A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend broke up with me last night. I am a 5th year senior and she is a senior at our college. This past summer, we spent the majority of our time together because we were living up at school working, and most of the time we didn't have any other friends up here. We basically became each others' best friend this summer. Classes started Monday, and that night she called me crying. I got her to come over to my place to talk. She told me that she was stressing out because she was taking classes, student teaching, and babysitting and felt like she wouldn't have enough time for her girl friends and me. I told her that I wasn't demanding and it was fine that we weren't going to spend as much time together as we did during the summer. Then, yesterday morning when we woke up, I was a little grumpy because we hadn't done anything sexual the night before, and that had been a growing trend in our relationship. The first few months we would do things 3 or 4 times a week, basically as often as we could. Over the summer, it had been decreasing in regularity, to the point that over the last month we had only done anything 3 times. She always has had a relatively low sex drive compared to me, but it was grinding to a halt. She could tell that I was grumpy. Usually when something like that happens, I'll just call her a couple hours later and apologize and everything is OK. Yesterday, she wouldn't answer my calls until late in the day. I finally got her to let me see her, and after talking for a long while, she told me she wanted to break up. The reason was that she was having doubts about whether she was in love with me, or loved me as her best friend. She was very clear that it was not anything I had done, and that the issue from that morning was not the real reason she had been ignoring my calls. I could tell by the way she was explaining this to me that it was very hard for her. She told me I had been the nicest, most caring person, not just boyfriend, she had ever had. She said that she couldn't even say anything bad about me. Is this her panicking about the seriousness of life and our relationship, or is it a real change of heart regarding me? Is this something she could easily change her mind about? Did I make a mistake by spending so much time with her this summer? Did that make the romance leave for her? I'm a very down-to-earth person and I realize that I am still young, and I have had a much longer relationship than this end before. But I just really want to know what could have contributed to the romance being gone for her and if there is a chance for her and I again. Also, should I give her total space? She told me she wants to be friends at some point, but I am not ready for that at all.
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best friend, broke up, sex drive Reply to this Question
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (29 August 2009):
 Women seem fickle to men. People tend to shut down emotionally when they are overwhelmed. I think she's basically feeling like she's not spending enough time on her own, and the sex thing is just getting in the way and turning into a chore instead of a fun activity.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 August 2009):
 We all have been there. This is a real change of heart regarding you. My advice is that you don't bang your head against a wall and move on. I agree with her: it's nothing you've done. It is just that she fell out of love. It didn't happen at once, but gradually, and the way sex went down is the most clear signal of that.Move on, pal. Leave in peace, give yourself some time to grieve, and go out to have fun. Don't get into any rebound relationship. And, understand that life goes on. You won't die because of this, believe me.
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A
female
reader, califnan +, writes (29 August 2009):
 I feel that the only important thing is that she Knows that you love her .. If you are sure that she knows, then back off and give her the space that she is asking for .. You are God's whole, special person. You may wish to spend time expanding on your own life and the things that you would wish for yourself .. i.e. body building, jogging, creative endeavors - that you may have wanted to get into such as the arts - or construction, etc .. Should she contact you, approach her with love and as a friend .. Unmarried people Are friends .. The beauty of making love, comes with marriage.. Pray that God gives you the desires of your heart .. califnan
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