A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years now. We first got together when I was 14 and he was 15 and things were pretty good for the first year of our relationship. During my GCSE's our relationship struggled as I was so focused on passing them I didn't make much effort for the relationship. I still met him and everything but he ended up cheating on me. Ever since then we had argued about it and split up and got back together. Since he cheated there has always been a niggling in the back of my head that he might do it again and I'm quite insecure. I suffer with depression and sometimes have really bad days. Since the girl he has cheated on me with, he has never done anything with another girl however a few months ago he was meeting this girl behind my back. I put it straight that it was either me or her because I couldn't cope with that. (He has loads of male mates he sees and also around 10 girls that he speaks to or sees regularly, even if it is through work or whatever) He said he wanted me but then a week later he had her stop at his. I went mad and we had a huge fight where he told me he would have nothing to do with her. He blocked her on Facebook and everything and also deleted her number and texts. Since then we have been amazing. Going out for meals, to the cinema, we're planning a holiday and basically talking about the future in a serious sense.Well last night he was like I'm not seeing you on Friday because I'm going out with my mates drinking in town. My heart sank. I have no idea what is wrong with me but I am so paranoid about him going with them. I really want him to go out and have a good time with his mates but I can't help but worry that he might cheat. A few of his mates have encouraged him to cheat and congratulated him when he has. (I've seen the texts) I like most of his friends but some of them just get around and I don't particularly like him hanging around with them although I hsve never stopped him or asked him to. I just don't want to go through that hurt again.It made me so ill last time and I love him so much. I spoke to him this morning and he asked if I was ok with it and I said of course I was, but I was worried that once he had a drink would he be tempted and he said 'of course I won't, I love you and want to be with you'. I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling and its making me a paranoid wreck and know that this is going to make me ill in the long run.Please don't tell me to leave him because I love him so much and I know this relationship is what I want.P.s I know that I originally posted this on July the 4th however only one person answered and I was wondering if I could have some more advice or opinions? I completely respect and value the person's views and opinions who answered before.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): Its so easy to give a generic answer and tell people to leave someone. You're not ready to face leaving the relationship yet so you stay and hope for the best. This is pretty common and something you decide for yourself. If you still love him there's nothing you can do to change that right now. Enjoy what you can and if the day comes that you do decide to leave you'll come out of it a stronger woman. We all learn from our past. I really hope things work out for the best and that your hopes for the relationship come true. You deserve to be happy. But please be cautious. Like the above poster stated you'll recognize the signs if he's up to no good. Do some reading online about emotional affairs; they can sometimes be even more damaging than physical ones. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): Hi, bless you! Horrible horrible feeling!You need to have a word with yourself. If he is going to cheat he will anyway whether you stop him going out or not. Men need their mates. You must let him be who he is whatever that is and make sure you are who you are. Then if he does something you don't like you call it off. You'll know, you've seen it before. So give him the rope and he'll prove you right either way. Just be cool do your own thing. Practice being happy without him and you'll get on better. If he cheats on you you don't want to stay with him because his morals don't match yours.Talk to him and explain you've been paranoid because of his past behaviour but now you've had enough of being unhappy and your living your life too. If you carry on you'll end up obsessed and he'll leave you anyway with you blaming yourself. None of this is your fault your only to blame when you carry on letting it ruin your life. Your prob too beautiful and young to be so unhappy in life so set yourself free. Say these words to yourself-I can't control what he does and I'm a good person. If he cheats it's his problem and I'll leave that with him problem. I'm not a cheat so why should I put up with one. Stare at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself he's a lucky person to have me x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012): "I know that I originally posted this on July the 4th however only one person answered and I was wondering if I could have some more advice or opinions?"
You're not going to get any helpful advice as long as you impose the condition: "Please don't tell me to leave him because I love him so much and I know this relationship is what I want."
You're asking us to tell you what you want to hear while providing a magical solution that will instantly resolve your dilemma by assauaging all your doubts, but unfortunately from a real world standpoint what you're asking of us is quite impossible.
If you already have the relationship you want, then there's no useful advice or opinions I or anyone else can offer you.
Good luck and best wishes to you and your boyfriend as an inseparable couple for the remainder of your natural lives 'til death do you part.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012): I think you should leave him,i know you said you don't want to hear that but come on he doesn't want to see you because he would rather go out with he's mates and drink,my boyfriend has never said he would rather do other things then see me. Also he cheated before on you? People who cheat on another person don't really love you or are they going to change easily. Also he's mates sound like idiots cheering him on because he cheated? Sorry but he's a loser and so are he's mates. If he is between 18 and 21 he is still too young to commit,hardly many people do at that age. I think once one person cheats you will always be insecure and wonder,I don't think anything he can say will make you trust him. You either trust him now or you will always feel like on edge.
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