A
male
age
41-50,
*b333333
writes:I'm totally in love with my partner - I love her more than anything in the world. She is 10 weeks pregnant and I am so happy and excited to be with her. However she continues to have a few drinks a week and I suspect more when I am not around her. She also smokes everyday. What I can't understand is that she is so super sharp, intelligent but every friend I have who has kids says that she should give up both immediately. I can't work out if she really wants me, the baby......what should I do?
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female
reader, carolinthegarde +, writes (9 November 2013):
Don't be so hard on her, she is pregnant, everyone expects she can stop smoking just like that.....I am ashamed to say I smoked through 2 pregnancies ...the guilt and shame but both kids healthy, one a graduate, one doing theology in London next year, no health problems, I am now a non smoker...I wish I knew about Nicolette inhalators and patches..they don't affect baby development and helped me after my children were born ...I have not smoked for 13 years...I hated midwives judging means other mothers at the antenatal group. You have to prepare yourself to stop smoking...buy your patches, get your inhalator's...then do it,what a high and self satisfaction you get from not smoking. Also eat healthy and moderate exercise.. be kind and nice to her and you will have a happy and relaxed mother ...good luck..I wish you a happy and healthy baby..enjoy ??xxx
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female
reader, lala33  +, writes (27 August 2009):
im 16 years old and 10 weeks prego. ive been smoking ciggarettes since i was 14, drinking since 12, and somoking weed since about a year ago. the moment i found out i was prego i knew it was time to quit, my baby's health is way more important to me, it part of growing up. I'm not going to make a baby suffer for the dumb decisions i made in the past. If i'm this young and know wrong from right, than everyone on here should know that your damaging a blessing
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): Despite this question being posted quite some time ago, I think the general issue is one for much debate.
I am currently 10 weeks pregnant and have stopped smoking and drinking. Stopping smoking is something that I knew I would find difficult to do and knew that my only chance of being successful would be if I fell pregnant.
I think some of the posts on here are quite unfair, including from women who have smoked and think it's really easy to give up and those who have never smoked and think it should be really easy to give up. The fact of the matter is it is not easy if you are a full-time smoker under any circumstances. If I were not pregnant I would definitely not have managed to give up.
I have sympathy with those people who are pregnant and haven't quite managed it. I have a friend who smoked heavily throughout her pregnancy and was very lucky to have a healthy baby. However he is now 6 years old and is undergoing a series of operations to try and save his hearing and stop a brain infection. Hearing problems in childhood have been linked to smoking in pregnancy. All I can say is for people to take all the help offered to them in stopping smoking.
For me, the thing that helped me most with giving up smoking was the fact that I was not drinking alcohol either. Therefore great idea to give them both up together.
Not drinking has been difficult too, but again for me, going out to places that have entertainment has helped. (ie) not just going to the pub but going to see a comedian, going to the Casino etc.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): That's wrong to drink and smoke while you are pregnant. I'm 11 weeks now and I can't imagine doing anything to harm my unborn baby. Your girlfriend needs to get help. I feel so bad for you because I know that you love your girlfriend but you need to make sure that your unborn baby is healthy. Pray to God about.
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female
reader, hayleyk +, writes (18 October 2008):
Some of the mothers writing in on here make me feel sick,what makes you think smoking and drinking is okay in pregnancy did you know every cigarette stops the blood flow to your baby for 15 minutes!! aka your killing your baby...And for the mother (if thats what you are) drinking and smoking throughout the 1st trimester and i quote FRIDAY NIGHT BINGES. i hope for your sake that child was okay not that you deserve it.Theres people with fertility problems who cant have children lets just hope you have changed your mind.Look through the internet why not look up the benefits of smoking and drinking in pregnancy see what it says NOTHING!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008): People this post is over a year old, she's had the baby by now..
