A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for a while. We dated dated in high school twice, seperated by a whole year. Everything was good. When I first started dating her, she told me that she wanted to wait to have sex. I was fine with this and we continued to date and hook up. We ended up breaking up and getting back together senior year. We eventually decided to have sex and it was amazing. We did it semi often and nothing seemed wrong. We got lucky and got accepted to two colleges in the same city. I was so excited because I couldn't bear to think about life without her for an extended period of time. Then things started to turn for the worst. She lost her interest in sex and just doesn't want it anymore. She tells me she doesn't want to have sex and I don't know what to think of it. I don't know whether it is me. She has been on the pill, so I assume that probably has something to do with it.Just when things seemed like they couldn't get any worse they did. Her roommate got pregnant. Now she is terrified of getting pregnant. She won't even kiss me. And when she does, I feel like I am kissing a family member. I assume it is because she is afraid it will lead to sex.I don't know what to do. I love her. But she is fundamentally changed. She isn't happy anymore. Her whole attitude has changed. I know I have no right to be mad at her. It's her decision. But I really don't know what to do. One of the reasons we were so compatible was that we had similar sex drives. Now, not so much. I realize that no matter what I say on my behalf, it will probably come off as selfish; like all I want is sex. I know for a fact that if this goes on for a prolonged period of time, our relationship will completely fall apart.Our physical relationship ended 4 months ago. I have done everything I can to be patient and loving but now I don't know what to do. I feel us falling apart and it makes me cry. I have run out of ideas. Any suggestions on what I should do would be greatly appreciated.sincerely,out-of-ideas
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kissing, period, roommate, sex drive, the pill Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Same thing with me and my girl.
it's rough i need help too.
A
female
reader, Faybelline  +, writes (10 October 2008):
 You need to try and talk to your girlfriend about why this has changed; have her feelings for you changed and is this why she won't have sex, or is it something else?
At the end of the day, you need to know so you know if there's anything you can do to fix it or not. I think if you leave it and wait but don't talk about it she might just think you're happy not having sex too and not realise that there is anything wrong or that you are unhappy.
Try to talk to her about it and try to understand why it is that she doesn't want to have sex anymore; discuss how the two of you could get round it. Make sure you let her know that you are there for her and, if she needs time, you will give her time but she also needs to understand it from your point of view. It is clearly upsetting you a lot and you need her to reassure you that she is still attracted to you and still loves you as much as you do her.
Good Luck with everything :)
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