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age
36-40,
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writes: how do i get over the fact that my girlfriend kissed another guy and he felt all over her before we started dating and she told me way after we've been dating for 4 to 5 months?i checked and didnt find the question at all please post thanks.
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female
reader, a spades a spade  +, writes (25 August 2009):
she let a guy rub her thigh? well this may sound a bit off the wall, but rubbing someones thigh is hardly consumating, and i'm pretty sure she didn't "let" him, he probably just done it and then she was too embarrassed and/or to frightened to tell you because of your reaction.
and if you really are a Christian, then you will know that we are forgiven for all of our sins as long as we repent (and it was a sin to start with). Which for the record, i dont think a rubbing of a thigh is.
If you really were on love with this girl, this wouldn't even be an issue.
And here's another piece of Christianity for you, think of the things we done to Jesus, and he loved us anyway! enough to die for us.
You may want to start practicing what you preach.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthose were goods answers..God bless you all and thats true i did open my eyes and i didnt say you are all lost to the people who answeres right go read what some people answered in its ok to sleep around before marriage the bible doesnt teach us that and i know we are humans i didnt judge her to say im better and i dont deserve better but my point is how can a relationship stand if trust isnt built? how can i keep her and marry her if things like those dont stop ok she messed up and kissed a guy ok not a biggy but once we started talking and dating and fell in love and she let another guy rub her thigh when i was outta state and i found out from the guy who was a friend of mine it hurt me to know he confessed and she tried to hide thats disrespecting me since we were in love i kept myself away from girls to be my wifes first and still will be and respect my girl i have now and love her truly and still do but am i a rag now to get mistreated like that ok we're humans it happen once but now when we're in love..its different trust is earned not bought you guys understand my point now? and sorry for saying you are lost thats true not my place to say. God bless you all thanks for the answers it opened my eys more. and i worked things out with her and forgave her for all we made a fresh start and she changed alot. i thank God she's clean..its a blessing. thanks again these answers helped.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): You can't get exactly what you want. You have to trust your instincts with people you love. You just have to love and be loved. You have to accept. You have to be grateful and you have to forgive. You have to realize that no one can be perfect for you and understand that they make mistakes.
You can't hold this against her. You love her for who she is, and that's all that should matter. She is cleaner than I can claim to be and most people at that. Try to be understanding that your girlfriend was caught in a moment; lonely; needy and that is all. If that's all she has done, then consider yourself lucky. Don't jump all over her for this. A man who was kissing her and feeling her wanted more, yet she did not give it to him. She saved the greater part of her physical self for someone else. You maybe. You judge her too strictly and accept her too slightly. She is human, that is all.
You have to pick your battles, friend and some simple kissing is not one to be chosen. Don't choose to harshly end a relationship that could end in happiness or never end. I admit you need a virgin but you cannot expect to find a cave woman.
My husband did things before me, but i accept him as clean and the right man for myself. You should do the same for the right person. Utimately, she loves you and you love her.
~Sy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): You can't get exactly what you want. You have to trust your instincts with people you love. You just have to love and be loved. You have to accept. You have to be grateful and you have to forgive. You have to realize that no one can be perfect for you and understand that they make mistakes.
You can't hold this against her. You love her for who she is, and that's all that should matter. She is cleaner than I can claim to be and most people at that. Try to be understanding that your girlfriend was caught in a moment; lonely; needy and that is all. If that's all she has done, then consider yourself lucky. Don't jump all over her for this. A man who was kissing her and feeling her wanted more, yet she did not give it to him. She saved the greater part of her physical self for someone else. You maybe. You judge her too strictly and accept her too slightly. She is human, that is all.
You have to pick your battles, friend and some simple kissing is not one to be chosen. Don't choose to harshly end a relationship that could end in happiness or never end. I admit you need a virgin but you cannot expect to find a cave woman.
My husband did things before me, but i accept him as clean and the right man for myself. You should do the same for the right person. Utimately, she loves you and you love her.
~Sy.
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female
reader, kittykhaos +, writes (23 August 2009):
 This was an honest relationship my closest friend of 7 years and all though he was not my first i was his. I love him and as far as i was aware he loved me. I was honest and i did wait ( 2 years in fact) but sometimes life throws you something you least expect you can't always know what the future holds. In an ideal world he would be my partner and i would give him the world but for some reason he sacrificed his virginity, a 7 year friendship and 2 years of waiting just to turn around and say he didn't want it to be like that. Life is not always black and white and maybe "god" has design's for you but i can't say as i hold much faith Sometimes things in life happen above your control no matter how much of a good person you. "God forgives all" maybe you should try.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthats true kittykhoas but if you dont do anything with that guy and keep an honest relationship by not kissing and going deeper and he leaves his loss and once you find that true person you wanna be with and you were clean youll get him clean and have no regrets or thoughts from the past to haunt you cause you were innocent. and God will bless you with that understand?
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female
reader, kittykhaos +, writes (22 August 2009):
I agree that life is not about how many people you can kiss/have sex with but sometimes you can't always have what you want. I love a man very much but he ended our relationship and so now I will one day endeavour to find love but that fact that I shared a special a connection with that person shouldn't make me any less entitled. Sometimes as much as you want it too life just can't work out like that. It doesn't make me lost but it does make me sad.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou are lost open your eyes life is not based on how many guys or girls you can kiss its to stay away from that and save yourself for that one person thats for you but the worlds turned its roll and now its about how many guys or girls you can sleep with does it make you cooler or screws up that first true night with the person you really love grow up all of you that dont know how to truely live life as a grown up.
