A
male
age
30-35,
*ammer69
writes:My GF was started is thinking about going to the gym with her sister because she invited her to go. I love her very much and I would never leave her and stand by her no matter what, but her going to the gym scares me a bit and i have a few questions that I need answered. First, she is a pretty big girl not tall just big and because of that she has developed a pretty large set of breast, me being a breast man I have no problem with that. What I'm worried about is her losing her breasts. I know that if she loses as much weight as she is planning they will get smaller but I was hoping that someone could tell me some exercises she could stay away from to kind of keep from losing them completely. I have noticed that she has started to lose weight and i know that she is going to be losing a lot more. my next worry is that what if her skin doesn't keep up with her weight lose. so does anyone know any ways besides surgery that me or her could do to keep her skin moving as fast as her weight lose? I kinda feel bad because even thought I love her and I want the best for her and I know she should lose weight for her current and future health and self-esteem problems, I kinda don't want her to lose weight. I have become kinda attached to her size. like when we got together it didn't matter to me one way or another but now I really like it. I kinda feel bad and I was wondering if that makes me a bad person that even thought I know she should I don't want her to because I'm kinda afraid of what she will look afterward and I'm afraid that even thought I'll still love her I wont have that physical attraction anymore. So just to recap these are the questions:1.Are there any exercises she should stay away from to kinda maintain her breast size or keep from losing them?2.without surgery is there anything one of us could do to keep her skin tight or make sure that her skin contracts along with her weight lose?3. Does it make me a bad person that even thought i know she should lose weight for health and self-esteem reasons I don't want her to because I'm worried about the other questions and I'm afraid that after-wards I won't be physically attracted to her?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (31 January 2012):
 It is good you are concerned about her health. I have to say, the very best thing you can do is to get her (AND yourself) into a doctor's care so she can be managed better. I would take the money you may be putting aside for the wedding and put that to getting at least ONE doctor's visit for the two of you.
If she's had a baby, then she has an OB/GYN and that could be her primary care physician.
I would take the tack that you are concerned about both your health statuses and that you, being a responsible and caring man, have decided the two of you need to have a physical and get checked out, in order to start your life together as healthfully as possible. You are doing this not because you care how she looks but because you care how healthy you both are.
Untreated asthma has probably killed more than one person, so I would urge you to prioritize getting seen by a good doctor. I don't know your circumstances but getting some medical insurance is a good idea; I have family members who had to go into their state's pool because of some pre-existing conditions. I would definitely pursue getting yourself squared away in that area, make that a top priority and then the doctor's visit will get her (and you) on a plan to optimum health, which normally includes being at a healthy weight and treating the asthma appropriately.
She (and you) may also be able to find a low-cost health care provider at http://www.plannedparenthood.org if you use the tool that locates clinics in your ZIP code.
As it sounds like you spend a good deal of time worrying about the future, I would put that busy mind to work finding a way to get yourselves covered via insurance. It may be costly-sounding, but if she's going to be obese and you are going to have untreated asthma, one or the both of you will wind up in the ER with a condition that could have been prevented through ordinary visits to a good health care practitioner.
Good luck to you! Remember, you are pursuing good health, not a set 'look' for her, okay? That's your best approach to discussing it with her.
Best wishes.
