A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im in a lesbian relationship and I have been with my girlfriend for about 6 months we have alot of sex, but she dosnt touch me. Its always me touching her. How can I bring up to her that it bothers me a lot that I'm always giving to her and she doesn't give to me. It gets really annoying after a while but I can't seem to figure out a way to bring this up lightly. Every time I bring it up she gets pissed or cries.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (14 January 2015):
Dear OP,
For me, sex in a relationship is about mutual pleasure. You probably can't bring this up in an easy way, because it's a heavy problem to be in a one-sided sexual relationship.
The fact that your girlfriend won't touch you is a warning to me. She could be sexually traumatised, inexperienced.. or simply not that much into you (or lesbian sex) than she thought. Depending on the nature of her problem, your relationship has a better or worse chance to be saved.
My advice is to bring it up again in a calm moment and in a non-accusing way. Don't try to immediately change and criticise her, try to understand her. Don't just talk about the negative, also mention the positive. How you love her and being together with her. How you like touching her.
You can also put your thoughts in a friendly and concerned letter.
This doesn't mean that you need to stay in a sexually frustrating relationship forever. If you can't stand to be treated this way anymore, you are free to leave. But I think it would help the both of you if you understood the true reason of this problem and make a sound choice about your next step.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 January 2015):
 There is something wrong here. If her response to asking for mutual reciprocity is to cry or be pissed, then she is either extremely selfish, or there's a professional-grade mental or emotional dysfunction going on. It is not normal to freak out when asked to show affection, and this isn't about specific techniques that may make someone uncomfortable, like analingous or peeing on someone.
I won't get overly personal with you on this site, but I wouldn't be surprised if there weren't multiple traumas in her childhood that you might or might not be aware about. At the 6 month level, you most likely do not know.
The point I'm making is - you are not her therapist. No matter what is going on with her, you deserve love too. If she is unwilling to reciprocate affection in any way, then you are better off cutting your losses and walking away now before too much time has passed.
One of the worst feelings in the world is to feel alone inside of a committed relationship. You need someone to cherish you as much as you do her.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (14 January 2015):
 She's not mature enough to be having sex if she's unwilling to openly talk about it.
Is it possible she's uncomfortable being a lesbian, so doesn't like being the one doing the sexual intimacy with a woman?
Just sit down with her and be honest. Tell her how it makes you feel when she doesn't touch you during sex. Be gentle, but make it clear how you are affected by it. Ask her (calmly) why she doesn't want to touch you.
If she genuinely starts crying, maybe therapy is needed, but if it seems a bit "put on" to avoid the conversation, you may need to consider breaking up; a relationship is about two people who are working together to improve the relationship.
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