A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi folks,I have a kind of a weird problem: I've found the girl of my dream, we are together for 6 months, and I love her. I told myself I'll make sex without a condom only with my wife. The problem is that she's never used a condom before, the other guys just pulled it out before an eaculation. We get tested for everything and the things are fine, no problem. She agreed that we use a condom when we have sex. The problem is in me. I fell some mixture of anger, hate, jealousy. It is as if she is defiled or something. I am not a child, I don't expect that she is a virgin, but still I can't get this thoughts out of my head. Others f'ckin her without a condom, that sucks. I don' want to lose her, that's why I'm a fraid to talk to her, because there isn't an actual problem, it's all in my head. But I can't just get over it, it'll drive me crazy. Any advice?Thanks in advance
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2017): The last 5 yrs since I found out my gf of 15 yrs had been with 6other people before I met her we met at 16 plus she told me she lost her virginity at 12 with a 16 yr old then her and her mate slept with 2 16 yr old students at 14 plus had been made pregnant by someone after that by then I only found out when we had a Breck when we were 22 for 3 months and in that time she had slept with 6 people again got pregnant we then broke up again 6 months later I couldn't believe she had it in her she then slept with another 2 I just can't seem to see how she has a care free attitude for sex plus she's had a std I no its hard when you love someone in now thinking of leaving And move on as i have no trust in her to tell me the truth.its the fact that she let all them people use her and never using protection. Thoughts please
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi people, I've talked to her about my problem and I think I'll be able to handle it. As one of you said it'll always be a sore spot, but it's ok. She is too important for me, I can't lose her.
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A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (13 January 2012):
 I guess it's about what you think is right at the time. And what you're willing to live with. If you can't live with it, break up with her. If you can, then good.
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A
female
reader, XxMishxX +, writes (11 January 2012):
I know the feeling! my husband never used condoms before he met me and to be honest he never got checked for sti's either! and guess what? he gave me 3 sti's! i couldnt believe how discusted i felt, i never felt so dirty and upset in my life. So i know how you feel.The fact he was ok to go out and have sex with whoever without condoms sicken me. I never asked his sexual history because i dont want to know, but i spoke to him about the risks he was putting himself in, what if he had caught HIV and then passed it on to me? thank god the 3 sti's werent that serious (two were the same one, apparently he threw up the meds and didnt tell me so they didnt work)I have strong feelings like you about sex especially after my experiences, why would anyone think so little of themselves they'll risk getting diseases for a quick fumble? is it really worth it?safe to say im fine now, although im paranoid about sti's and get a check up one a year, even though im married, i guess it affected me alot more then i thought. You cant change the past now, but you have to think, she was lucky she never had a sti or worse a std. i guess you have to try deal with it, maybe get couple counselling, to deal with these feelings, if you cant accept it move on.. things happen for a reason :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012):
I can understand how you feel. I practice safe sex, so I always used a condom with my wife. Even after we got married to continue to use condoms to this day because she does not want to take the pill. That's fine with me.
However, she doesn't like the feel of condoms. She told me early in the relationship that she never used them prior to me and that I shouldn't use them either because it feels better to her if I do not. I asked her what I should do and she said I should just pull out like her old boyfriends.
It is upsetting to me, because aside from the fact that should exposed herself to disease (which thank god she never had) it also means that any one of them men could have accidentally impregnated her. In fact, at least once a man could not control himself and she says she freaked out thinking she might be pregnant when her period was late - but she was not in the end. Yes, I know I should not worry about something that never happened, but it does make me feel jealous. It's made worse because the men she had sex with her not long-term boyfriends (except for one.) All of her previous partners were one night stands or flings and she was exposing herself to disease and pregnancy. She actually did catch trich once which also freaked her out before a doctor diagnosed what was wrong with her. She is not a dumb girl. She is college educated. I would say smarter than average, so I just don't understand her behavior and that's upsetting to me.
By the way, I have been with my wife for 20 years now and, yes, it still matters to me. I wouldn't divorce her over it,
but it's a sore spot that I have never cum inside of my wife even once and some loser jack*ss did.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 January 2012):
 If you were to look at this problem twenty years from now, would it matter that much?
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A
female
reader, Usagi  +, writes (10 January 2012):
 you said yourself that she is the girl of your dreams. you cannot believe that your dream girl, the "one" for you is defiled. she did wrong to herself by letting those guys in without a condom, she didn't do anything wrong to you, she didn't even know you!
you have to either break up with her(and possibly hate yourself for doing that if she really is the right girl for you) or be a grown up about it, accept it even if it's still not pleasant, and be with your girl.
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