A
male
reader, mammer69 +, writes (31 January 2012):
mammer69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the congrats. Her sister was going to start to go to the gym and take my Gf (at the time) with her and like a fool I was worried about it.And yes I worried about something that hadn't happened yet but that is me I think about everything. And I've realized that she has gained a lot of weight over the time. I didn't realize it at first because though she was a friend I didn't pay much attention to her, but I've realized how much she has put on and I'm worried about her. the thing about fixing her healthy stuff and all is a good Idea the thing is we don't live together yet. I only spend the weekends down her house and she does all the shopping because she is the one with the money, so i can't tell her what to buy. But I really want to find a way to bring up to her the fact that I am really starting to worry about her size. And no I haven't but I have searched the internet and found some ways to prevent and treat asthma attacks with out a pump. I really want to help her with this because I know she thinks of herself as this fat ugly discussing woman, and even thought she is fat she isn't discussing or ugly , she is really very beautiful. And thank you I'm going to try and get her out the house and walk around, I'm also going to get her to teach me how to play tennis. I know it's a bad Idea because of asthma but I know how far I can push myself and stop before the attack. I don't actually want to learn it but I want to get her up and moving because I really am starting to worry about her. she played tennis in high school and I figure it would be a good idea for her and I would be able to start it and start helping her with out her knowing. but please I need a way to talk to her about it. to express my concern to her with out her ending in tears or my balls up around my ears or me being a single man again. thank you
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 January 2012):
 Well congrats on the engagement first of all.
IT appears from the first post that she was THINKING of going to the gym… but did not…. Is that what happened…s o you were worrying about something that had not even happened yet??? And now she’s gaining a lot of weight or is it just that you looked at old pictures and realized over time how much weight she has put on?
I’ve gained weight primarily because of how my partner likes to eat now… and it’s hard for me to eat the way I know I should because he does not like healthy foods… so to eat with him means I eat crap. Best advice to you is NOT to say anything but rather to live the live you both need to live to be healthy… that means every day you eat properly and you get a bit of exercise. So what you do is make a healthy breakfast and pack her a healthy lunch and then make sure dinner is something good fish, chicken, lean meats, fruits, veggies, whole grains… in reasonable amounts… snacks should be fruits and veggies mostly… stay well hydrated with non-caloric non-caffeine drinks such as water and herbal teas or even crystal light (although the sweeteners in them sometimes are a problem) AND get SOME exercise… for example when you guys get home ask her to go for a walk or join a dance group (I used to go square dancing with my first husband). Living by example is the BEST way to get her to be healthy. I wish I could do it with my fiancé but he’s adamant that he’s not changing who he is or how he eats.
BTW have you spoken to your doctor about getting sample inhalers for your asthma?? ASTHMA kills. I almost lost my son when he was three to a severe asthma attack… many drug companies will provide meds at a lower cost for just this reason but you have to ask.
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (31 January 2012):
 First you didn't want her to loose weight, now you want her to drop weight? I am confused here. What exactly happened during this past month that has changed your mind here? How much weight could she have possibly gained in this small time frame that has you so worried? You were saying she was losing weight and doing her exercising routine, and now all of a sudden you think she is big? Not following you here.
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male
reader, mammer69 +, writes (31 January 2012):
mammer69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI need some help pretty bad. I just asked my GF to marry me this past weekend, I say this to establish that I'm not superficial. I've been looking at some pics of her on her face book and I've noticed that she has put on some weight. she was big when I met her and when we got together so that is not the problem. the problem is that before I didn't worry to much about it but now I am. In some of the early ones she was in high school and she was losing weight and I know she's had a kid since then so that isn't much of a problem but she is really starting to get pretty heavy and I've started to notice it. and I'm really starting to worry about her. So my question is this how can I talk to her about it with out her getting up set with me and not talking to me or worse? and what are somethings that i could do to help her in losing the weight and are there any ways for her to lose the weight without having to leave her kid alone (like staying inside and still being able to lose it). I really need some help. i love this girl and I really want to help her with this problem she has and help her to get back to what she was prior her kid.
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female
reader, bluecow  +, writes (23 December 2011):
 there are times, like now when I am soooooo glad to live in a country with a working national health service.
Anyhow, you asked about the links between obesity and cancer.
Since 2001 studies have been linking a higher incidence of certain cancers to people who are overweight or obese. In face the risk increases up to 30% for certain types of cancer.
