A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i am happily married woman and would like to know if wanting a platonic friendship with a male friend ive known for 27 years is ok?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): Isn't this 'friend' the same guy who has been sending you gifts behind your hbs back, to your mothers so that his 'presence' in your life doesn't attract your hbs attention.
I said before and will say it again: either this 'friend' or your hb. You cannot have both men in your life. You are selfish to expect your hb to accept this 'friend' in your life.
The fact that u are bother by your hbs decision that marriage is 2 only and not 3, the fact that u sneak around in the name of friendship, shows that u have no respect for your hb.
Your hb has identified this friend as a potential threat in his marriage. He is well within his rights to tell u to end your friendship.
I suggest you link your previous post. It will provide the aunts with a better perspective of this platonic 'friend'. To me ,in your situation, he is a wolf in sheep's clothing.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): Sure, so long as he's just a friend- nothing crazy like an ex you'd lived with for a couple of years, or anything like that... -and clearly not someone that sends flowers and gifts for you to your behind your husband's back. -Oh, and so long as your husband is completely supportive of the friendship, and presumably invited to spend time with you both too?
Assuming that you've obviously never been involved with this person, and that you've always been 100% honest with your husband about your communications and are not hiding anything from him... he'd be completely supportive of this platonic friendship right?
After all- you and your husband are soulmates and share everything openly with each other, right?
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (23 February 2011):
What makes you think its not ok?
What could possibly be not ok about having a platonic friend? Also, in whos opinion would it not be ok.
The answer to these questions lead to the real questions.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): Your post is very brief but in theory no there is nothing wrong in it. Just because you are married doesn't mean you cannot form or have friendships, it would be very sad if that were the case. But it does depend on certain boundaries etc. As long as everyone knows this it is ok.
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 As Kilcardy asks "27 years, aren't you already platonic friends?"
On the one hand I think if you keep everything open and honest with your husband it's "ok".
On the other hand, I wouldn't do it because in the past I've had trouble with women who I thought were my friends hitting on me and it left me feeling insulted and manipulated. But I'm just 1 man.
Just be aware and communicate everything with your husband and I think it's "ok".
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy  +, writes (23 February 2011):
If you've known him for 27 years, aren't you already platonic friends? I'm one of those who doesn't really believe in "platonic" friendships between men and women when one or both are in a committed relationship. It's just too tricky to navigate...for most people. There are exceptions, but they are exceptions and, I believe, rare. The risk is that you end up substituting your friend for your spouse emotionally. That's a slippery slope you don't want to find yourself sliding down. Just my thoughts. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Help mate +, writes (23 February 2011):
 It depends how happy you are in your current relationship. Are you asking the question because you feel it could be a threat; if so do you want to jeapordise your relationship? Can your husband be part of the friendship or does it have to be exclusive? There is no reason why a man & woman should not enjoy a platonic relationship but sometimes the more you share together the closer you become; put a bottle of wine into the mix & platonic goes out of the window. If you want a relationship I would suggest you make your husband part of the friendship group.
Whatever you decide make sure you do not complain about your husband to the other man as that is a sure way to bring you closer to the friend whilst excluding your husband. Good luck have fun.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): if you dont hide it and are able to befriend his gf and introduce him and dont hide anything then nothing is wrong.
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