A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend makes a big issue out of the slightest thing! I think?It's like the rhyme, There once was girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead, When she was good, she was very very good, But when she was bad she was horrid.Sometimes I’ll arrive home from work and she will barely say a word to me, often only answering my questions with a simple yes or no. I will often enquire as to what is wrong, only to hear the immortal words ... Nothing! despite the fact that this is obviously not true. I wouldn't mind if I was doing something wrong, and she told me, but the only way I will ever know is if she tells me. Its almost as if she is sulking!If however, she has annoyed me, or upset me. I will tell her why, often leading to her shouting, at which point I will go quiet so as to not aggravate the situation, I am then mocked for "sulking"… although she does this all the time.Don’t get me wrong, she can be the bubbliest, the most caring, fun and giving person in the world sometimes, and I don’t profess to be perfect, and indeed there are always two sides to every story.I do however need to know where I stand on this:-There is a football game that I wish to watch on Saturday, She has known about this for a long time, I certainly don’t watch sport all the time (rarely in-fact) but this is an international match and one I really want to watch.We have friends coming over for dinner and a party also on Saturday (which she arranged), I am really looking forward to this, they will arrive at 5 (also kick off time) and be staying all night and probably wont go to bed until the wee small hours. The game will be on for 2 hours, Until 7, and I know that 2 out of the 4 guests (the boys) also want to watch the game. The problem is she's being a real bitch about it. To the point that I don’t know whether to give in, or stand my ground and insist that she should just chill out, stop making a mountain out of a molehill and accept the fact that for 2 hours out of the weekend I would like to watch the football. Please help. Any suggestions welcome. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Auntie E  +, writes (6 March 2010):
 You sound like a wonderful and caring young man. Dispose of this girl immediately. She is unreasonable and sulky. That will not change no matter how nice you are.
Consider this - don't bring home an alligator and then be upset, angry or surprised when it won't sit in your lap and purr like a kitten. Ain't gonna happen. Find another girl who will appreciate you. This girl obviously does not.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): Firstly, there are many different possibilities. In fact, that's probably what would make solving this so difficult. It does seem that she is a little egocentric and that she takes her feelings to be more important than yours. This is not a male/female thing but rather just a person to person problem. She is also clearly in a form of power struggle. She must feel for some reason that she doesn't have a great deal of security and so she is potentially finding ways in which to be in control. This could also manifest by withholding sex and is commonly related to latent anger issues.I doubt there is anything you alone can do because she will see or turn any attempt to help as an attack or as simply unimportant. I would suggest couple's therapy so that she is somewhat forced to confront the issue by a non-partisan person with experience in dealing with issues such as this. You may find that you are inadvertently doing something that is exacerbating an old wound of hers.The book is not something I would really suggest. It offers a lot of general communication aids but categorizes men and women in ways that are simply too general to be always applicable. There are no quick fixes; no 1 great book of knowledge. There's just the desire to solve the problem. If she does not wish to seek council with you, then you may be at a loss and may need to tell her that you can't continue with the relationship if she isn't willing to do everything to make it work. If that doesn't shock her into waking up, nothing will and it's better to know sooner rather than later.
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A
male
reader, quarky +, writes (10 October 2008):
 Sounds familiar! In the relationship I was in where this happened, there were issues in the background around previous bad relationships that affected her self worth/esteem. If you really care for her, don't just dismiss her feelings as being a 'pain' or whatever-try to sound her out as to why she's being this way. If you try to 'lay down the law', it may only make it worse. I also agree you should make some t.l.c. time - it'll be good for you both and help you understand her needs...give 100% for her now and again.
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A
female
reader, MuffinGirl  +, writes (9 October 2008):
 Well I'm not quite sure about what's happening with her. But,if i'd like to give you subjective opinion, i'd say she has gone through bad past. Does it makes sense to you? Maybe bad relationsips, maybe problems in her family,.. anything bad. Have you talked about that with her? Has she told you anything?
My suggestion is talk with her, when she's feeling great. And be honest and take your time. I think it's hard to solve her problems overnight. And you can't do much, except standing by her side, talking, be patient,... Her moodiness is not quite usual. It looks like she has two different faces.Maybe she should talk with psychologist or doctor, have you ever thought about that? I suggest that, because probably her problems are not so innocent as it might seems.
I hope i've helped you a bit and my answer makes you kind of sense.
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A
female
reader, abby5000 +, writes (9 October 2008):
tell her you want to watch the game and see if your guests could arrive at 7.
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A
female
reader, ROSETTE43 +, writes (9 October 2008):
YOUR GIRLFRIEND SEEMS TO BE SELF THINKING IF SHES ALWAYS FINDING THINGS IN WHICH TO FUSS ABOUT TALK TO HER ABOUT AND SEE WHAT SHE SAYS IF SHE KEEPS IT UP! I WOULD MOVE ON BECAUSE WHY GO THROW IT? IF SHE DOES WANT TO CHANGE YOU HAVE TO CHANGE SOMETHING!
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A
male
reader, seculardude +, writes (9 October 2008):
Sounds to me like she's being unreasonable. Tell her so! There also seems to be some communication issues on her side. It's great that you're understanding, honest, and calm about wanting to hear her problems- but if being so doesn't get anywhere it might be time to be a tad (and I mean a tad) more stern with her.
Hopefully it will shock her into being open about what's on her mind. Maybe that will then lead to a nice long, honest conversation that explains some things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): Its not like you are going to go off and leave her and go out drinking with the boys to watch the game, so I'm confused as to why she is so upset?? Can you try to get her to enjoy the game too? Get her involved? Can you try to ask her gently what she is so upset about? I really don't get it..if my husband was going to do that, I'd be happy that he was staying at home, and at least "pretend" I liked the game (I'm not a football fan, but a HUGE baseball fan!). I mean, its only 2 hours! Ok, maybe 3 with timeouts, shows, ect..but still...I wouldn't give up this game though, I mean,come on..only a few hours! Tell her how much you are looking forward to it and that it means alot to you that she is trying. Stroke her ego a little, that might help Try to make her feel you really want her to enjoy it too. Maybe she's just worrying about feeling left out? Sorry, I'm a woman, but I don't understand your girl on this one..
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