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008): I was disgusted to read some of these answers!! But luckily some people with some sense made constructive responses that didn't involve saying 'let your girlfriend smoke and drink who cares what it does to the baby as long as your having fun' As far as the person who wrote the first post... no wonder you posted under anonymous because you must be one of the most dispicable people in the world to think what you did is fine while you mention your sisters children.I'm 10 weeks pregnant and could never imagine purposly doing something that may harm my baby. Take your girlfriend to the Doctor and get the doctor to expalin the risks to her. Perhaps then she may realise how serious her baby's health is.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): i am pregnant with my 3rd child i smoked every day and had a night out every week drinkin alchol. and my 2 sons was perfect weighing 8lb babys. and so far with my 3rd my midwife says my pregnancy is fine with no problens. my sister with her 1st baby didnt smoke, drink' or even take so much as a pain killer. and her baby ended up with brain damage and loads other things wrong with her. so tell me how that is? the worst thing you could do is stress your girlfriend out about drinking and smoking. just advise her 2 cut down im sure your baby will be fine best of luck xx
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 April 2008):
 I "fink" people should look at the date on the post before they bother to answer.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): i fink smokin while ur pregnant is fine...not sure about drinkin...i mean a couple every now n again shud be ok..but to be honesy doctors dont actually know that it is smokin or drinkin that causes problems they dont actually know what it is thats why they say stop because it cnt be helpin...i mean i am still smokin..i have cut down...but she is not ill she is pregnant she shud be able to enjoy it...i say cut down on smokin as much as poss...and try not to drink but if u jus feel u need to let ya hair down have a couple..but no shots or vodka or spirits!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): Hi,
I think your girlfriend needs to talk to her doctor about the consequences of what she's doing and get some help to stop. she is obviously thinking' oh it won't happen to me' or doesn't care if it does. I lost a much wanted baby at 16wks last year through no fault of my own and it really is heartbreaking, when it's too late that's it, she can't go back when the damage is done and needs to stop. If she wants this baby she needs to give it every chance and stop acting so selfishly, it's not fair on you or the baby. Good Luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): hi ya
well ive just turned 16 years old and i have found out that i am 12 weeks prgnant and my boyfriend is 19 years old and i live with him and his family and my boyfriends sister is due in 5 weeks time and she is almost 21 and his other sister is 30 she is due in 3 months and his brother has got his girl pregnant and she is due in 4 months and only my boyfriend and his mum knows that i am pregnant they want me to have an abortion but i dont want to. they wont let me tell my family and it hurts me. well i am 12 weeks pregnant and i smoke but today i have made a plan for my self, i am only smoking three a day , one in the morning, one after school and also one before i go to bed. what i think you should do is tell her that she is not just harmimg her eslf but she is also harming the fetus in side of her. tell her how you feel about her smoking and drinking if she dont change then you know she dont care about the baby or her self so try and make her change.xxxx i am due in september and thats when i start collage xxxx i hope this has helped you xxxx good luck xxx love stacey xxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): try and ask her to ease up on smoking, cut down. and then intime hopefully she'll stop.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): your girlfriend is not serious, a child is a blessing, if she knew she was going to be so selfish she should have got someone else to carry the baby. If the baby lives is she going to smoke around the baby.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): PLEASE tell your gf to stop smoking and drinking NOW! She is potentially harming your unborn baby. This is baby is harmless and innocent and deserves a chance to come into this world perfectly healthy. My best friends mother smoked heavily while pregnant with her and she grew up with physical problems. If you love your gf and this baby, stand up to your gf and make sure she STOPS immediatly!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): I know that you care about her and the baby, and drikinging while pregnant is definately not good. I have to say, though, that quitting smoking is not as easy as just stopping. (If you've never been a real smoker you won't know what that means). I was able to quit completely with my first child, but started again about a week after she was born. When I got pregnant with my second three years later it was a different story. I tried and tried to quit completely and just could not. I did cut way back, though, (from well over a pack to maybe 5-7 a day)and tried not to smoke more than a few puffs off of any cigarette I smoked. I am NOT a bad mother. I love my kids dearly. But I am definiately hooked and am curretnly trying to quit. Be patient with her, and don't nag. When my husband nagged me it jsut made me want to smoke more. But yoiur girlfriend really needs to lay off the drinking.