A
female
age
51-59,
*lexandra418
writes:Hi, I'm a 39 yr old female and I've been seeing a 22 yr old guy! I have fallen in love with him, but have been trying to hide it!! I'm crying as I write this, because last night, we talked, and we've decided to stop the intimate part of our relationship. I told him how I felt about him, and he said he couldn't give me what I wanted because of my being a lot older than him. He also said that he is still finding himself and it wouldn't be fair to me. He wants to stay friends, and I told him that I would rather have him as a friend than nothing at all but that I would need time to heal my shattered heart!! I don't know if I will, only time will tell!!! I told him I think he's an amazing person and that I am so lucky I had the time I had with him, he said he felt the same way. He works on a cargo ship, he's a merchant marine, and he could leave at any time, which was another problem for us. I am absolutely devastated, I feel like someone just died. I can't stand the pain. I was willing to open myself to a relationship with him, regardless of the age gap, because I thought I didn't want to look back and regret not being with him all because of a number, but if he's not ready, he's not ready! Life can be so hard!! If anyone has any advice as to what I should do, I would love to hear what you have to say! Sincerely, lovesick! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): So I woke up sat morning to find 3 missed calls from at 445 AM! He said that he got really drunk because he was so upset and wanted to talk to me! I honestly think that he's confused and scared!! I talked to him on the phone yesterday and he sounded so sad! What ate your thoughts on this?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): You got to move on.Sorry.I know thats not what you want to hear but the guy has told you straight and in as kind a way as he possibly could.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (20 August 2009):
 You're nearly 40 & this guy is 22. Its highly unlikely it would work anyway. Usually 22 year olds get with older women for the kicks. He says he felt the same way, but on the other hand he isn't ready for a full on relationship? Hmmmm. If he really felt the same way, the time would become right. Thats how we all end up with Mr/Mrs right afterall. And plenty of people are married by the age of 22 with kids!
Put it down to experience & aim for someone nearer your own age. Not knocking youngsters, but someone nearer 40 will usually be more grounded & ready for the long haul.
Wisdom comes with age as they say.
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A
female
reader, alexandra418 +, writes (20 August 2009):
alexandra418 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I know I shouldn't have, but I texted him just a while ago, asking him if he could see a relationship bet us if we were the same age and this is what he said: IT can't work because I'm looking for a recognition that strums the deepest part of my soul and I'm sorry but I don't have that feeling with you even if we were the same age!! OUCH!!!!! that just about killed me!! I'm shocked, I felt a mutual connection with him, I am totally devastated and I can't stop crying!!
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (20 August 2009):
 You sound like you really liked this guy.
looking at it objectively i can say he was good enough to be honest with you and break it off.
plus his job situation did not help for a long term commitment.
he is young, and you need to respect that and let him go on with his life.
he's still a young man finding out what he wants in life.
The best thing you can do is surround yourself with positive friends and family so they can support you at your tough time.
Take a day at a time you will get better.
Good luck!
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