Obesity increases the risk of the following:
Colon (bowel)
Breast (after menopause)
endometrium (lining of womb)
kidney
oesophagus (pipe your food goes down before reaching stomach)
To give you more facts... in 2002 there were 41000 cases of cancer linked solely to obesity. Naturally that doesnt include those with prev family history or OTHER risk factors (such as smoking).
The usa estimate that 20% of deaths in women (and 30% in men) with cancer are DUE TO OBESITY.
You are right that for reasons unknown (thought to be hormonal) breast cancer in women who have not gone through menopause is slightly lower (1.5%). However the longer she she has been obese the higher the risks become after menopause, and the sooner she loses weight the better her chances are.
ok last bit of science.
BMI.. this is the ratio of weight to height and age. It gives a better indication of whether someone is overweight than just weighing scales alone. There are problems with it as someone who is a highly trained athelete would score higher (muscle weighs more than fat) on the bmi scale, yet they would be in peak health and fitness.
So.... the target bmi is around 20-25 (sources differ on the exact figure ranging from 19-27). Anything below that is underweight, anything above is overweight. Above 30 is OBEST, below 16 is severely underweight.
Google a calculator and you and your girlfriend can check your own BMI's.
Your girlfriend is making the BEST decision she can for her future health. Obesity doesnt just increase the risk of cancers, it also increases the risk of
diabetes type 2
cardio vascular disease (blocked arteries, heart attack, high blood pressure, heart failure, arrythmia, stroke)
infertility
osteoarthritis
sleep apnoea (snoring or holding breath whilst sleeping)
respiratory problems (asthma like symptoms, apnoea)
high cholesterol
osteo arthritis
premature labour or other pregnancy complications
stress incontinence
mental illness
Soooooo, after that little list which is by no means exhaustive... are you now more supportive of your girlfriends (and maybe your) path to a healthier life?
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male
reader, mammer69 +, writes (22 December 2011):
mammer69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've been big most of my life and she has been all her life. thought I have asthma I've never actually been diagnosed with it but i know enough about the type i have and enough about the family history to know i have it. i just try to take it slow and i know my limit. I don't have an inhaler either do to the cost. i try not to burden the family with it. running and doing stairs seem to be the only thing that trigger it, like my dad's did. I learned enough from him to know what to do. and he was a weight lifter, boxer and runner, i know how to handle it with out an inhaler.And I know people change over time, I've thought on that subject for many years, that's how i got the reputation for harping over little details and over thinking. She nor i have a doctor neither of us have the money for doctor visits. But the thing about bones i know i have very thick bones my GF on the other hand doesn't I know she don't. the only place her bones are thick are in her legs and head. Every were else she has a very small frame. I think it might be from the fact that even thought she is heavy she didn't get a lot of calcium growing up, un like i did. At like 10 I drank a gallon of milk in like two or three days, by myself. One question what does BMI mean I've heard it before but forgot what it is. and I've never heard that heavy women are more at risk for breast cancer I actually heard the opposite because it there is more fatty tissue and that on mammograms it would be easier to pick it up. And the self-esteem thing for me is always going to be there for many mental reasons. and going to some one for help, won't help, i have a habit of turning the secessions. and she knows that she can't lose all of it because she would look like hell. she said that to me actually. Sometime we think a lot a like. thank you all for the help. i haven't seen her in a few days but i will talk to her tomorrow when i see her thank you. and thank you for wishing me luck.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 December 2011):
I would strongly caution as a short woman that BMI is not a great way to determine what we should weigh. IN addition if she has ALWAYS been heavy many bariatric surgeons (those that focus on helping obese people lose weight) do not want us to get to a "normal bmi" but rather just an overweight BMI.
If you are carrying excess weight for a long time your muscles and bones adjust for this and get heavier... (i'm lucky to be a middle aged woman with GREAT bones because of years of being so heavy).... but they WEIGH MORE... and hence if I Had a NORMAL BMI I would be too skinny...
I find that at 5'2" for ME 140-150 is a good weight.... lower than 140 and I look skelatal.... and my doctor wanted me at 169! we had to fight about that... he finds me too thin now...
