A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI have been going out with my girlfriend for 9 months now and I have been seeing her for almost a year. She is a strict vegetarian and she is currently living with me and my mum for a few months till i can find a job and move out with her, the deadline for this set by my mum is September the 18th. Recently we went down to make food and her vegetarian gravy appeared to have meat granules in it as well which she promptly refused to eat and got really upset over thinking mum had tried to disrespect her beliefs. I have had a huge row with my mother over this to the conclusion that she denies doing it on purpose. As such my gf has now refused to eat a meal at all in this house even if i cook it and subsequently has reverted to only eating the bare minimum each day, riveta and fruit is her now diet. She is angry at me because I have tried to fix the problem instead of comforting her immediately which I understand was the wrong thing for me to do. She has a habit of leaving the house whenever we have an argument and refusing to come home after work preferring to sit outside at the bus stop or something because she says she does not feel welcome. This is due to my mother being of a different nature to her and expecting my Gf to spend time downstairs in the communal areas and as a result of my gf not being very sociable and making an effort to keep my mum happy, mum has stopped being so nice and friendly towards her. In my view which is probably wrong I see it as my gf and me should try and keep my mother happy as we are basically living here rent free until September but my gf gets oh so very jealous of my mother saying I dont love my gf very much and I never try and make her happy.I am really at a loss as to what to do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): i think that ur mum doesnt like ur gf and is trying to get you 2 too split up. ur mum knew full well that ur gf is a veggie so by doing that......well.....maybe she has something against her and she wants her out. she cant see that ur happy with ur gf and u love her. you, ur mum and gf need to sit down and talk about this and find out why she did it and let her know that ur happy and u need ur mum to be happy for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): It sounds strange you saying that your gf should try harder and be more sociable with her when she's still with you after what you mother has done to her. Are there other things that she has done? Does ur gf retaliate? Surely the fact she's sticking around should be enough for u?
The sudden non eating issue seems to stem perhaps from an eating disorder? Maybe if this is not the case then she is just being stubborn and standing by her beliefs.
Her not wanting to come home must be an awful situation, for you and ur gf. If its only until september maybe make her feel special? So that she wants to spend time with you? shes not gunna stick around much longer mate when its matters between the Mrs and the Mum, she'll most likely step back and leave you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): Let's be honest mate! Knowing your sons girlfriend is a veggie and a strict one at that is not something i think a mum or parent would forget after nearly a year of dating.....so it being a mistake.....hmmmm :S
Can't imagine it helps your gf's selfasteem at the best of times when your mum says that you don't really love her that much, so the fact that at the moment she is feeling low from what you've said and not eating.....well your mums comments arent going to help the situation.
Advice, and speaking from experience re not eating much, all you can do is be there for her. Making her eat when she doesnt want to regardless of how little shes eating is gonna make her eat less, so just be the good boyfriend you need to be and support her through this apparent tough time.
Okay, okay, so you to are living rent free but a parent should always be there for her kids and whomever they choose to be with so dont let that be an excuse which means you wont confront your mum and stand up for your missus. Its not like your not planning on moving out, hell you've got a deadline!!! Maybe moving out will be the best thing for you 2 tho? or you 3 should i say!
Not all other halfs feel comfortable mixing with their partners parents, i know i dont, but that shouldnt be held against her......sounds like its the way your missus is and if your mum can't except that, its down to you to make sure your mum at leasts understands it.
Tough situation being in between the 2 you love, but from what it sounds like, there is alot of manipulation come from one party and its about time that this was put to sleep. If you love this girl, this should be good enough for your mum. Right??
Hope you get it sorted!
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A
male
reader, Rogerramjet  +, writes (24 July 2009):
Your gf sounds like she needs to grow up a bit.
I think your instincts are the correct ones. You are living RENT FREE at your mother's expense. I think i'd try to show a little gratitude. She sounds like she's completely disrespecting your mother.
I also don't think it's unreasonable to expect her to socialize a bit when there.
Hate to say it, but there sounds like there's something a bit 'off' about this gf....
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