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male
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*C373
writes: My girlfriend is going to college and has always told herself she didn't want a boyfriend in college. At this point we are both 18 and have been dating for a year and a half. When we started dating, she fell hard for me, yet I didn't want to get attached too quickly because I didn't want to get hurt. Eventually I fell madly in love with her and she seriously means more than the world to me. She tells me she still has feelings for me but that she doesn't love me anymore and that in 6 months, we're pretty much done. The thing is I'm already going to college in the city and shes going to be really close. I know you can't make someone love you, but I can't let go. Deep down, I know she still loves me a bit, but because of her lack of self-confidence and constant self-pity, she feels she can't give me the love I deserve. I want to show her that she means more than anything to me and that I do believe we were meant to be together. Somebody...please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lizabeth +, writes (7 January 2006):
hi, your girlfriend seems to act like she knows what she wants but doesn't seem to have her mind totally made up. don't push her into making a decision tht YOU want give her time to figure out what she wants. college is a big step and either way no matter what she decides to do it could still affect her future. but don't let her walk all over you, she does need to understand that every moment shes thinking about it, it gets harder for you.
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female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (1 January 2006):
 Why doesn't your girlfriend want a boyfriend in college? Does she feel that she won't be able to juggle her academic responsibilities with a personal life? Does she want to spend time meeting and getting to know multiple guys rather than staying committed to one? You should find out why she has this attitude because it could tell you a lot about your relationship and where it is headed.
If, for some strange reason, I didn't want a boyfriend when I was in college, I certainly would have modified my plans if I previously met someone that I loved. I would never push away a loved one for no reason. I'm thinking that most people have a similar attitude. Something fishy is going on with your girlfriend. It could just be that she doesn't love you the way that you thought she did. Or it could be something entirely different. You need to figure out what's up.
If she continually tells you that she doesn't love you anymore and that your relationship is finished in 6 months, then you should not stay with her. Most people don't set a time limit on their relationships. If they do, then they're not satisfied, they have trouble committing, they get bored easily, or any combination of those scenarios. You don't want to be with someone who feels that way about you, do you? My advice: It's probably time to move on. Find yourself someone who will love you in return, so much that she could not conceive of setting a time limit on your relationship. You need someone who cares about you enough that the thought of breaking up with you in 6 months makes her heartbroken, not someone who anticipates the break-up.
If you love her, then you have to let her go. If she loves you, she'll be back. If not, then it wasn't meant to be. And don't think for one minute that she wants to break up because she lacks self-confidence and pities herself. Having a boyfriend who loves her should make her feel good about herself, and if she really has self-esteem issues, then she should WANT to stay with you for that reason. I'm telling you: something else is up!
Have you told her exactly how you feel? If you haven't, then you need to. Maybe she doesn't realize how much you love her, and if you told her, she'd feel like the relationship was going somewhere, and she wouldn't be so quick to end it. If you have, then tell her again. Give her an ultimatum. Tell her that you don't want to be with someone who doesn't value the relationship, and that she's going to have to adopt a different outlook if she values your relationship and wants it to last.
Best of luck to you.
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