A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm in a horrible situation and its killing both me and my gf. I've been in a relationship for two years now and despite what I'm about to say, I've never been happier, I can imagine not growing up and living my life with my gf, my freinds say they have never seen me so besotted. But around a year ago, after my mother had died and my family had all had mass problems, when my gf and I were not living together , I went on a site that I had found on my brothers PC, it was a gay domination site. Something lured me into it and I became aroused by the idea of the dominant scene. I was obviously confused because it was a male domination scene. I then got into a habit of going on it and checking things up and reading msgs it did initially arouse me, then it did nothing for me and i'm not homophobic but the idea of it them made me feel queasy, I've never thought of a man as anything more than a mate and still don't I'm simply not attracted to me or their anatomy but something in that dominant scenario did arouse me, I then for a while just used to check the site for msgs which even when I read or replied it did nothing for me but I did it out of habit.I closed down ( by this time I had two profiles , not my pics though ) one profile as I just didn't want to be on it, and thought I was being a deceitful but also I wasn't interested, the other I left and just didn't use. I'm stupid though and didn't even delete my history of my computer and my gf a few days ago found links to these sites and I just had to come clean with everything. We're still trying but I get the impression she's just not going to manage and she will leave me and I don't blame her, but the pain of her leaving me is killing me, I can;t eat, sleep or function because of it. I regret falling into this fetish and I can honestly say its well and truly gone. I was perhaps am ( although I really honestly don't feel it) Bi curious. I don't think i'm in denial, and I wouldn't care if I was bi or gay or str8. The issue is what I like, what I'm into, what I want is my gf. Have I ruined things. She obviously feels betrayed but can someone ever get over something like this. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't really think she's being immature, I think alot of girls would have run a mile , she's trying to work it out but is finding it hard.
I guess its the deceit, and the legnth of time it went on for, she has all these questions now and is associating comments i've made in the past and other things with it which is making it more difficult, She's generally an insecure person and I feel like I;ve crushed her.
I don't care about me, I just want her to be happy, we work together and live together which makes things tough I Guess.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 February 2010):
They can with a lot of work. It's only been a few days since she found out, so it will take a lot of work and explaining. She can get over this if she and you put effort into it. Clearly if she does leave, you will need to move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): Look, people check out all sort of things online. It doesn't mean that's how they feel everyday or that it affects their normal behaviour. I can imagine that you feel embarrassed about it, that's natural. However, I think if your gf can't handle this then she is really a bit immature. If you explain the truth to her then she should try and understand. You haven't cheated on her, you haven't mistreated her. She might want some time to think but if she leaves you over this then I think she is really overreacting, and you should not feel guilty about it. I'm sure she should get over it, at least, she ought to get over it. She hasn't been betrayed. If she leaves that is her choice but if she does she is being a bit stupid in my opinion, and you shouldn't blame yourself.
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