A
female
age
30-35,
*oX15
writes:So I posted a question earlier about how I wanted to move in with my boyfriend, but didn't know how to tell my parents or my sister, whom i have moved in with. I moved in, and we hung out for a while the day I moved in. Later that night, he was out with some friends and he did some heavy drinking. Then I recieved a phone call from him, drunk of course, and he started fighting with me because apparently he was offended that I didn't hug him or something. Either way, it was stupid. The fight escalated and I ended up crying while he was screaming at me. He kept bringing up all sorts of issues we had in our relationship. Then he threatened to come over and beat me up. It was terrifying, even over the phone. Then he said that he should just end our relationship and go back to his ex because "she loved him, she never cheated on him..." and all this stuff. Then he called me a slut, a 'ho, a bitch. It was by far the worst fight we've ever had. The next day, I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore because of the fight. He said some really nasty things and he really hurt me. He said that he was sorry and he didn't mean any of it. Later that night, after calling me repeatedly throughout the day, he came to my apartment. He was intoxicated, and he kept asking me if it was over and getting mad, then crying, then getting mad, he was really unstable. He actually attempted to assault me a few times as well, but stopped himself at the last minute. This all happened in the hallway of my apartment, and people kept walking by, and no one helped me. I tried to call the cops but he kept taking my phone. I finally was able to get a hold of a friend to come help and she took him back to his place. When he got home, he called and asked if it was over. At this point, I was certain it was over. Then he started crying hysterically and even when I hung up, he would call repeatedly. Finally, I agreed to a break. He said he's going to change and we'll be better. The thing is, I don't think I want to be with him at all anymore. We've been talking daily, just as friends, and now he's had a death in the family and he's turned to me for support. He was very close with this family member. He keeps talking about "when we get back together" but I just keep thinking, No. I don't know how to tell him when he's going through this troubling time, especially because he's also having family troubles as well. I feel like I'm obligated to give him a chance because everything else in his life is going so bad. But I don't want to be with him anymore. But at the same time, I still miss him. Sometimes I miss him so much that I just want to lay in bed and cry, but then I think about what he did, and I'm just really confused. Help me!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, HopeHeals  +, writes (29 August 2009):
 Hi honey,
The answer is no, don't go ahead...help him as a friend...take him to a counselor...he needs real scientific help.
You will only damage yourself trying to offer a shoulder to cry upon...but remember you are far more vulnerable than him.
Besides I am intuitive and this guy is not a soul mate...the bond may not last long..so save your energy for some real relationship.
~ Dove
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (29 August 2009):
 He's an angry drunk which means he has a lot of issues boiling under the surface. People like that are very abusive.
I think your reaction is appropriate. You love a part of him, but he being a substance abuser can't control himself. Until he gets and stays sober, he will never be able to control his anger.
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