A
male
age
41-50,
*evMick
writes:Dear Cupid,I have been with my current girlfriend for over 2 years and ever since the beginning she has had a problem during sex.It doesn't matter what position we try, each time during intercourse she poos. I've asked her if she is doing it on purpose to which she got really upset. The problem is it happens every single time and it is turning me off from having sex with her.I've asked her to go to the doctors to see if it's normal but she just puts it off and puts it off. I searched online to see if it's a medical condition but couldn't find anything.We now haven't had sex for 3 months and to be really honest I haven't felt sexually attracted to her in all that time.I'm beginning to suspect she is doing it on purpose. Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (30 May 2014):
 I found a more comprehensive link about this here http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003135.htm
It does say that there could be injury to the anal sphincter due to childbirth. There is a checklist of tests at the end of the article which may give you some guidance as well.
I do wish you both well.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 May 2014):
When you say you had her checked by a "female doctor" does that mean a gynecologist, or a doctor who happens to be a woman? If she's having a problem with bowel control then perhaps the real issue is with her anus/colon and she should see a colorectal specialist (a proctologist).
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (30 May 2014):
RevMick is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi,
Just as a followup she has had children before and I think that may have caused it.
Yes, we tried cleaning her bowels an hour or so beforehand to see if that helped.
We got her checked by a female doctor, and she didn't find anything physically. So we are guessing it's psychological as someone else suggested.
Thanks for the advice and links.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2014): I'm assuming she's tried clearing her bowels well in advance of sex? I mean I assume that because it's the first thing I'd try.
In your position I'd go no sex until she sees a doctor and gets professional advice. Not as a punishment because it's not her fault but there could be something wrong.
Other than that you should google anal sex preparation, it'll have a lot of tips that will useful for your circumstances.
It's important she go to the doctor though, OP, there could be a medical issue and they will be the best ones to advise her on what to do to prevent it.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (1 April 2014):
 As you have been together 2 years and the problem is ongoing, it's time she sought help from her GP.
Yes it may be embarrassing but she knows you've stopped having sex so knows it's a problem in the relationship.
It's not deliberate on her part - but - she could seek advice or it will continue forever.
Go with her if it helps, nobody has been more intimate than you with her so it could encourage her. Be supportive.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (31 March 2014):
Dear OP,
When a penis is penetrating the vagina, it affects the muscular walls which separate the vagina from the lower parts of the intestines (or what it's called). I can imagine that if someone's got a digestion issue or is sensitive to this kind of pressure, they might defecate. Women also defecate during labor, because of the cramps and the pressure of the baby trying to get out of the vagina. Very embarrassing, but true. So, it can happen that women lose control of their bowels.
I think your girlfriend doesn't do it on purpose, at all. She's putting off to see a doctor, because it's mortifying. But I can understand that this is a huge turn off, as well.
My advice would be to NOT get angry at your girlfriend. Try to understand the embarrassment and that it's hard to admit you simply can't hold your bowels during the act. So, be as sensitive as possible, but also make it clear how this problem affects you. Because, after all, I'd always advise people to get help and become active about their problems. If you keep on having sex with her and not saying anything, the problem might get worse and she might miss out on a happy, problem-free time of her life.
Maybe she needs some pelvic muscular training, or a change of her diet, I don't know. She has to be motivated to find out, though, and you can't do that for her. All you can do is be kind, but honest about the situation. Make it clear you will support her if she wants to get help and you'll be there for her. But don't suffer and hold it against her in silence. This won't go well for another two years.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (31 March 2014):
I searched online and found these links for you:
http://ehealthforum.com/health/topic90946.html
Many of those posting had irritable bowel syndrome or trouble with diarrhea, some of them had several pregnancies, some had the issue while experiencing an intense orgasm. Virtually all were very embarrassed.
Why would you be so suspicious of her doing this on purpose? It sounds like something she is very embarrassed about and just doesn't want to face it.
http://sexuality.about.com/od/sex_and_disability/a/Bowel-And-Bladder-Control-During-Sex.htm
This one discussed the fact that no one has 100% control of all bodily functions at all times.
http://sexuality.about.com/od/sexualhealthqanda/f/Bowel-Movement-During-Sex.htm
By the way, I typed in "defecating during sex" into google and it shows that this search pulled up 627,000 answers. I would suggest you do that yourself and continue your research.
And please do stop taking it personally, she is probably beside herself with embarrassment. Rather than accuse, try to help.
Good luck with resolving the issue!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 She is not doing this on purpose, for God's sake. If it's not a health issue then it's likely a psychological one.
Urinating and defecating are, for the vast majority of peopl, very personal. The fact that something that is so personal to her is happening in front of someone she wants to impress is likely humiliating for her.
If your state health care is anything like ours then I can't say I blame her for not rushing off to the doctor. For one thing she is probably terrified she has some horrific illness which may or may not be related to the coital defecating. The other thing is if she has to spend hours in waiting room for what she thinks will be painful, invasive or humiliating tests then fret and stew for weeks waiting for the results....well, let's just say it's extremely stressful.
In searching for articles that might hlp you i came across this thread. Hopefully hearing others talk about it and offer some suggestions and explanations may help you deal with your issue.
http://ask.metafilter.com/220448/New-boo-seems-to-poo-during-sex-NSFW
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