A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my girlfriend doesn't want to have sex with me at the moment. Its been since last sunday that we had sex. I am really frustrated, but trying not to let it show. I asked her what was wrong and she claims that she has no sex drive.2 days ago she told me that she didnt find me sexually attractive anymore, but afterwards she said she didn't mean it. I'm so confused with the situation, is it normal for a girl to lose her sex drive?!?! Or is she just taking me for a fool. Thanks for your help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): I don't know, from personal experience the girl might have been raped or just had a history of abuse, maybe that is why she was turned off so soon. Like the rest said take it slow.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'll check those books out dude1 thanks.
q1605 - we have been together for 3 months, but known each other for 4 years. She is my first sexual partner.
I have this urge to call her, but I agree that it would only be detrimental. I am going to try your strategy, as I have told her so many times how I feel and it just doesn't seem to be good enough.
I'm not sure how she has gone from being in love with me to not being in love with me, maybe she was never in love with me in the first place.
I'll see what happens, hopefully she realises that she is making a mistake. She said there was no 'spark' in our relationship. Which got me thinking... what is this 'spark' she speaks of? I'm pretty sure I have it for her, is it the want to have sex with that person which constitutes as a spark?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe didn't want to have sex again today. She said she only loves me as a friend and doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. Which kind of hurts.
I don't understand her though, she was so keen in the beginning. Maybe i was just rubbish in bed.It really hurts though as I truly love her. But if she doesn't love me then, theres nothing I can do.
I just wish she would feel how she did when we first got together and realise how much I love her.
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A
male
reader, BigPenis  +, writes (15 June 2008):
 No, no. Women in my opinion should be in power...dont force anything over her....just give her some time.
I hope things work out between you two
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice, its really helpful and I will try to incorporate it into our relationship.
She doesn't want to meet up at the moment either. I suppose in time things will come together... or not. She means everything to me, but I think she has a little too much power over me. I need to try and regain some power, to the point where she wants to see me again.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (15 June 2008):
I can understand why you may be worrying, even though its only be a week. The point is, how long will it last??? And it seems you are taking this very personally which is understandable. You must feel like there is something wrong with you because she said she isnt attracted to you.
But she took that back didnt she? I find it hard to understand why she would say that and take it back.
This is what I think is going on.
You are an attractive person. She HAD to of been attracted to you when she first met you, and when you guys first started having sex. So its not that your ugly. Being attracted to someone is more then just looks. And a sexual desire, for women in particular, is more then just being attracted to someone. Its more then jsut turning them on physically.
Its about turning them on mentally and emotionaly. If a woman feels loved and happy in her relationship, feels connected with her partner, this will def increase her sex drive. If she doeesnt feel like this, then it may be the reason for her decrease in sex drive. However other things could be causing this. For example, periods, stress or other problems that have been going on in her life. It could be that she doesnt feel good about herself, so she doesnt feel attractive herself so she has no sexual desire.
Lots of reasons!
It would be best to sit down and talk with your gf again and find out exactly whats going on. Before bringing up the low sex drive issue, just ask her how she is, ask if there is anything upsetting her in life at the moment. Then if all seems to be good in that area, ask her about your relationship. Ask her how does she feel i nthe relationship at the moment. Ask her what her needs andwants are, and if shes geting them. Then you can tell her yours to. Tell you want to help her in anyway you can and ask her if there is anything you can do. Explain the importance of wanting a honest answer and tell her not to worry about hurting your feelings.
Hopefully she will oepn up and explain it beter to you her issue. Knowing what causes a problem is half of it solved!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice guys. She isn't on her period till next week. SugarCookie - that was useful to know. We have been arguing a lot lately, she finds me controlling [which i can be] and perhaps that has caused her to lose her sex drive.
I told her today that its the small things that i like about being with her - such as the hugs and spending time together.
She is my first sexual partner - so i am learning all the time.
She doesn't want to have sex at the moment, maybe it is just that she doesn't have a 'sex drive, but I can't help feeling that it is me. If you really love someone and find them sexy then sex shouldn't be a problem. I have always had a problem , that she doesn't initiate sex, maybe I am just in denial about how she feels about me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): she probably has her period... use your hand until her sex drive comes back
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A
female
reader, Seven  +, writes (15 June 2008):
Maybe shes on her period or just going thru things and its on her mind too much and she doesnt think about sex alot....you should try to cuddle up with her and hold her...maybe she just needs you to love her and not f*ck her...lol....try kissing on her neck and rubbing her very softly to turn her on...she might let loose and get back in the mood...if not try to talk to her about her feelings and make her feel comfortable and make her trust you enough so she can tell you whats going on....
gud luck!!
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A
male
reader, BigPenis +, writes (15 June 2008):
Umm dude...relax and chill about it...Its only been a week! Give her some time. As described, period(s) can cause some undesired conversations. I commend you to chill out :)
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A
female
reader, misfitschik66 +, writes (15 June 2008):
 its called a period most girls dont like to have sex during them because of the mess also the cramping just wait it out!
good luck
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A
female
reader, SugarCookie +, writes (15 June 2008):
If you guys are fighting then it is easy for her to lose her sex drive. It happens to me all the time. When me and my bf fight i feel unatrractive and feel that anything he says is to sleep with me. Try talking things out. Also stress can kill a sex drive and birth control is the worst thing that can kill a sex drive.
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A
male
reader, Peterk5699 +, writes (15 June 2008):
 Just because she said she didn't wanna have sex this week doesn't mean she's gonna go celibate/celibacy on you.
A relationship isn't all about the sex unless of course its a swingers relationship.
Just try not to be so desperate, a week is only 7 days (or in your case, 6) and be patient with her.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 June 2008):
So.... It's been a week where she doesn't want sex and has been snappy and miserable.
You might want to get you mum to explain it to you in details but women have these things called periods and they can cause the symptoms you describe.
For god's sake, you haven't had sex in a week! So what? Come back when it's been a few months and then you might have a problem.
Good Luck!! xx
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