HEALTH is what it is all about and women need a bit of fat on them for menstruation to occur...
she needs to base her weight on how she looks and feels not a number on the scale.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 December 2011):
THAT is the followup I was hoping for. So you get to work on that self-esteem--far more important than her breast size. The fact of the matter is that people change physically over time; so the fact that you love her so much is a good thing, because she will change over time, as will you.
I trust you are receiving good medical cars for the asthma and have discussed how to exercise with your doctor? My personal trainer has asthma and she does very well in managing it. I think not carrying extra weight and her excellent cardiovascular health has really kept it in check. I think her resting pulse rate is something like 42. There are many ways to get fit without causing illness so be sure to discuss with the doctor!
At 5'2", a weight of 210 puts her BMI at 38 which is classed as obese. She's on the road to all sorts of medical issues. 136 would put her at the high end of normal.
Did you know women who are obese are at a higher risk for breast cancer?
I think the sensible thing to do is for both of you to become healthier, and that you should do it under proper medical guidance. I know you can do it, good luck!
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male
reader, mammer69 +, writes (22 December 2011):
mammer69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTrisha that is not the what I'm working from. I know she loves me and i love her very much. When she first started talking about losing weight i offered to help her. And yes i am insecure. I know it and she knows it too. And i guess i don't give myself the credit that she says i have. I don't look at her as a pair of breasts. Many have accused me of that and have nearly gotten into a lot of fights over that. I don't want her to stay as heavy as she is. I've offered to help her before. And i have been losing weight myself for the past like 4 months I've been running stairs and walking a lot but is very difficult for me because I have very crippling asthma. I don't get a lot of attacks but when they hit I'm down fast. Anyway I'm very committed to her I've stood up for her many times I've helped her out in times of need as she has done the same for me. I've told her many time I would love her no matter what happens to her. and I may have gone a little to light on her weight she may be more like 200 210. I'm not sure, I'm not good not guessing weight. Any way I asked many of these questions because she wants to do this more for the fact of looking good then health. I ask so maybe she could be able to keep some of her current attractive features while gaining others. I love her very much and i don't appreciate some one I don't even know saying other wise. I realized I over reacted but that is no reason to put me in the none caring category. i care about her very much. just because I was worried about her appearance doesn't mean i don't care about her. I've loved her more then I've ever loved anyone. i just had some questions. I would never stop her or sabotage her or leave her because she lost weight. i just wanted to break that image of her being this fat ugly lazy bitch that her family has put in her head before losing all the weight. I wanted to show her she didn't have to be skinny to be beautiful. And I guess I am a little enamored with her breasts but if it came to keeping her or the breasts I'd take her. I wanted to know if there was any way for her to lose weight and still keep them that was pretty much it. So I worded it wrong. But i have seen the errors of my ways.And i know She is more then just a pair of breasts I go together with her because i saw who she really was not this cold hearted bitch she acts like that she is a nice kind loving person. And i love her for that not her size or breasts. I love her for her heart and mind.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 December 2011):
So basically, you're working from a sense of personal insecurity and inferiority? That's why you want her to stay heavy? That's why you are okay with her building up fatty deposits in her arteries and increasing her risk for all sorts of medical conditions? Because you are so enamored of the fatty tissue in her breasts?
She is more than her breasts. She could get breast cancer and lose one or both of those breasts. I know several women who have gone through that. Would you still love her if she did? Because if you couldn't stick around for that, you aren't really committed to her.
She's taking steps to being healthy. She should do it under a doctor's supervision, and she certainly should not do this in an unhealthy or hasty way. Losing 100 lbs to reach 80 lbs is NOT healthy, by the way. That's a disaster waiting to happen. People in my gym have reported seeing anorexics being taken off the gym floor on a stretcher because they collapsed. I understand it's usually because they've robbed their bodies of nutrients needed and that had catastrophic effects on their system.
