A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need help I got pregnant in 2020 and I was living with my mother in law , brother in law and father in law ( my mil and fil live in separate rooms) From the day I got married I felt like she hates me , She would not eat the food I cook, my brother in law is her favourite since we had a 3 bedroom my bil used to sleep in the living room , she would always have a bitch fit about it and when I got pregnant she would complain about space so we moved out. In this all , the house was on sale and my mil said she would give us some money for deposit , so after we moved within few months the house was sold and she bought a new house with my brother in law. For a year she would not even bother with my daughter but all of a sudden she offered for babysitting so I agreed , but she would always prefer my sis in laws daughters over mine . Now we have moved back due to financial difficulty and it’s really hard coping with her my husband keeps on saying to ignore her and he does not believe me the way his mother treats me or my daughter he goes I am overthinking We moved in to the new house my brother in law sleeps in the living room as before and she is not happy about it I really don’t know what to do I am trying to keep my calm as we need her help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2021): Right now there are so many jobs out there.Get a job any job will do even if it is cleaning toliets.Get two jobs if you have to.Hubby can work two jobs too.Have grandma babysit and save your money and get out of there. I have been on my own since I was 15...I took any job to pay the bills.You are a grownup with a child...It is now time to act like it.Even collecting cans to get money is something.I can understand your mother in law not wanting you there...extra work and money on her part..She has a right to be upset.That is the part I do not think you get.Stop acting like you are entitled to her support.You are not...grow up.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2021): In all of this, if you're experiencing financial difficulty why can't you and your daughter live with your parents whilst you get on your feet?
You mil sounds frustrated that she has to keep bailing you both out. She put you up before and paid a deposit on a place for you all and now you're back once again. Of course she is annoyed because I bet her other son is paying a large amount of upkeep to sleep on the sofa in his own home because you and your hubbie can't sort yourselves out to provide a stable home for your daughter.
Personally I think the pair of you need to pull your finger out and start acting like parents rather than a air of students/travellers moving about all the time and living hand to mouth.
You mil probably has more patience with her other grandkids because she gets a rest from them. She gets to actually be a grandparent and not a live in housekeeper and babysitter. Only you and your hubbie can change that by getting your lives together.
In the meantime, be grateful to your mil as she doesn't 'hate' you enough to see you homeless now does she?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2021): Have you ever heard the expression to "bite the bullet?" That means to take it no matter how painful the situation may be. If you are now back in her house, once again; apparently she doesn't hate you, or your daughter, enough to see you homeless and on the street.Sometimes mother-in-laws don't like their son's or daughter's spouses; because in most cases, they don't get to pick them. Unless, of course, you're in an arranged-marriage. There are billions of mean jokes and memes about mother-in-laws; so it is befitting that she lives-up to the stereotype of being the unbearable mother-in-law. Develop a tolerance for her. You've admitted you need her. She could have refused to let you stay with her, and suggested you stay with your own family. Apparently, that's not an option; you didn't mention that as an alternative. You don't have to explain that, if you don't care to.The more uncomfortable you are in her home, the sooner you'll get out of there! Best you don't grow roots!It serves no purpose to be ungrateful, or to complain. She shouldn't have to keep her grown-children as long-term boarders to ward-off their homelessness. It doesn't help when you don't particularly like your daughter-in-law. I find it hard to believe it is as bad as hatred; if she can actually stand to have you living in her home for extended periods. Getting pregnant could have waited, when you had limited space in her first house; while you were experiencing financial-difficulty so serious that you could have been homeless. How she wants to treat her own son or nieces?!! Well, isn't that up to her? It's up to you how you treat yours; even if you wish to spoil the child! Her son is probably going to take care of her in her old-age; if he has gone as far as to buy a house, and also live with her. If he's a devoted mama's boy, that's their business.She can choose whichever kid(s) she wants as her favorite(s). It's not as bad for grandparents to do that; as it would be for the mother or father of the children to choose their favorites. Grandparents will often choose the kid(s) most well-behaved, carry the family resemblance, and the kids belonging to the in-law(s) they like the most. It's sad, not very nice, but it's one of those terrible realities.Get along with her, be respectful, and be tolerant; until you can leave. Kill her with kindness, because your family could be out on the street. If she won't eat what you cook, shrug it off! No biggy! Humbly ask her to teach you to cook some of her recipes. That might flatter her a little, and ease a little tension between you. If you call yourself competing with her cooking style, or trying to cook totally opposite from what she does (implying her food is unhealthy), in her own house; you're asking for it! A lot of times, it's all an act; because mother-in-laws want you to show them what you're made of, and they put the pressure on you to steal their hearts. If she never wanted you to marry her son in the first-place? Oh well!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2021): She owes you nothing and has already done far more than most would have done. Be a grown up and stand on your own two feet. Get jobs that pay well, do a part time job too if you need to and pay your own way. It is not nice to only want someone in your life when it is to get financial benefits from it, it is using people, and taking them for granted. She must have spotted that you need to grow up and try harder yourself. Nobody owes you a life, or somewhere to live, or money.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2021): This is a prob
with mils they feel they can choose whom their sons marry.
But u have to put more effort to convience her
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2021): Am not sure youre meant to say "hate
Maybe she feels you`re different from what she expects of her son`s wife.
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