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (21 August 2009):
 What the hell has it got to do with you, whether she has kissed a guy before or not? If she is of similar age to you, my guess is that she has probably kissed a few blokes before she met you.Unless you can accept that she actually has a past with other guys, then I don't think you are mature enough to have any relationship with any woman.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question...nice answers. true we are not perfect and im not daring to judge her i am no better than her im human with downfalls and i dont wanna break up but please put yourselves in my shoes i fight hard spiritually i keep hard to the bible and know it but the thing is whenever i didnt pray enough or got stronger in faith sometimes we end up arguing and its normal we are humans but the devil pushes hard and brings up what she did dont get me wrong that im judging her or saying im better cause im not and the thing that hurts me is i love her alot and she changed alot i thought her so much and she stopped all loves me and wants to be with me and me with her but im scared what if im kinda down one day and we argue and i end up saying the wrong stuff..and i never bring up what she did even if its bugging me but i have nobody i can talk to when it pushes me cause if i bring it up to her that its buggong me itd make her feel bad and i dont wanna do that..thanks for the answers they were true and the last one strict but had a really good point.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): Oh honey please don't break up with her over this. She hid it from you because she didn't want to lose you. You have obviously not taken it too well and that's probably what she assumed. She is probably ashamed of it and didn't want to admit to it. She is still clean. If it didn't go any further than kissing then I don't think you can consider her dirty. And you can't start saying that you deserve better than her. That will bring down her self esteem when in reality, what she did wasn't that bad. You really have to try and see passed it. As long as she has a great personality and you get along well with her, she can still be a good person for you to be with! If your age is what it says it is above, then you're lucky to find a girl as "clean" as her. I know it was important to you but it's not the MOST important thing. My husband is the same way as you. When I met him, he had done very few things and he did lie about one thing that i didn't find out until a year and a half later from his friend. Once we got passed the hurt and argueing of the lie, I realized WHY he lied. He was afraid that I wouldn't want to be with him. But there is SO much more to him than just that. And I know he only lied out of fear so I can still trust him. He genuinly feels bad about it and he still the person I fell in love with. Please don't end a beautiful relationship over this.
And when I met him, i had had a boyfriend before for over three years to whom i lost my virginity. But he is so acepting of that because we are still so comaptible and love each other so much.
This is a really good time for you to learn forgiveness in your relationship. You can't go through it thinking that everything will always be perfect. Because it won't. Every relationship starts out like it's perfect but then things come up and the two people have to work through them. Relationships ARE hard. But love works through it.
Is this really enough to outweigh all her good qualities and everything you love about her? Please think about this. I know it seems horrible now, but give it a little longer to cool down. Try spending time with her just like you always have without bringing it up. Then I think you'll see that everything can be fine again, and she indeed the girl you feel for. You can do this!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe thing is i kept away from all girls never kissed or touched any girl im christian and she is to we talked before she messed with that other guy but not to get serious she knew i was clean and before we started talking i told her i want a clean girl and since i kept myself clean i desevre one before we fell for each other she had time to tell me and maybe it would've helped me see she was honest and opened up from start so i wouldve knew what i was dealing with but she told me after and after we were in love and dating i went to visit some friends outta state and that guys brother got close to her and started touching her thigh she didnt chase him off but sat there that guy was a friend of mine he told me he did that to her while she buried it and tried to hide it how can i trust her and love her when i gave so much for her but she does that then cries when i talk about breaking up..
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female
reader, starfairy +, writes (20 August 2009):
 What she di dbefore she even got with you to be honest is none of your concern.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): Ok. I'm guessing you have a relationship that we don't exactly understand. I have a different sort of relationship myself from most people, and even I don't understand wwhere you're coming from. So i'll try to help by standing in what may be your shoes.
So what's the real problem? That she kissed and was felt up by another guy? Did she lie about it?
Or is that you two are a very conservative couple and strongly believe that you should not have any sexual contact whatsoever with someone with whome you are not emotionally connected to? IF that's the case, then my guess is, the guy she kissed was not her boyfriend.
I'll go off of that with my advice.
Maybe you feel hurt and betrayed, and i'm sure you don't like thinking about her with another guy besides yourself, but maybe she hid it because she was ashamed. Did you start argueign with her over her not telling you sooner and not ever get to the bottom of it? You should feel lucky. A lot of people, in that situation, would have given into the temptation to go further. She had self control and didn't let it go any further. And now she is with you. Try to understsand that it's very unlikely that she stills talks to the guy or thinks about him or compares you to him at all. You should not feel threatened by something that happened before the two of you were together.
And remember, that the more you bring this up to her, the more you are forcing her to think about it. Wouldn't it be better off forgotten? There are details missing here. Maybe you'd care to fill us in.
~Sy.
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female
reader, a spades a spade +, writes (20 August 2009):
before you met her? are you seriously going to hold this against her? if so, she's better off out it. i'd hate to think what other trivial, inconsequential things you might take offense to...
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female
reader, kittykhaos +, writes (20 August 2009):
I replied to this the first time you posted it.
So what if your g/f has a past most people do and some don't like to talk about it and some don't share that information with there partners because they feel they don't want to know. Does she deserve love any less because she let someone touch her does that mean single people like me who have have previous sexual relationships are not supposed to be loved?
The last boy i dated was my best friend he knew i had a boyfriend before him but never asked me how many people i had been with and if i had have i probably would have been offended her past is just that "past" so get over yourself.
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