I would encourage her to do this in a healthy way. I would also encourage you to adopt a healthy lifestyle yourself; you'll find an increase in confidence from good exercise and good nutrition. Then you won't find worrying about imaginary threats to be so necessary.
Let her go get healthy. Why not make it doubly fun and enjoy that journey with her?
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male
reader, mammer69 +, writes (21 December 2011):
mammer69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOne more thought, another reason I asked these things is because well I'm not a very good looking guy, but I'm smart and nice and i guess I'm a little worried that if she loses all this weight she will start looking at other guys and other guys will start looking at her and I'll lose her. i always figured I'd either end up with the real good looking girl that is dumb as a brick and likes big guys with long hair, the girl that has a great personality but is uglier then sin or I'd die alone. When I got with my girlfriend I shortly realized that I (for lack of better words) hit the jackpot. she isn't so smart that she puts me down but is smart enough that she can keep up with me in a conversation. she's fun, funny, nice, easy to talk to, beautiful, one thing that i didn't count on me liking but very open on sexual subject and great in bed. so this is kind of another reason I asked. even though the mental attraction (I think) is strong enough to keep us together I don't want to lose that physical attraction either. we are both very mentally and physically attracted to each other and I don't want to lose any part of it. maybe you guys are right though. maybe I'm just over reacting. maybe she'll lose weight and even though it she won't be what she was I'll still be physically attracted to her. thank you all again for your responses. this did help thank you and maybe I will like her new look.
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female
reader, bluecow +, writes (21 December 2011):
her bmi is around 32, and her ideal bmi would be 20-25ish... so she needs to lose around 3 stone or 42lbs to be in the healthy range.
If she loses 100lbs she would be underweight and at risk of other health conditions.
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male
reader, mammer69 +, writes (21 December 2011):
mammer69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your thoughts. I was never going to stop her from going that is one thing that we have worked on. we talk about what ever we do and we express our concerns and thoughts and then make a decision. I guess I just wanted to try and an protect some of my interests, if that makes any sense at all. but I've told her many times that she is beautiful and complimented her many times. it's her family thought that puts her down all the time and I'm trying to break an image she has of herself and has had for many years. And I've told her about all my fetishes ( all three of them) and she knows I love her the way she is, inside and out. I just worry that she is going to lose all this weight and go from what she is now to something that neither one of us will like (as far as physical goes). I know what she plans to do and i do believe she is planning to lose around 100lb. she is like 5'2 like 180 i think. but these are just stupid things that worry about and think about when I'm trying to sleep. everyone including my GF say i over think things. But for those out there that think I'm shallow I'm not. when I got with her i didn't like big girls, i got with her because I finally got a look into the person she really was and that is Y I asked her out. It was only later that I became physically attracted to her. but when it comes down to it I kinda asked these things for her because like she doesn't think of things like this, and she likes large breasts too. she is like a 36D and she would actually like them bigger.But i know some people don't have problems until after they lose the weight and most from the extra skin so that is one reason i asked that. anyway this is pretty much what i had to say. I just had some concerns and wanted them answered.
One more question do any of you think that maybe Coco butter would help with the retracting skin?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 December 2011):
Please don't be one of those guys who is more concerned about her breast size than her health. That's really not a good place to be. If she loses weight carefully, eating right and exercising well, she'll be just fine. Smaller all over, and best of all, she'll feel and BE healthier. That will be sexier by far than fatty breast tissue which accompanies a fatty heart and a fatty liver.
If you have some sort of fetish then you need to come clean about that. You sound more concerned for yourself than for her. Which thing matters more to you, her health or your fetish?
