A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and my girlfriend have had a few problems lately but we spoke about them yesturday and sorted things out however i keep thinking that I might have made a bad desicion in not breaking up with her.she had a party on halloween and i got very drunk and everytime i went up to her she just told me to go away i smell of alcohol, i then just put my hand on her back around her waist and then she pushed my hand away. she also was talking to her friend in private and it was 3 of her friends/our friends who were looking after me giving me water etc. and i kept saying i wanted to talk to my gf but she didnt come even after she had spoken to her friend after her friends told her i wanted her. She also was upset/angryand instead of coming to me she was texting this guy (old friend) about it so he rang her and they spoke on the phone. they have been talking for a while after getting back in contact but everyone else of our friends seemed to know about it but me and when we spoke yesturday she said theyd been talking for about 2 weeks and she kept it from me i dont want to know who she talks to its just she told everyone else but me! and she kept blaming me for being drunk but when she was drunk at her last party i took care of her and she was nowhere to be found for me and now i hear different things going around and i dont know what to believe and idk what to do have i made the right desicion or not? i am very confused
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (5 November 2013):
 I think I sympathize with your girlfriend here. She threw a party, and was probably hoping that you'd remain functional enough to act as a co-host (or at least supportive of her), not get totally blasted and then need her to babysit you all night.
And, when you're drunk - maybe you act like a jerk, or you're super needy and whiny. Maybe you're not a great person to be around when you've been drinking. And if you made an embarrassing show of yourself at her party, then I imagine she would be a little upset - you're her boyfriend and your actions do reflect a bit on her.
If she was angry and upset, talking to you about it might not be ideal. A) Because you were probably drunk or hungover. B) Because it would just start an enormous fight and maybe she needed to vent a bit before coming to you.
Talking to an old friend (is he an ex? Or just an old friend?) could be perfectly innocent, or could indicate more trouble in your relationship than you realize. (Or, it could be a little bit of this, a little bit of that.) I'm not saying she's cheating, but she could be pulling away from you and starting to detach herself from this relationship.
If you don't want to be with her, then you should break up with her. If you do, then you should talk to her. Both of you are missing something from this relationship, and perhaps if you talk about it, you can both find satisfaction.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 November 2013):
It's nobody's job to take care of you when you're drunk. Some people are very embarrassed by their partner being sloppy drunk, others aren't.
I know that if my wife and I were in your shoes it'd be the same way because she had relatives who abused alcohol so she would hate the sight of me wasted. I, on the other hand, don't care, so the one time she got pretty drunk I took care of her.
The lesson here is that people don't all react the same to every situation, and a conversation about it won't change that.
What would bother me is her secretly talking with her ex. You need to have a talk about that to see what's going on. She may not have told you because it's innocent and she didn't want to upset you.
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