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): I am about 5 weeks pregnant and yes I still smoke. I cut back to a pack and a half a day to about only five a day, which still not good enough. I am trying to quit and it’s the hardest thing to do. I am only 21 and everyone around me is around the same age, therefore, they still smoke cigarettes, weed, and drink around me, and I just have to learn to stay away from them or not to let it bother me. When finding out that your pregnant and realizing that things have to change is vary hard, be patient with her but still let her know how you feel. If you tell her that you don’t want her to smoke around you she wont and she will have no chose but to sneak around which will make her cut back. Hope it helps GOOD LUCK!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): hi i am also 10 weeks pregnant and i am very suprised that your girl friend hasnt stopped smoking yet. i smoked be for i was pregnant but when i was i couldnt stand the smell of them so it was easy for me why dont you try talking to her friends and family and telling them how you feel they may be able to get the message across better than you can good luck with the baby and the smoking
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): Hey, maybe I'm too late, maybe your girlfriend has had the baby. I had my first child at 17 and my second at 19. I quit smoking immediately, and never ONCE thought about having a drink, because guess what 1 yes EVEN 1 drink can harm your baby, fucking crap when some people say you can have 1 or 2 beer or wine- NOT OKAY. I have many many friends, and yes every pregnancy is different, but "fetal alcohol syndrome is not "just physical, it deals with the brain as well.Not okay to drink while pregnant, Not okay to smoke while pregnant, EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING passes through to that unborn baby, who I might add, did NOT ask to be here.One of my friends smoked throughout, her son was born with an orange nose, why? because of the nicotine - yeah not too nice. Another friend smoked the whole way through, and she now has an asmatic child to deal with.And drinking, yeah, several of my friends thought it was okay...Have you ever heard of "fetal alcohol effects??? Yep, that's the brain And you just don't know for a few years.I would advise your girlfriend to read up, and see a doctor, I have no tolerance for this as I had my children young and knew enough to quit that shit. After all, it's only for 40 weeks, you want to pollute yourself fine, why do that to an innocent child, 40 weeks is nothing. Give it up.I've been trying for another baby for 3 years now, and it just isn't happening, I'd give anything just for that positive test, and I'll tell ya, I'd have NO problems abstaining from any of that. Time to give her head a shake.'human'
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007): I have actually had a baby and I smoked through my entire pregnancy but I did cut back to about 2 a day and I did very little drinking only wine when I went out. My daughter over all is healthy and she weighed 8lbs 1oz but if anything does happen to her I start a guilt trip of whether or not I did it to her by smoking. My daughter was born with a collasped lung which doctors said had to do meconium aspiration not smoking but still it tortures me to think that my smoking may have caused her any problems that have arised and may arise in the future. I will never do this again because of the way I feel now that my baby is born but like I said she is healthy very smart. She is only 10 months and she says at least 10 words that others can understand. She even calls me mama vs ma ma. To be on the safe side and to avoid guilt trips later and still it is possible that something could go wrong may be not but it is risky. Someone else suggested to speak to her doctor which is a very good idea and keeps you out of the confrontation. I do not buy cigarettes anymore but still smoke occasionally and I am trying hard to quit completly so my daughter is completly free from any smoke that may be in my clothes and hair but I advise to at least have her to cut back and really try to quit. I know its hard.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): I am also 10 weeks pregnant and I used to smoke and drink before pregnancy. The minute I found out I was pregant I stopped immediatly. I could not enjoy smoking or drinking now that I am pregnant knowing that is is harming my baby. It sounds like your girlfriend is selfish or thinking more of herself than your baby. There are enough toxins we are exposed to in everyday life, why purposely add more?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): I am 10 weeks pregnant and I smoked and drank before I found out I was pregnant. Even though I had tried to quit both of those things in many different ways previous to becoming pregnant, I found that now that I am pregnant, this was the greatest motivation to quit that you could be given! Drinking at any stage in her pregnancy, CAN cause emotional problems in the child (you could have a child who is violent, angry, depressed, learning difficulties, or all of these things). Everyone knows that smoking is bad for the person who is smoking's health (and that person is a fully formed body) imagine what it is doing to a body and brain that is still trying to form! Plus don't think for a minute that that baby when he is born won't go through withdrawals from the Nicotine (we who quite smoking do - so why wouldn't a baby who has been used to having Nicotine in his system from the instant he was created?) So why in the world would a mother want her brand new tiny helpless baby to go through such things when the only reason the mother has is that "it was just to hard to quit", and it was absolutely not necessary for the child to be born that way? It is just very irresponsible to me and being that I went through quiting both of those vices, I have no love lost for mothers (yes, even this early) who cannot stop being so selfish and do what is right and healthy for that brand new baby.