A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem with my partner. She has this ridiclous prevailant attitude about my interactions with the women at work. I think she is just jealous and possessive!! It is like she doesn't even want me to relate to anybody outside my immediate family and that is just selfish of her!! I see nothing wrong with me going to work and relating to these other people. With telling jokes, sharing my life stories and just overall enjoying the company and conversation of these women I work with. It relieves the stress and bordom of the day and besides, these are interesting women, and we share a lot of work related interests in the travel industry. I am a funny guy at work and they enjoy my attention. I also enjoy helping them out when they have problems or questions. It is a chance to show off my vast experience and I like helping people. It is true that in the past that I did become very emotionally connected to one of these women, to the point where she became one of my closest friends. After several years I finally told my partner and it was not well received. I hold a lot of resentment towards her because of this. She should just trust me unconditionaly and know that what ever energy and attention I give to these woman takes nothing away from her or our relationship. Only problem is.....I do find when I get home that I am exhausted. Both from the work of the day and the rest of it. I have already laughed and joked and conversed all day to the point of not wanting any more of it. I am done. My day is finished and I am content. And besides, it is easier for me to just come home, eat the meal she makes me, and watch comedy shows. I do not understand why she insists on talking to me or getting into emotional or personal conversations. I am just not interested, and heaven forbid!!! I just dread the idea of her expecting any intimacy of any kind. I avoid that at all costs. In fact, I refuse to even kiss her properly, just in case she might think I'm interested in something else! I just find it so much easier to keep it all light and casual just like my relationships at work. That's how I like it!! So what do I do about this and what is her problem and how do I make her understand that there is nothing wrong with me????
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): As I read your post the thought came to mind that your relationship sounds like you are leading separate lives. You are getting your emotional sustenance from the people..albeit women at work. Maybe you need to .....or get off the pot. I am puzzled as well as to why your partner is still with you. You sound like you may feel entitled to this situation. Your primary focus should be with the woman you live with. This does not sound good to me.
A
female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (19 December 2007):
 If you don't want to talk to your partner or kiss her or have any intimacy with her, why do you live with her? Just so that she can make you dinner? That doesn't sound too much fun for her. There's nothing wrong with your enjoying the company of your workmates, but your partner is not a workmate. If you only want light and casual friendships with people, you need to get out of the serious relationship you are in and stop messing with your partner's head.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (19 December 2007):
 Hey I'm exactly the same at work, however, I'm the smae after work too (UNLESS I've had a nightmare of a day). Sounds like she has some insecurities. Perhaps she loves you so much she's scared of losing you? She might have had bad experiences in the past and has trust issues?
I've just come out of a similar situation myself. For example, if my girlfriend heard a woman's voice in the background whilst on the phone to me at work she'd make stupid comments and make ridiculous accusations. Even going to the film rental shop a girl who was serving us apparently looked at me funny (I didn't see) and I got an earful of stupid comments and then a ful blown row about it. I actually found it insulting my own girlfriend thought of me that way. Like I'd run off with any girl who so much as looked at me.
However, the point I don't understand is where you say when you get home your too tired to spend any energy talking to your partner and quite content to just sit there, watch tele, and eat your dinner. Maybe she's not content?
You say "I dread the idea of her expecting any intimacy of any kind. I avoid that at all costs. In fact, I refuse to even kiss her properly, just in case she might think I'm interested in something else! I just find it so much easier to keep it all light and casual just like my relationships at work. That's how I like it!"
Well this probably has a lot to do with it. You seem to spend more time and energy at work with the relationships with your colleagues than you do at home with your partner. She wants to talk to you, maybe it's the lack of interest you show in her that's causing her to worry so much?
This combined with the fact "it is true in the past that I did become very emotionally connected to one of these women (at work), to the point where she became one of my closest friends" and also "after SEVERAL YEARS I finally told my partner and it was not well received" it's no surprise really.
AFTER SEVERAL YEARS? How would you feel if you're with someone who goes off to work, comes home, can't be bothered to talk about personal/emotional stuff with you, just collapses on the sofa, watches tele, eats dinner? How would you feel if she couldn't show you any feelings?
Sounds like her insecurities, whether there from past experiences or not, are further reinfored by the neglect. She's probably got very low self-esteem too.
To me this doesn't sound like a loving/caring relationship at all. But hey, I don't know everything about the situation. You and your partner know more than I do. I might be wrong but as an outsider I can sort of see you're not helping.
I think you 2 should have a chat about what you want out of this relationship. I think you like it the way it is, or maybe even want less, and she wants more. If that's the case it isn't going to work.
On the other hand if you love each other then it's time to wake up and sort it out.
Let us know how you get on and good luck :)
Put the shoe on the other foot.
Doesn't sound to me like you have a healthy relationship at all.
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