A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi There, It's come to this as I honestly don't know what else to try, and I need to know if I am in the wrong here or if it's my current gf. I met my current gf 4 years ago, at this point she was lovely and wanted to be totally involved in my life, this included meeting my daughters mum and all my friends. Things seemed to be going perfectly. After one year I then bought us our first home, however things changed after this date.Now my current gf will not allow me to speak to my ex, my daughter is 11 and I am only allowed to drive up to the outside of her house and wait for her to come to me. It's killing me inside, I am not allowed to go to Parents evenings, or ever allowed to discuss my daughter with her mother. Now my current gf wants a baby, but I said that I need to be allowed to go into my daughters home and see her room and be able to talk to her mother about my daughter. She says that I am being horrid and I should not involve my daughter in the decision to have a child with her. I said I am not happy if she makes me do these things, yet she said she will leave me if I do. Am I in the wrong?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): Got rid of that miserable insecure person. She is in a contest with you heart the prize. No need to ask who has your heart. You can say that you have a big enough heart to share your love but this bitch is too selfish to share. Its her way it the highway. Never, I mean never allow you daughter to feel that she is 2nd. Go look at her room if she wants you to see it. Make her proud. Tell that paranoid girl to fuck off.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (2 April 2010):
 Missed your FOLLOW UP...
Thanks,
I kind of guessed it was time to get rid, I have tried talking to her, but she will not listen to me. I have already lost my friends due to her, I moved 150 miles from them. She banned me going to one of their weddings as she knew I was good friends (just friends) with the bride.
I kind of know what's going on, but just fill like I have been brainwashed into thinking this is how it's meant to be.
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Poor Dad, can't be a proper father, can't have any friends, not allowed to go to weddings....
Time to stop sex or at least get a strong condom, things will get worse if she gets a baby from you...
Doesn't sound like love, it sounds more like jail to me....
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (2 April 2010):
Poor daughter, she must miss her dad very much...
It won't get better once your girlfriend has a child, instead it'll be 1000% worse. Your girlfriend wants your ex and her child out of your life, she intends her and her new baby to be the only ones who are dear to your heart...
Poor daughter, she must miss her dad very much..
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A
female
reader, naughty girl +, writes (2 April 2010):
Once she has your baby I think she will become much worse. This happened to a friend of mine. If your girl friend has your baby she will feel threatened that you love older child more than new baby-even if its blatently obvious that you love them the same. With a baby as amunition she could push you into a corner and make you choose. 'Me and new baby' or 'other daughter'. Sounds completley nuts and crazy but I think your gf is crazy and could be headed that way. As I said this happened to a male friend of mine. It started off like your situation. Once his new wife had a baby the jelousy, insecurity and crazyness got much worse. Once the new wife had baby number two she made him choose between 'new wife and two children' or 'older daughter'. It wasn't that he loved older daughter less than new daughters. Its just that there were two of them and one of her. Very, very sad for first born daughter because she hasn't seen her Dad for 8 years.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (2 April 2010):
I think she is very insecure and feels threatened by the bond you HAD with your baby mother in the past. If this is her only problem and she is perfect in every other way, then don't dump her immediately. Just really tell her that you have started to hate being around her and that you want to be separate from her for a while to think about the relationship. Tell her that you find her controlling and suffocating. Women hate being told they have changed for the worse. Tell her about wanting to also communicate with your daughter's mother because she is a part of your daughter's life and that's it. Take it or leave it. You have to be firm. Something tells me you like to stay away from arguments and just aquiesce to keep the peace. That hasn't worked. So be direct, be firm, be clear. If she says she want to break up then tell her you are ok with it. There is something about standing up to a bully that makes them start to think like a human again. I have a friend who had this problem and wasn't allowed to visit the mother of his 4 kids to discuss child issues. He was normally calm and quiet but in a flash he snapped and snarled back and he has never had a problem again. She is pushing her boundaries so push back and be clear about your position. Make it clear that you have no romantic attraction to the mother, its only about your child. If she can't accept it, there's the door.