A
male
age
30-35,
*eatlesschair
writes:My partner and I have been together for 2 years now, and it's been pretty great. But in the last year our sex life started to be less frequent.We've been playing some kinky games in the last number of months, where she would talk about her flirting with other guys. I think my partner may have taken it too far last week, but it really turned me on.My girlfriend and I were having drinks at my friend's house up at my friend's cottage, he's a black friend I go swimming with. We slept over last week after drinking heavily that night, we both slept on the couch, but that morning I couldn't find her anywhere in the house. I looked everywhere in the house. Then I checked the one room I didn't check. I went to my friend's bedroom, creaked opened the door, and to my surprise my girlfriend was in his bed, topless in her underwear. My heart sunk, but I felt a feeling I never felt before. I went to the bathroom and felt so turned on that I started masturbating. It was really intense. I was too scared to confront her so I went back to the couch and went back to sleep. Maybe an hour passed, and I get woken up by her. She's in a towel and told me she just took a shower and that my friend had just left, but I had a gut feeling that she did something she wasn't telling me. In the car ride home home, she told me that she had to stop by a drugstore quick. She came out with a bag of things and we got back home. She brought the bag into the bathroom and she turned on the shower. I snuck close to the door and heard some rustling. After she left the bathroom, I went in, locked the door and turned on the shower. Nervous, I emptied the trash bin and found something hard to swallow, it was a package for plan b.I'm not sure what to say to her. but part of me knows that she still loves me. Maybe this was just a one time thing. Stella hasn't said anything about it since, but she did hint at something that made me want to write this. She mentioned what it was be like to be poly.Any advice?
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male
reader, GregoFranco +, writes (20 December 2021):
This is a great question. So many people think they're supposed to live life a certain way when maybe they can't. Talk to your boy and let him know that you know. Then tell him it's all good and plan an evening with her. At the end of the night, bang her lights out and tell her you feel the same way.
On the other hand, if she's not into it then you might be dealing with a cheater. That would complicate everything. You'd have to listen to the usual dumb ass excuses other regular cheating women have. "I was drunk" etc.
Hopefully things workout and poly is the direction you're headed.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2021): Similar to Wise Owl, I'm confused as to the need to mentioned the race of your friend, I was expecting it have a point in the story because why else would it matter.
Put it every which way you like, poly/open etc relationships require a solid foundation of trust. Starting one off the back of her cheating on you, well? Likely she cheated because the thrill of getting caught turned her on. Why else would she be stupid or brazen enough to do it right under your nose. This wouldn't change for a poly, she would still have to cheat.
Also I feel like she doesn't have respect for you given she cheated and got plan B so openly. The respect will decline further if you just go along with an open relationship because she cheated on you
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 December 2021):
Well, it sounds like you have a girlfriend who will probably continue cheating on you. Ave you have a friend who's an asshole.
What you do with them is up to you but unless you want an open relationship you should move on.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (1 December 2021):
 If I were you I wouldn't want to talk to except say "Goodbye". You can slice it any way you want to but she cheated on you right under your nose, then left the evidence basically right under your nose. That isn't last be OP. That looks far more low ke" I don't care". What friend cheats with his friends girl?? When I was very young my best friend (so I thought) cheated with my boyfriend. We had hung out together all the time the3of us. I was too naive to realize what was happening in front of me. They both admitted to me that they had sex with each other. I lost a boyfriend and a best friend that day. I was young but not stupid. You don't treat people that eay. Dr wit and lying and sneaking around. Do what you want the odds of a poly relationship are slim. How. An you trust her ever again?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2021): She cheated. Now the ball is in your court. Getting turned on by it is irrelevant, you being a cuckold is another matter.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 December 2021):
 I fully agree with WiseOwlE
"I can only be blunt. Your girlfriend cheated on you."
yeah, she cheated on you. There is no doubt.
Being into "poly" doesn't give anyone a free hall-pass to screw around. It's not an excuse to "duck" other people. Not only that, but she did this with no protection. So if the dudes she "ducks" around with have STD's she will take them HOME to you.
The fact that she hasn't told you is because she thinks "what HE (you) doesn't know won't hurt HIM (you) and SHE won't be such a failure at being GF.
She isn't keeping this to herself because she LOVES you. She knows she messed up and she doesn't care.
