A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been trying to avoid posting another question on here because I'd really prefer to work on things like this between just me and my girlfriend. But I'm kinda stumped on this one and the outside advice could help us a lot...Ok, here goes...My girlfriend has never had an orgasm before solely because she is shy about expressing herself and therefore holds back. I understand how difficult it must be for her. I want to help her. I've told her there's nothing to be shy about and that I'll try my best to help her break this 'habit'. But she still holds back. I'm just not sure where to go from here. Maybe it will just happen in time but what if it doesn't? Any advice you might have would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (24 July 2010):
 I hate to be the one to tell you this, but she ultimately is responsible for her own orgasm. Yes, you may be intimately involved and assisting but the only one holding her back is herself.
Do as you are doing by not putting pressure on her. I'd advise changing it up. Remember that intercourse isn't the end-all and be-all of sex for everyone. There's lots of things you can do that don't involve it and maybe some extended playing, orally or manually, may introduce her to the notion that it's okay to be selfish in bed. Maybe some sessions where you don't actually take any clothes off, and she has all hers off? Mix it up, make it fun, keep letting her know you find her sexy and gorgeous. Buy a vibrator, I don't mean a dildo for insertion, but a little vibrator that you could experiment with. Toys can be very instructive.
It's really up to her her to figure it out, and all you can do is create a safe place for her to feel it's okay to let go. You can lead a horse to water, as the saying goes...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): first most women dont reach it by penatration alone if at all, secound if she dosnt relax its not going to happen third are you doing all you can to help her reach the o.
so top tips, nice quiet house no one to interupt, get her to relax massage etc low lights scented candles, get your act together read up on what works,take your time and make it happen.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you tmariee. :)
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A
female
reader, tmariee +, writes (24 July 2010):
well of course its not you!! just try an ease things up like luckyirishlass says so she can feel more compfortable and less shy(: eventually she will have one.. also try going down on her might help loosen her up! play games make her feel sexy less shy!(: hope this helps!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, this is one reason why I didn't want to post this question. People make assumptions.
First of all miss anonymous, my girlfriend is the one who said she has never had one before because she is SHY about expressing herself and holds herself back. (like I clearly stated in the question.)
Secondly Soul4real, it has nothing to do with me! Again as I stated in the question, she holds herself back. She has told me on numerous occasions that she has been very close but forces herself not to orgasm. Don't try to knock my self confidence, it's bad enough as it is!
I put no pressure on her AT ALL and I've told her not to worry about it.
Please in future, READ THE QUESTION PROPERLY before making assumptions and jumping to conclusions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): I've got news for you. Some women never have orgasms. If she is enjoying herself, don't feel responsible for this situation.
It could be that the way you stress about it makes her feel pressurised. Just do all you can to make her enjoy herself and stop worrying about it.
There is more to life than having orgasms. What about the fun you have together, the way you talk, the other things you do. The world seems to have gone crazy, everybody wanting it to be like in the movies.
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A
female
reader, luckyirishlass  +, writes (14 July 2010):
Honestly i think nearli every girl goes through this.. what worked for me was when my boyfriend did spontaneous things like grab me from behind and kiss my neck.. or whisper things in my ear in public.. or a sexy text.. little things that appear innocent, but arent reali ;) believe me she'll get turned on more and more, till eventuali wen u have sex she wont be able to hold back!
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