A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My gf's sister and her 4yr old niece are moving in with us. We live in a small 2bd condo and space is tight. Never before did I think that I would have a problem helping out "family" in a time of need but I do have some serious concerns regarding this living situation. First she's not going to pay rent now or anytime in the near future. The responsibility of her 4yr old running arround the house is a BIG one, she gets into everything and isn't diciplined well. Her sister is a slob!! Living in a tight space only makes things worse as you can see the mess everywhere you go. NOISE, her niece is loud and is alread disrupting our quiet time later in the evening. The family jokingly referrers to her as "SIREN" Any specific ideas from somebody with a similar experience would help. Otherwise feel free to put you opinion in. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): allow your gf sister to have your niece under control. helping family is inportant to your gf and she wants you to know that helping family is from the heart.
A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 Hi
Your gf is probably trying to show you that "She has everything under control". I dont think it would be right for your guys to babysit. As you have said that you work 6 days a week and you would need time to yourllselves. I think that there isnt much that you can do now. Just take things easy (as hard as it may be)and hope that the sister finds else where to live soon!
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (6 November 2007):
 Anytime you have someone other than you and your mate living in the same house it can cause disruption. Having a small child who is undeslipined in the house can be huge problem. As far as the sister, set ground rules period. You and your mate deserve time with one another and she never should put herself in the middle of anything.
You and the g/f should discuss all the options and the possilbe problems of her sis and little one being there. If she isn't able to pay rent then you two will be footing all the bills not for 2 grownups but 3 and a small child. I have had up to 8 people at a time living with me and trust me it can get hectic. When no one seems to care if the housework is done or if the kids are tearing the house down.
I would suggest that if any way possible that her sister seek help thru socail services. Let her know that she will be expected to do something to earn her keep. If you don't set limitations you will be forever sorry. If she won't take care of things where she is now then she isn't going to want to in your home either chances are.
As far as the dicipline problem of the child, let her know that she can expect to have the child reprimanded if she is doing things that are inapproapriate. You might also suggest that the child be placed into some sort of couseling program. They do have one that is state funded. They can make sure also that it is only a desiplinary problem not something like ADHD.
Let her know that you will work with her but only if she is willing to work with you. Don't let her push the buttons. You and your girlfriend have to both be on the same page with whatever you decide. Let the sister know where things stand go from there. Your girlfriend cares for you, her sister and child so be fair. Try to understand her feelings but don't compromise the relationship that you two have by letting the sister overrule or control your household.
Pray that God will help you all to be a loving family and help one another in this time of need. I am sure you will find a good compromise. Godspeed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I took yoour advice and tried to talk to my gf about the "rules" of the house concerning our new roomates. I must say that she was standoffish and dismissive at times but did realize that some boundaries needed to be set. She got upset and didn't want to talk about it anymore and stated that she knew how to handle her sister. I think her motto is play it cool untill something arises then correct and lay down the law. I happen to feel that with little children in the house a routine and dicipline need to be clearly stated upfront. My gf and I both work very hard often 6 days a week and it's sad to say but this is already putting added stress on our relationship. My gf is stubborn and belives that she can handle everything but what she dosen't realize is that this new living situation affects both of us. I told her that we need to be together on this but she seems to see this only as a one sidded issue. She makes me feel like I'm the bad guy just for stating simple rules like.... clean up after yourself, or no playing after 9, and that we will not be the default babysitter. My gf has said a number of times now that she regrets the decision to have them move up but it's really to late to change our minds now. I think she's overwhelmed and I fear that this could lead to resentment later twards her sis. What a mess!!! I would appreciate any additional advice thanks.
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A
female
reader, sexi +, writes (6 November 2007):
Hi
The only person who can help you is your gf. Speak to her and let her know hw you feel. Maybe she thinks you are very ok with the situation but you are not entirely. Is this going to be a permanent thing? Let your gf know what you think and how you would like the house to be ran. You need to set boundaries and "rules". Is there any other place that she can live?
Regards
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGreat advice keep it comming!!!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 Try to set up a few guidelines in advance. Your house, your rules. You and your girlfriend should talk about how you will deal with whatever should arise. Just make sure that you are on the same page and that she will be siding with you when things are in dispute - otherwise this sort of arrangement could become a challenge in your relationship. Your girlfriend has to be able to side with you and put you first (as long as you are being reasonable), otherwise it won't work. This could be very difficult with sisters. You should be able to speak freely and agree to dicipline her child when you see fit as well, and that should be included in the deal. It would help if you also pitched in with the child in order to win the mom and the child over into viewing you with authority. Authority and respect come from the effort people see you put in. Making this work is going to require a lot of patience and co-operation, especially (unfortunately) on your part. Most children thrive on routine. If she is not keeping the same hours and daily routine, she will be confused, over-tired and irritable. The more you all stick to a regular dinner/bedtime schedule, the better the child will become. Screaming, running and jumping all require "time-outs" and you should be allowed to do this. The picking up is something that everyone should be pitching in on, including the child. One giant basket/area helps. If you are pro-active and work with all of the women in the house you should be able to calm things down with a bit of work. The only problem would be if you sit on the sidelines and complain to your girlfriend constantly, which will make all of you more miserable. You are both very kind to take in your relative when she needed help. A big hats off to you and wish there were more people out there as generous as you and she are.
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