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male
,
anonymous
writes: I am in love with a girl, who is in a relationship with another guy. Our relationship started in a strange way a year back. We were very good friends and then we realized that we have other feelings towards each other... After that, we have had so many intimate moments and have been there for each other all the time. We are truly in love...All this while, neither of us were thinking about marriage. Every time the question of our future came, we kept postponing the decision to a later time. I think it was mainly because we knew that what we were doing was wrong though we liked each other very much. But now it has reached a stage, where she has to choose one of us.I have made my decision that I am going to marry her and I know that she loves me more than the other guy.However, she is utterly confused now because if we are to get together, she will have to break her 4 year affair with the other guy. All this while, she didn’t want to break up with the other guy because her parents have accepted the other guy as their son-in-law and if she is to break up with him then they will be heart-broken as well. Also, she has this guilty feeling that the other guy doesn’t deserve to be dumped because he haven’t done any thing wrong to her so far.Although she has told me so many times that she loves me more than the other guy, these days she is not showing her love towards me. We fight a lot these days as a result of this, and also she tries to avoid me as well.I am in love and I want to marry her. I am leading a stressful life and confused as to what to do.If I move away from her for sometime and let the time give a solution to my issue, I might loose her forever because her parents want her to get her self married soon to the other guy.At the same time, I don’t want to push her too much to leave the other guy and settle for an exclusive relationship with me immediately it self, because she is having a lot of problems with her career now and she is under a lot of stress as a result.Pls tell me how I should approach this.Thanks in Advance“Helpless Lover”
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reader, becky05 +, writes (8 July 2005):
This girl does not love you best, if she did, she wouldnt be able to keep up with the pretence of a serious relationship with this other man.It doesnt sound like your girlfriend knows what she wants and I think it would be best for you to give her space to decide.
A
reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (8 July 2005):
Dear Helpless Lover,
It's time for you to stop feeling helpless & take action !
The fact this girl has been in a 4 year relationship should be enough for you to back off & let her work things out on her own, without pressure from you.
She has her financee & family to deal with...plus an upcoming marriage and stress with her career, but also has to deal with you talking about marrying her...she must be so confused & in turmoil.
Plus, she feels guilty about having an affair with you.
If you REALLY love this girl...sever communication from her...stop calling her and/or trying to spend time with her.
If she REALLY loves you in return, it will give her the freedom & strength to end her present relationship and come to you.
I pity her poor fiancee...he sounds like a sweet trusting guy....did you ever think about his feelings?
How would you like it if your fiancee was sleeping with another guy...you'd feel betrayed and devastated !
If her family, friends or financee find out about you, I can GUARANTEE you'll be in plenty of hot water !
You have 2 choices:
Leave her alone & risk losing her
Keep pressuring her and risk losing everything !
I hope you are intelligent enough to choose wisely.
If you lose her, then it wasn't meant to be.
It's wrong to tread on another's man's territory and you know it...so do what's right...practice integrity & you may be delightfully rewarded in the future !
...............................
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