As for your so-called friend... what the heck!? Who does that? Who sleeps with your friend's GF? And then pretend (at least to you) that it didn't happen?
Do you WANT to be with a partner who cheats? Are you that much of a pushover? Do you lack a backbone? Can you not stand up for yourself?
Or are you OK with it because it made you sexually aroused so YOU got something out of it too?
Think about it.
If she can be this calm, cool, and collected about "ducking" your friend while YOU sleep in the next room, do you really think this is the first time or that it will be the last?
YOU have to decide if you want CHEATING in a relationship or not. Wanting a Polyamorous relationship so it's OK to cheat is just bullshitting the truth.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2021): I can only be blunt. Your girlfriend cheated on you.
Why was it necessary to mention the race of your friend? Is there some special significance in his being black?
Polyamorous-relationships work mostly in theory, and a lot of people involved (committed didn't seem the right word) in these kinds of relationships claim all sorts of great and wonderful things about them; mainly because they don't want to be judged, and it's their thing. When you're involved in something taboo or controversial, you want to give it legitimacy; and you'd vigorously advocate for tolerance. The objective is to bring it to acceptance in the mainstream. Nature has her own ideas about it. Human nature is arbitrary and unpredictable. It's hard enough for couples to maintain harmony. If your relationship is founded mainly on sexual-pleasure, and you feel less interested in fidelity and true-love within a relationship; then lustful-pleasure is probably enough to sustain it. Until the need to pair-off becomes too great of an urge or instinctive-impulse to be suppressed.
Most of the time, someone gets jealous. If these group-romances last, finances are the main reason; because combined incomes allows for a better lifestyle, and it's easier to pay the rent. You reap the benefits of having more disposable income!
We are naturally-wired to be social; but eventually, we pair-off when it comes to finding a mate. In ancient-times, wealthy-men had many wives and concubines; but imagine the jealousy and drama. The competition to be the favorite. The despair of those who felt neglected and under-appreciated. It's tough keeping one person happy and fulfilled! While others stand there with folded-arms tapping their foot, while waiting their turn.
You may know she still loves you, but you will no longer trust her. Insecurity is sneaky, but it will eventually creep its way in! The incident you experienced may have a lot of pornographic-intrigue and sensual-appeal; but eventually, you'll want somebody fully-committed, devoted, and faithful to you. The next guy will be more of a novelty, and fresh meat on the menu; so you'll feel a little left-out. Who wants to feel like the side-order?
She isn't just asking for a polyamorous-relationship; she wants your permission to have sex with other men...maybe one other guy in particular. An open-relationship. How secure are you in your masculinity? How much control do you have over your pride and male-ego? Will it bother you if the other guy has a larger penis? There's a bunch to be considered!
You'll be fascinated by the idea; because that proposal seems like a turn-on. In the realm of fantasy, it's exciting; but in reality, once it is done, you can't undo it! Lets see how you'll feel once you've faced the long-term reality.
If you want to find a replacement without dealing with loneliness after the breakup; I couldn't think of a better way to do it. Suggest a three-way/poly-relationship! It won't work, but it has a temporary placebo-effect.
Alrighty then! How long do you think the novelty will last? You've already invested a couple of years into this relationship, now you've got to share it.
Living in a reality-TV/live-porn video relationship will wear-off pretty quick, I'd venture to speculate.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (1 December 2021):
 She left you on the sofa, went into your friends room and by the looks of it had sex. She did this right under your nose thinking you were asleep, how would she know you never got up in the night wondering where she is, then finding her as you did.
I don't think she has done an awful lot to conceal her tracks, she had sex with him under your nose, then the next day leave's the contents of the plan B in the bathroom bin knowing full well you would be going in there after her.
What concerns me more is she obviously went unprotected, she has risked getting pregnant, and also contracting STD's, which then puts you at risk also, this is stupid and careless.
Was this a one time thing you ask?. If she is capable of doing it once then i would say more than capable of doing it again. Is the the relationship life you want to go down?.
Most relationships are doomed to fail once you allow a third party into the bedroom, just read back on past posts of threesomes and how this turns out in relationships.
It is your decision what to do now, but all i can say is i could not see many people being ok with this at all, especially as she has ultimately put your health at risk now.
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