A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is meeting up this this guy she barely knows(they met once a few years ago that's all) and she has been buying new clothes, getting a haircut, dying her hair (she would never dye her hair) and suddenly making herself all stylish and what not within 2 weeks. We have a really strong bond, and she has told me that he is just a friend and she loves me very much. I never thought I'd be feeling jealous about someone she's going to meet up with, but this guy... gives me a very very weird feeling... on a networking site he is always flirting towards her, and sometimes what she writes back seems a bit flirtatious... or just different to who she is (or who I think she is), but I feel that she might not realise that the way she's speaking to him can be misread,,,by me or actually... him. I don't think she would ever cheat on me, what worries me is this guy. Whenever I mention it she gets angry and defends herself which is basically defending him. I just feel really uneasy about him and it has kinda been driving me insane. I'm trying to stop it getting to my head because I don't want to make myself look like a jealous fool and therefore making her get angry at me and possibly start seeing this guy as someone better than me. If it was anyone else she was meeting up with, I'd be fine... its just this guy is so mysterious and I feel like she trusts him a lot when she doesn't even know him.When they last recently met she said they were going to a certain place (which I accepted in my own head and didn't make a fuss)and she said it was only for a bit (3 hours? 4? 5?). After 8/9 hours of being out, she tells me AFTERWARDS that she didn't go to that place, and infact they just stayed at his flat the whole day, she painted his fucking room..(!!!!!!???!?!?!) and watched a film together... and probably did some shisha or weed I'm guessing.(she is very easily persuaded when shes in a place were people smoke stuff).I felt like she gave me a slap in the face, lied to me about where she was going (Its not like I want to know where she is every single second, I just wanted a general idea of what she was going to be up to that day).. I told her a long time ago that I didn't like that guy because I had a funny feeling about him. Anyway, I'm a bit all over the place about this topic .. I wish he would just go away... he's the only problem in our relationship, he's making the trust, shake.any suggestions?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 Red flags all over the place. However, what it boils down to is trust. Do you trust her or not?
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (6 January 2011):
 Girls don't realize that we as men understand men's intentions better than women do. You know this guy is trying to get with her, and it bugs you because either she's oblivious to it or she likes it. Worst case is that she actually would be cheating with him, thus her defensive nature toward the topic.
If she's getting all dolled up for him, and not you, that's a very bad sign indeed.
Could he be just a platonic friend to her? Yup.
Is she just a platonic friend to him? Not likely.
And there in lies the problem. You're not crazy to not like them interacting, but you have to trust her or you'll just drive her away.
Ask her to look at it from your perspective. How would she feel if a girl looked like she was flirting with you online. How would she feel if you went and spent the day with that girl? How would she feel if you went out of your way to look good for that girl when you don't do that for her? How would she feel if you were alone with a girl in her bedroom watching a movie?
The answer to all of those is she wouldn't like it. If she wouldn't like it, why should you?
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