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): The most important fetal development occurs in the first 3 months. Even if you dont feel pregnant, it is very important to take care of your baby. Drinking a beer or a glass of wine once in a while is ok, but smoking can cause great damage. What would help youre girlfriend to take better care of herself and the babay is going to a Dr. for a consult. Hope everything turns out well.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): Hi. Im also 10 weeks and unfortuantly haven't given up the ciggies either. Its not that I don't want to its just the pregency doesn't seem real yet. Im find it hard because all the things that make me who I am, I am having to stop immediately. For example - coffee - I love coffee, nothing better than going to different coffee shops and trying different flavours on a Saturday morning with my girlfriends. Its part of my life and all of a sudden I have to stop this. Your girlfriend is properly thinking the same way. Be patient and she will come around once she starts to feel the pregency is real. Good Luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007): well i guess shes not botherd about the babies health...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): I've had 2 children (both over 8 1/2 lb) and smoked through them both. I also drank quite heavily in the first trimester of the first. Both children are very bright and very beautiful. I am pregnant again (12 weeks) and find myself smoking and drinking (friday night binges). I also suffer from depression and find that I cannot connect with anything - especially I can't feel the joy that I should. Being in a constant state of misery means that I never think anything good will happen to me therefore the same goes for my pregnancies - therefore, my self destruct gets worse. I am fine after the baby is born. Check whether your partner suffers from antenatal depression. Also - whatever your baby turns out like - every sniff and cough - you and your partner will blame themselves. If you ask a midwife about it after the baby is born they may say - like mine said - that smoking probably doesn't cause any harm anyway.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2007): As someone who's had 3 miscarriages in the past and done ALL the research, I can tell you that smoking has nothing whatsoever to do with miscarriage. It does lower a child's birthweight IF YOU SMOKE IN THE LAST TRIMESTER but smoking now at 10 weeks will not have any effect at all. This is a link to the latest research to prove this:
http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/doi/pdf/10.1111/j.1471-0528.2006.01193.x
Drinking alcohol however, IS implicated in the miscarriage rate, and it is certainly known to cause birth defects as in Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
It is FAR more important that your girlfriend gives up drinking than that she gives up smoking.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2007): Hi there,
Its a difficult one I imagine to raise the subject, perhaps you could secretly have a chat with her midwife or doctor and explain your concerns and get them to say something in their role?
Perhaps your girlfriend is finding it tough coming to terms with the pregnancy and using the smoking and drinking to cope? Maybe you could talk to her and see if this is the case?
Failing that let her know your worries and ask her if she plans to stop.
My husband had 2 boys from his first marriage where his wife smoked throughout and as such both were born low weight, prematurely and constantly having colds. Our 3 year old where I didnt smoke was 1 week late, a healthy weight and rarely suffers a cold. This says it all for me.
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female
reader, miss fit +, writes (7 May 2007):
tell her to stop now. and then tell her again when she either has a micarriage or gives birth to a handicapped underweight sickly child. no sugar coating please.sorry. i don't mean to be harsh, as at least your not one of those guys who gets girls up the duff and scarpers, but i want you to know what your girlfriends doing.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 April 2007):
This is a tough one, you can't make her quit but it is your baby too. The alcohol can affect the baby's brain, smoking affects the baby's birth weight both can be very dangerous if the baby has any other problems. She really is being very irresponsible I guess all you can do is try to convince her to quit and be as supportive as you can. You may still have a totally healthy baby but what mother would risk it?
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female
reader, xoTrineyxo +, writes (23 April 2007):
 Wow. You should definetly go to the doctor and get somethign to stop the smoking because as we all know it causes premees etc.... And as for the drinking, i dont know what you should do but it needs to stop.
Talk it over with her.
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