A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I cheated on my girlfriend with my ex two years ago and she took it hard. It was a bad move because once I started going out with my ex again I realized that it was my girlfriend that I loved and not her. So i went bck to my girlfriend but she didn't want nothing to do with me but I didn't care. I kept at her then on christmas she answered me text and we've been back together. Thing is it doesn't feel the same. It's like we switched roles because now I'm the one clingy and alwaysd the one for us and it's like she don't give a crap either way. Is she cheating on me? She's not the same girl. She used to tell me all the time I love you but she told me christmas night and that's it. What's going on with her? I miss the way she would jump up and down when I'd come see her and how she'd have suprises for me stuff like that. How can I get her to be like before? She hardly calls me. is she cheating? She's not the cheating type of girl.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 hi
you have probably killed the trust, and although she would really love to have it back it is not so easy, maybe even impossible in some cases. in turn, you do not trust her any more either because she is acting distant and maybe you are waiting for the day she 'revenge cheats' on you.
you need to start having a more empathy. and you need to discuss this properly with her if you have ANY hope of getting the relationship back to how it was
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): No she's probably not cheating. How can you expect her to be that bouncy, cheery girl when you completely broke her heart and betrayed her. She's probably only with you because you wouldn't stop pestering her and she decided to try again but she can't trust you for a second.
She'll never be that girl again now that she knows how easy it is for you to hurt her. She'll always be cautious and she's not going to put her heart and soul into this anymore because she feels she may get hurt again by you. She's not the cheating type but it sounds like she doesn't want to be with you anymore and I'd say every one of her friends and family think she should stay away from you.
I wouldn't be surprised if she's only with you until someone better comes along, someone that won't hurt her like you did.
I'm honestly a bit shocked you don't get this. How can you not see or understand the effect what you did has had on her? Do you really expect things to be the way they were after what you did? It seems like you do, it seems like you thought you could just apologize and promise never to do it again and everything would go back to normal. No way man, there's not a chance in hell that's going to happen. You see she will never see you that way again. She will never view you with the same innocent, loving, joyful eyes again because you ruined that.
You don't get a free pass after cheating, nothing makes it better, you can't make up for what you did, you can't turn back the clock and now she views you the exact same way that Mystiquek views her guy. The best you can hope for is that you're able to move on, rebuild some of the trust and maybe be happy together. But that girl you were first with is gone, the joy and excitement of seeing you and being with you will never return. Love might keep her with you but you killed that innocent love she had for you. You threw away the butterflies she would get in her stomach and now she probably just feels nauseous when she thinks of you.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 Just because you cheated doesn't mean that she is cheating on you. When a person is hurt very deeply, sometimes that hurt doesn't go away, and the mind has a way of shutting down, turning off all emotions. Perhaps that is what has happened to her. You hurt her so much that now she just doesn't care either way. I honestly don't know if she will ever be the way that she was before. Perhaps in time, but then again, maybe not. You must understand that her trust in you was broken. My guy did this to me and even though I love him still, I don't trust him now and I will never feel like I once did about him no matter how much time goes by.I will never be the same persons I once was with him because something inside of me died when I found out what he had done. I hope things work out better for you.
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A
female
reader, Snowe +, writes (23 February 2011):
She will not be like she was before. You cheated. Take it as a lesson learned.
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A
female
reader, Help mate +, writes (23 February 2011):
 It's unlikely that she is cheating you; are the one who cheated on her. You cannot betray someone’s trust the way you did & expect it all to go back to how it was. She sounds like a lovely person who loved & cared about you a great deal; your actions will have broken her heart; therefore it will be exceptionally difficult for her to trust you again. You have to remember you have nothing to forgive her for so it was easy for you to go back, she is the one who was hurt & she will have shut down those feelings of love for you because it will have been too painful to bear. You need to talk to her & ask her how you can start to build up trust again, your number one priority will be to be 100% honest with her in all things if she asks you questions no matter how awkward or uncomfortable you feel you must give an honest answer. You will need to earn her love & trust because she will not give it freely this time; she needs to protect herself from ever being so devastated again & that will take time & a lot of patience from you. Do not expect unconditional love from her but if you want a chance to recoup some of what you had then you will need to offer unconditional love.
Stop trying to look outside of the relationship (e.g. accusing her of cheating) for your problem; you caused the problem & now you are dealing with the consequences let’s hope you don’t make the same mistake again. Good Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): Of course things don't feel the same. You betrayed her.
since you betrayed her, what gives you the right to complain if she's doing the same to you now?
I think you need to realize that for some things in life you don't get a "do over".....and the effects of cheating on someone you love is one of them. Once you've betrayed your partner, usually it's over.
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