A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A normal girl in love with another. Something I would have thought impossible for me, until over a year ago.I have been in love with her for a long time, I don't know why or how, but I am. On new years of last year she went the extra mile and kissed me, it was then I found out she had the same feelings for me. We were a couple to each other since then, and I had never been so happy.But then, a scare. A friend found out, and it scared me. After that I had myself convinced I didn't love her like that, only a sister. I told her, she was hurt, but it was for the best, I was too scared of ruining our lives. Ruining hers.We had never called ourselves a couple after that, even though we constantly did lover like things together, so in reality we were. For a while, my thoughts were still all oh we are sisters, but one day, she just kissed me out of the blue, then I realized that no, it was love.Then, a few months ago, someone told me that their best friend has a girlfriend; my girlfriend.I confronted her and she broke down, I had never seen her in such a mess since I have known her. Since then we had done things no taken girl would. She said she loved me. I was her one.Then he came and all was different. Oh, did I mention he lives across the province? She is 17, he is 21, going to college far away from here. My girl only met him once or twice, all they had known about each other was on the internet from then onwards. He flirted with me many time with his sexual crap, she must have fell for it.He knew we were together, so why did he bloody do it?Why did she bloody go for it?Now he has gone back to school. She cried. I tried to be there for her. Now she is different again. She says she may still love me, she has leaned in for kisses but stopped herself, wanted my warmth.Gosh, after giving my life story, how about why I am here. I am here to ask what to do. I love her so much, and since I see her nearly every day, it is hard to deal with this pain. I cannot cope with being her friend, but I cannot cope without her. I want her to be with me again, I cannot lie. I wish I didn't want her for all she has done, but I can't help but love her. I know I should let her go and get over it, but how? She may still love me, she wants to spend time with me. I see her nearly every day, I cannot even avoid it.I feel that my depression (which I was diagnosed with a week before i found out about them) scared her away, and it isn't making this situation any better.Sometimes I wish she valued me over him. That she would leave him, if not to be with me, be for me, so I can cope. But that's not a good thing, it's just not.She has had her own share of bad things in her life lately, sometimes I wonder if she only likes him because he is the epitome of positivity, while I am not... She cannot cope with negativity, she is so fragile poor girl.Oh dear, I have really given you my life story haven't I? I guess I will stop there. Any advice, I would be grateful for.
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female
reader, Sally_A  +, writes (9 January 2011):
first of all, i'm a lez myself, and i've had a similar story somehow...
ok,rule nb one, try to see a psychologist to get out of that depression!
nb 2: let her go, YES !!! let her go!!! if she really loves you, she will come back! ( tell her that you need to stop seeing her for a while, that you wanna experience new stuff... make her feel like she's losing you.. maybe that would push her to make a decision either she wants you or him!
rule nb 3: you don't wanna be her backup plan right? try to push her to take a decision, and if that decision was to let you go for this boy, than , unfortunately, you should and must let her go... for your owne good
girl i've been there, i know it seems impossible!!! i know that right now u might be crying cz of this! of the thought that you might not be with her!!!
but trust me, BELIEVE ME!!! it's a phase that u'll get thru...
if she chooses him, than let her go, take a decision to stop seeing her, and do it!!
you know deep down that u can't have her as a friend, cz if you stay next to her, and pretend to be her friend, u'll always be feeling low and depressed!!
i've been there! i lived that!!! i thought i would never be able to live with her! i thought i can't breathe without her!!! i thought that if something happened to her i'll end my owne life!!!
believe me, if she chooses him, after making her choose, it will be better for you if you leave!
u'll be depressed for sometime, u'll cry, u won't sleep or eat... u'll lose weight, u'll lose interest in meeting other girls, but that's just TEMPORARY!!!
cz u'll find someone that will make ur heart beat faster once u stop seeing her or communicate with her!
u'll find a girl that will make you fall for her so hard that u won't even see anyone but her in this world!!!
and guess what! that girl will respect you and love YOU and ONLY YOU!!! and will make her best to make you feel special for her ! and that's what u'll be!!!!
talk to ur girl, have a serious talk, get an answer and a decision from her, and make ur mind on what you want to do!
and the most important thing is: DON'T BE COUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A FAKE FRIENDSHIP THAT IS BASED ON USING YOU AND MAKING YOU FEEL SPECIAL FROM TIME TO TIME SO SHE CAN HAVE YOU WHENEVER SHE WANTS TO!!
hope i helped, and trust me, even if u decided to let her go, u'll be ok, u'll wake up someday and look at that stage of ur life back when u loved her and say, thank God i left, cz i don't want someone who doesn't choose me among everyone else, thank God i left cz now i have a BETTER LIFE with someone who really APPRECIATE ME !!!!
take care, and i hope i helped!
A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 One thing that stands out in what you have written is that YOU need to accept yourself for who you are and care less for what others think. A lot less. Are you some uncaring person? No. Learn to love yourself as if you are wonderful because you are.
Ok, you made a mistake. We all do that. A lot. I can't really blame the girl you love for feeling upset over you letting her down like you did when in the first place you had strong feelings for each other. I am sure things would have worked out if you were consistent. If you love someone, just love them.
As for her relationship with him, I am not so sure. Perhaps the relationship is simpler. Whatever, try and be a good and consistent friend for her.
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