A
male
age
36-40,
*ho's it
writes:Girlfriend of three months tells me via text message that she has a son. We just started getting slightly serious, and I still feel a little lied to. I am 25, she 23, I have no idea how old her son is. I had no idea that she had a son, not even any hints. Is she just opening up now, or may this be a pattern of lying.The truth is, I have no idea how to handle this. I am not sure that I even want to be with a girl who has a kid, but we are so great together. Marriage material? I am not sure at all. It's not something that I am considering. I am still loving life.There is a question in there somewhere. This text message has floored me.Perplexed,25 and unsure
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male
reader, who's it +, writes (22 October 2009):
who's it is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think that I am going to leave her. I honestly do feel like I can never trust her again. It's a strange feeling, something that I not accustomed to experiencing with women.thanks for what help you could give me.25 and Sure.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 October 2009):
 Well, that settles the matter. Leave her, but tell her why.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (22 October 2009):
 WHY ARE YOU EVEN LETTING HER BACK INTO YOUR HOUSE?I am sorry, but if you refuse to see the absurdity of her excuses, then there is little any one of us can do to help you.I suggest you go down to the store in the morning and get an etching set so you can imprint SUCKER on your forehead.If it were me her ass would not be anywhere near me, it would be out on the street.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): It's shady as hell that she not only didn't mention her son to you for three months, but when she did she TEXTED it. Not mentioning you have a kid is not a small oversight; being a mom is a HUGE part of her life (unless she's a bad parent) and I can't understand why she wouldn't have mentioned that to you other than that she is lying about who she really is. Chances are, she's lied about a lot of other things, too.
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A
male
reader, who's it +, writes (22 October 2009):
who's it is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just spoke with her on the phone.Her excuse for me not knowing about her son, was that she had told me twice that she had a son. Once the first night we hooked up. I had been celebrating and was drunk then. She even makes fun of me for that night, and not remembering anything. Second when we were leaving an Octoberfest event, draw your own conclusion. I am not a drinker, and she has literally seen me drunk two Maybe three times. Why did she pick those two times to tell me and never bring it up again? Did she even tell me, and this is a brain ninja move to get me to think that I am the dick?I was half asleep when she got back to me tonight, and I was trying to be nice. I am not normally passive with women, so I will have to see how it goes tomorrow.
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A
male
reader, who's it +, writes (22 October 2009):
who's it is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just spoke with her on the phone.Her excuse for me not knowing about her son, was that she had told me twice that she had a son. Once the first night we hooked up. I had been celebrating and was drunk then. She even makes fun of me for that night, and not remembering anything. Second when we were leaving an Octoberfest event, draw your own conclusion. I am not a drinker, and she has literally seen me drunk two Maybe three times. Why did she pick those two times to tell me and never bring it up again? Did she even tell me, and this is a brain ninja move to get me to think that I am the dick?I was half asleep when she got back to me tonight, and I was trying to be nice. I am not normally passive with women, so I will have to see how it goes tomorrow.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (22 October 2009):
If you don't feel happy with her, leave her now. But I don't see a reason why you should do that. At least not with the information you gave.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (22 October 2009):
OH COME ON!
somebody you date for three months waits that long to tell you they have a child?
Uh thats a red flag right there. I am sorry, but that is a HUGE omission to leave out. I'd not be seriously getting involved with this woman at all. Take it very slow and casual. what's next? you find out she has a whole other family? or she is "kinda divorced: or 'kinda separated"....yeah I see where this is going...especially letting you know by text message??
COME ON AUNTIES....WAKE UP!
TRUST YOUR GUT!
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A
female
reader, dizzie  +, writes (22 October 2009):
look mate i dont know the ans to your question, all i know is my gut feeling. she aint lied to you, she is open and honest and for that i give her praise. ok maybe she didnt go "I HAVE A KID" on the first date but you were willing to see her again. you must have had something in common or you wouldnt be on here asking our advice. get a grip - be with her or let her go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): if your gut tells you to go, then i would. Because usually my gut feeling is on track. But that was not offered into the equation in the original post...and my psychic abilities are on strike today. Lol. Good luck sweatheart.
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A
male
reader, who's it +, writes (22 October 2009):
who's it is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is 25 and unsure.I understand what you are all talking about. I am from a single mother family, and I have personoly seen the adverse affects from mothers getting too serious too soon. I even brought up this exact situation to her a couple weekends ago about a friend of mines Ex, who brought here daughter and her daughters friend over for pizza and a movie night. They broke up very shortly after. I know that she thinks her market value is lower for the fact of having a son to another man. I am okay with that really. The fact that she spends the entire weekend with me, from Friday evening to Sunday late afternoon, and the occasional week night, and never says anything about her son. She lives with her parents now but first told me about having a dirty room mate and how she was going to move out.Who is watching her son for these extended periods of time? How could she leave her child for that long?My gut tells me it's been a whole bunch of lies in a row. . . . .
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (22 October 2009):
Perplexed 25 and Unsure, it might be a very innocent thing, and indeed I think it is.This girl knows that her "market value" is lower now that she has a child. Many a man will want to be with her just to taste "the forbidden fruit" (as if they didn't sell all sorts of fruits in supermarkets), or will go very, very far away when they discover she has a son. And, the other way around: she does not want her son to meet every new interest of hers, but only guys who do seem to care. Maybe she does like you and think you're "da man"?As to being with her now that she has a son, let me tell you a little secret: look at the son! If the son is well groomed, attends school, eats his meals, is polite, et cetera, and, on top of that, does not complain about her mother nagging too much, then you have found good marriage material. If the son is dirty, curses like a mariachi, et cetera, you know her character, too.The father might get nosy once in a while, yes. And maybe she won't want to have a child by another man. But, she's young, so chances are she will want to have another child. Particularly if "25 and unsure" does show that he cares about her son "now living".
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A
female
reader, dizzie +, writes (22 October 2009):
i also agree with married lady. your future relationship is based on wheather your compatible with your lover. she doesnt want to take the risk of you falling for her without you knowing the truth. she also doesnt want her child to become attached to you without good reason. if you dont feel that you can do that please tell her now. she has told you before things get too much. its not a lie she told you the truth
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): i dont think she was lying. I see her as a responsible parent. Until she thought this might potentially go somewhere there was no need for you to know. She told you at the time she deemed that it was a factor. Introducing it in to the mix now, before the relationship became too serious is quite mature in my books. Just my opinion tho. ;)
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