt be involving you.Finally: She need to trust you, make it clear that theres no argument on this.As long as you talk (not yell) to her calmly and really listen to what she says in return. Things will be better.If there not then dump her as she is selfish and its only the begining
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