A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi Im a gay woman who is in a very healthy relationship of 3 years and recently I have became really broody and would like to adopt in the near future with my girlfriend, we have discussed children before and she also would like to have them one day but a lot of my friends and family are against gays raising children together and I'm worried if I ever did adopt they would turn against me, was just looking for some advice really.Thanks for any responses Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (7 July 2012):
 "dmartin89", if you have to ask the question you couldn't possibly understand the answer, you have insufficient experience of life, people and their motivations to cope.
Sorry.
A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (6 July 2012):
 Err..Hugh.J and anon male...why do you think people have kids in the first place?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012): Your true friends will not turn against you, they will support you. My neighbors happen to be a lesbian couple and they are brilliant parents to their two children. You are to be congratulated for maintaining a happy, healthy relationship together. And if you two wish to adopt a child/children and give them a happy, stable home life, you are unselfish and generous in the extreme. Good luck to you both, I hope things turn out well for you and you achieve your goals.
As for disapproving `friends`. Who needs em! This is your life you are talking about and you and your partner should do as you see fit. Your real friends will respect that and be there for you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 July 2012):
 If you and your partner want to raise children together (and broodiness is not necessarily a bad thing or a trend or a fling but it's a biological clock ticking) then you two as adults should do what you want and what you think is right.
Children need love, and affection and proper raising... single parent, traditional household, gay parents, grandparents whomever... as long as a child is safe and properly cared for and loved then that's all that really matters.
I also wonder if there is a specific reason for adoption vs IVF with a sperm donor... is there a reason neither of you wish to carry the child?
Adoption is noble and if you adopt from a country with over population and a need to have their children cared for it's a very humane thing as well.
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (6 July 2012):
Male anonymous, well done for spotting what others didn't in the OP's question and putting your point across with such clarity. A child is not a new toy or a status symbol.OP, if you truly want a child for the right reasons, why not find yourself a sperm donor, and either use a medically assisted method or a more traditional way?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012): "I have became really broody and would like to adopt in the near future with my girlfriend,"
I'm not against gays raising children, but I'm very much opposed to ANYONE, gay or straight or bisexual or asexual or eunuch or other, wanting to adopt for entirely selfish reasons, and adoption as a cure for broodiness ranks among the all-time most self-centered AND inane rationalizations and justifications for bringing children into a home.
No kid available for adoption would choose to be the cure for your broodiness, and hopefully any responsible adoption agency would quickly weed you out as unsuitable during the initial screening process.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012): they can think however they want, but if they cross the line and try to interfere in your life or behave in hurtful ways to you when you've done nothing wrong to them then that's not acceptable and you should tell them that.
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A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (6 July 2012):
 You are an adult. If you want children with your partner, and you're emotionally and financially ready and able to adopt, why on earth wouldn't you? If your friends and family are against you having a family of your own... well... that says a lot about them, doesn't it? I'm sure it would be hard to have them turn against you, but if they did, you never really had them on your side in the first place.
I wish you two all the luck in the world!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 July 2012):
 Oh give me a break! If children need a mother and a father to be raised, do they believe that single parents shouldn't be allowed to raise children? In my opinion bigots shouldn't be allowed to raise kids, but I assume at least some of your family and friends who are against gay people, have kids. Do exactly what you want and when you do an amazing job, rub their faces in it and make them feel awful for being hateful ignorant narrow-minded jerks.
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A
female
reader, Sinful_thinker89 +, writes (6 July 2012):
 All kids need a loving home, whether the parents are gay or straight. If you guys are willing to provide a wonderful new life for a child without it, then follow your heart. You will always have nay sayers in any aspect you life you just have to do what makes you happy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012): If your friends and family would "turn against" you for adopting children and raising them in a loving and responsible home, then these people are not healthy relationships for you and you might do well to re-examine their role in your life.
These people are the ones rejecting you, not the other way round. So any break down in the relationship will not be your fault it will be theirs and they have to see that. By giving into their pressure they will not see it they will be empowered to continue being intolerant of you and forcing you to be like them. this is not a healthy way to be relating to them for the rest of your life, even if you do manage to avoid "losing" them.
at the heart of the issue is: these people do not accept you. Well everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But, no one has the right to prevent or coerce you to follow their lifestyle. So, even if your friends and family are of the opinion that gays shouldnt' be raising kids (as if being a straight couple guarantees a perfect home, which is laughable just look around!) that's their own opinion and they can have it if they want, but they should keep it to themselves, they have no right to be pressuring you to live according to their beliefs let alone be 'turning against' you when you're doing them no harm. If people would do this, I would not consider them friends or 'close' family anymore.
It takes a lot of courage to be yourself if it means being rejected by your friends and family. I don't envy your situation because they have put you in a double-bind: follow your heart and be rejected by those you love, or 'keep' them but lose yourself in the process. I think the long term emotional toll will be far greater on you if you live your entire life to please these other people while denying your true self, than to "lose" these people. You can't let them control your life, because it's YOUR life, you are the one who has to live in your shoes every day and you're the one who stands to gain or lose, not them. it really does not affect their lives whether you have kids or not, so they should not be the ones controlling your life.
You can and will make new friends. You can make new family and re-define who is family. Family are those who love and support you and vice versa, and they have to learn that their views are not the be all and end all, and they should to learn some tolerance and respect for others.
if you give in to these people, on matters that involve YOUR life not theirs, they are certainly not going to become more tolerant instead they're just going to be even more empowered to force more of their views down your throat.
so basically, tell them that you appreciate hearing their opinion, but they're just going to have to learn to deal with their unhappiness at your life, on their own.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 July 2012):
 You can't live your life trying to make other people comfortable with your sexual orientation and your life choices. If they 'turn against' you, they are not supporters nor are they healthy people to have in your life, family and friends or no.
You are doing nothing wrong by wanting a family with children and you are perfectly entitled to raise children. There are plenty of heterosexuals out there with children who have no business being parents, so sexual orientation isn't a good predictor of parenting success, if you ask me.
If you know you will be a good parent and will raise healthy, happy, well-adjusted people, then go for it. The doubters and nay-sayers shouldn't be the ones making life decisions for you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 July 2012):
 I think you should follow your heart and not listen to what friends and family have to say, this is there own personal opinions and problems not yours. At the end of the day you and your girlfriend deserve to be parents just like anybody else, and if people abandon you just because of this then they are not worth having in your life if they cannot accept you for who you are. I know that this is difficult for you but you should follow your own heart and lead your life as happily as you can. I wish you and your partner the best of luck in the future, and I am sure you will both make a loving family for a child who would be lucky to have you both.
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