A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so me and my girlfriend have been going out for roughly ten months now. It initially started off amazing, but until school came along and we became physically distant, problems started emerging. Recently, we have been fighting constantly. We have broken up three times before but only going back to each other. It becomes ironic when she says that she hates feeling suffocated, but she is a very insecure person and she wants me her texting/talking to her all the time. (later she feels that she is being suffocated). But that is not the only problem, i am trying the hardest and best i can (even with an extremely busy schedule) to see her and make her feel secure, but she seems not to see any effort that i am giving her and tells me that even thouh i am trying my hardest, try harder. She even said to me, "You know what, i deserve better than this." I even go out of my way to help her!Additionally, she has a killer short temper. When her temper is released, its almost like "no holds barred". She lashes out so veraciously (not physically) and says whatever is on her mind. There is no calming her down. I've tried many, many times in a patient manner (i've learned to be extremely patient with her). On top of it all (i know if feel like i am complaining, but i truthfully need the best answer), she does not like talking about her problems. Answer's like 'i don't want to talk about it.'are heard frequently. You seem i am an extremely, understanding boyfriend and i want the best for my girlfriend. When a problem comes a long, i want to talk about it so it will be resolved, but she refuses. Honestly, its killing me on the inside. I truthfully love this girl and would do anything for her and she does love me back, but i don't know what to do. Like when i try to talk to her (even when we are chill), she takes it as an attack on her (i mention that i am not attacking/ trying to offend her) and thus the problems begin. HELP ME, PLEASE!! I hope that i am not asking for to much!
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female
reader, GiselleLF +, writes (28 August 2016):
Lots of people have problems with communication. If you really love this girl, stay with her and try to help her get better. Have you tried writing her letters? Written communication can sometimes be more effective than face to face verbal communication because it's more passive and seems less aggressive. Remember to be patient. People with anger issues are like toddlers. But if you can get through to her, you can help her grow into a mature women who can hold discussions calmly. Lots of people give up and throw away their partners when there are problems. I wouldn't suggest doing that unless she's really making you miserable and she's unwilling to change her behavior. If you two really love each other, you will work your problems out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): this sounds just like the was with my boyfriend, its not nice being like that but sometimes you cant help it, i have a short temper too, and i hate the way i am sometimes, but maybe you need to try and get her to open up a bit more, maybe she has alot of worries and anger inside. did she have a bad childhood? the reason i was angry with my partner all the time was because i had so many bad memories bottled up and it just makes you angry. but i understand that she shouldnt treat you like this, try to help her, if that doesnt work then you desereve better. my boyfriend told me " you better start changing, or your going to lose me" and he i could tell he meant it and it scared me, so i learnt to get better. have a talk with her, see how it goes, if she aint willing to change then tell her you will leave her, otherwise your both just going to be unhappy and fighting all the time. good luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): I have had a few female friends that are just like this or have been like this in the past. You cannot change them. Leave, get out now. They don't change. I am a grown woman and These ladies are grown up themselves so it does not change, TRUST ME!!! There are girls out there that will love and respect you. Do not take this crap off of anyone, it is not acceptable. You seem young, get a new girlfriend and start over. Sounds like she has her own problems and is taking things out on you. Run as fast and as far away as you can, continue to live a happy life and don't let her bring you down. Girls like this are manipulative, abusive and they hurt the guys that take their crap. They have to be with someone who won't take their crap, unfourtnately it is usually another abusive person. I have personally seen this happen. I hope this helps you.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (7 March 2010):
 Listen to puzzlesolver - he's spot on and knows what he is talking about. Lose this mean girl! You deserve better treatment!
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (7 March 2010):
You are not asking for too much! Loose this mean girl. She is making your life miserable! Re-read what you wrote - you will see what I am saying- it's all in your text. Truth be told - you think you do but you don't "love" this girl. This is not what love feels and sounds like. Anyone who acts miserable and then says "I don't want to talk about it!" is very passive agressive - you will not win with her EVER. Move on to a girl who deserves a thoughtful guy like you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): Answer's like 'i don't want to talk about it.'are heard frequently.. When a problem comes a long, i want to talk about it so it will be resolved, but she refuses.. Like when i try to talk to her (even when we are chill), she takes it as an attack on her (i mention that i am not attacking/ trying to offend her) and thus the problems begin.She's abusive, even if not physically,..for sure emotionally, possibly verbally. That's how an abuser deals with the problems they cause...they don't and can't.. They know they are the only one at fault, so they know they have nothing good to say, and ALSO, they will never try to solve and problem rationally or reasonably. She won't change, and don't ever marry her or think that she'll change. If you marry her, she'll get worse, feeling she has you trapped with no options but to feel threatened by her, and it will make you feel just as miserable as she wants you to feel, everyday. You're lucky you've only been with her that long and that you're not married. Don't ever marry her, if I can express that enough, so you don't end up ruining the rest of your life. You may love her deeply, and the more you love her the more she'll take advantage of you and play you. The only time she'll be nice is when she's horny and wants some, and then she'll be back to her regular abuse, starting the next day. If you marry her and/or have children with her, she'll use that to make you feel you can never leave her as much, as you would wish to.. If you look at her, and something's not right, and you feel you love her deeply, and she doesn't seem to give you the time of day, at times, later pretending she's nice and was never mean to you, IT'S TRUE.
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