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): I totally agree with all the posters---don't ever chose a mate over your child. If she is acting this way now--imagine how she will conducting herself if you have a child with her. It seems to me that she is threatened by your ex and the relationship you have with your daughter and frankly I think she is a silly fool..she is basically asking you to be a dead beat Dad. What decent woman would do such a thing? THINK MAN, THINK!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): if is makes you feel better my mum banned by dad from our house about 5 years ago and he is only allowed to pick me up outside - its a nightmare personally but i figured, idiotic daft mad woman on the rampage again, not gonna win that fight thus might as well go along with it. The only worry is that i turn into my mother - ahhhhhhh! lol
As for your problem - i think not going in house is a reasonable request however no parents evening or chats with ex about daughter is not right. You should be allowed to do those things and sadly i have no answer to give to help the situation but explain how unhappy it makes you that you can not be as involued with your daughter as you'd like. What's next? No sport's day, no birthday parties etc. How about a compromise - if going in house then take current girlfriend with you and like wise with parent's evening, and if ringing ex then always do it infront of current gf. That way she knows there is nothing to hide. I know - tis a pain but if it makes her feel better and is a happier middle ground for you both then it may be worth exploring.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): Grow some balls.
You have a daughter and liasing with her and her mother is something that you need to do.
If your current leech can't handle it, tell her to fuck off.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (2 April 2010):
 No you are not wrong, and you should tell her to hit the road the next time she tries to limit your interaction with your daughter.
Her behavior is an indication of the kind of insanity you can expect from this woman if you decide to have a child with her. Think carefully about whether or not you want to start a family with this woman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): Your children ALWAYS come first. New gf or wife, even the mother of your child, looses next to your child. The moment someone makes you 'decide' between your child and someone/thing else, you know they have no best interest for you. Your daughter will be apart of your life always and it is important that she feels like she comes first in your life, is important. When you enter a new relationship, this person is coming into YOUR life WITH your DAUGHTER, and this person needs to accept that, and if not, are they worth having? Let me answer that for you, no.
Shame on you for being confused in the first place. Children come first.
Personal experience, my dad is a 51 tradesmen with two failed marriages, two daughters, one married and with a baby (so a grandpa) and another he is supporting through college! His gf? Wants him to have a baby with him. From the beginning he has told her this is something he DOES NOT want and if she does, to move on and do so. Instead, she persisted to change his mind. Now? She is resentful and jealous of me because my dad loves and puts me first. I used to like her, until I had this realization she wanted my dad for her and her potential baby. Because she does not agree with him loving me so, supporting me, he is leaving her. I come first. This isnt being selfish. But I was here first, I'm daddies little girl. Because like you, when theres no one for my dad to lean on, he will always have himself and his children. Take care of your children.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): Thanks,
I kind of guessed it was time to get rid, I have tried talking to her, but she will not listen to me. I have already lost my friends due to her, I moved 150 miles from them. She banned me going to one of their weddings as she knew I was good friends (just friends) with the bride.
I kind of know what's going on, but just fill like I have been brainwashed into thinking this is how it's meant to be.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 April 2010):
You need to get rid of this girlfriend. Either that, or your daughter is going to seriously hate you for not being there. Your current girlfriend sees your past family life as a threat, and essentially wants it eliminated. But it won't go away, and you get to be one of those Dad's who's never there. Your daughter needs you to be at parents evenings. She needs you to discuss problems. She will need you there all the way through her life. But you will lose her and she will end up really resenting you if you allow your current girlfriend to continue this way. I promise you if you do not get rid of her, your daughter will wind up hating you and going straight off the rails. I've seen it happen to a friend. Her father wasn't there, and she has cut him out of her life and is now on drugs. So make your decision. Current girlfriend who is out to ruin your family life an control you. Or your daughter.
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