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male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (20 December 2011):
People are attracted to different body types, that's nothing to feel guilty about. If you like her bigger size, you should make sure she knows that you find her sexy just as she is.However, what wouldn't be okay would be preventing her from doing what she thinks she needs to feel more confident in herself as well as what she needs to ensure she has a longer, healthier life. Don't let your physical attraction get in the way of her doing something she wants to do.You can, on the same note, at least compliment her on her body. Show her that you think she's beautiful and maybe she'll become a little more confident in who she is. But also remember that if she wants to go to the gym, that's her decision.As far as exercises go, if she mixes in general weight training with her work outs, it will help her retain more of a shapely body. Sometimes when people try to lose weight by solely running or cardio, they'll lose a lot of weight in their legs, but the rest of their body won't catch up, giving them an awkward stature. Doing chest exercises (light weight) will work towards keeping her chested shaped up and generally perkier. This isn't guaranteed as body development varies from person to person.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 December 2011):
there are no exercises that will keep or destroy breast tissue. Fat will be lost but breast tissue will remain. The only thing she can do is keep her pec muscles strong....
skin at her age will probably rebound nicely...she needs to eat well including GOOD fats and keep WELL Hydrated inside (water) and out (good moisturizers)
and NO it does not make you a bad person that you like her at her size.... you will still LOVE her because the insides do not change.... but yes I get that whole physical attraction thing... I like bigger guys.. thick.... but my current fella is slight of build and stature... and yet he still rocks my world.... taste can change.....
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female
reader, bluecow +, writes (20 December 2011):
being specific
1 - no. Weight loss happens throughout the body. Despite the myth there is no way to target weight loss. What she can do is target muscle "gain". By working out her pectorals she will be building the muscles behind the breast to help support them.
2 - yes, she needs to lose weight slowly and steadily. Going for fast results means her skin is less likely to spring back. However if she is VERY large she may still have some excess skin.
3 - It doesnt make you a bad person, but it does make you incredibly selfish.
Lets put it bluntly, would you rather have your girlfriend with her big bosooms for the next 3 years? and then she dies from an obesity related health condition.
OR
Would you rather have her here for the next 50 years with slightly smaller breasts?
When your girlfriend loses weight, she isnt only thinking about herself, she wants to be there for you, and any future children you might have.
She will be oozing a new found confidence because she will be believing she is very sexy. You in turn will find that sexy.
What I will say, and I hope its some comfort. If she has big breasts now, she will have big breasts even after losing weight. So whilst they might not be as big, they will still be proportionatly big for her body size.
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female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (20 December 2011):
 Well i suppose you could start saving up for breast enlargement if she does lose weight from her chest.
I appreciate the fact that you are worried that you may not be attracted to her if she loses the weight, put think about the positives. If she loses the weight, imagine how thrilled she'll be, the smile on her face and the spring in her step! She'll ooze confidence, and people find that really attractive!
If she goes to the gym, then with the toning exercises she does the skin should stay taught. I think (don't quote me on this!) that skin sagging occurs with drastic weight loss, such as gastric bypass surgery (stomach stapled) so she should be ok with that.
I don't know if there are any exercises she could do to stop weight loss from her chest unfortunately.
Is she aware of these concerns?? Maybe you should tell her how you feel??
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (20 December 2011):
1. No, you cannot do target weight loss. There is no such thing as losing fat in one area, but keeping fat in another. The fact that she is an overweight woman and she wants to lose a lot of weight - well, there is no telling how much weight she will lose and where. 2. Elasticity of the skin is determined genetically. Doing toning exercises will certainly help to keep things tighter, but if your genetics don't agree, or if you're loosing 100+ pounds, chances are there will be some loose skin.I'm not sure why you're worried about this though. You don't know how much weight she will lose and IF she will achieve her target weight goal. Maybe she won't have this issue at all. 3. It doesn't make you a bad person, just shallow. Her health and self-esteem are much more important than you liking her current breast size. It is her body and there is nothing you can do to stop her from wanting to get into shape. Stop obsessing about it and wait it out. In the end, you don't know how she will look with less weight. For all you know, she could end up looking much better than you ever visualized. At least most men will think so, so if you can't handle the new look, she will find other men do.
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