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male
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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend has recently expressed to me that she is now torn between me and her recently divorced ex-husband. She feels that a lot of the bad blood from him was just him getting back at her for leaving him. Now the two are getting along, and she has been spending more time at his place (albeit mostly for the sake of caring for her kids during the day when he works). She lives with me, and is almost totally dependent on me financially. We had been fighting for about a month or so fairly regularly, but recently had a chance to sit down and calmly agree to try to work stuff out. She is still very much confused, and her schedule as busy as it is leaves me out in the cold a lot. Often her free downtime is spent with her friends(chill place to escape it all), and it is rare we get quality time together. With her overall uncertainties about what she wants, our present state of little quality time, and her near total dependence on me, I am very confused. I am not sure if I am setting myself for a huge letdown, or if despite my affection to her if it is worth it in the long run. What clues can I look for to see she is committed to our relationship, and if I am trying to keep together a lost cause. I care for her deeply, but it's wearing on me contending with the confusion.Thanks
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (26 October 2006):
 From a guy's point of view, its seems like she could be taking you for granted. You support her financially and emotionally. She does whatever she likes and you are a low priority in her life because you chose to be. Someone can only do what you allow them to do, TO YOU. I think your being taken for granted and you need to express this so things can change. If not you will continue this behavior and so will she. Good Luck.
A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (26 October 2006):
 She needs to give you some of her time aswell or this isn't a relationship just a house share, you are giving her alot of security emotionally and financially and maybe she is trying to hold onto that and maybe not the actually relationship as such.
I would talk to her and find out what she really wants from you and if she wants to be with you and commit to you she needs to show it.
Good luck :o)
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A
female
reader, amerthyst0202  +, writes (25 October 2006):
 Firstly I suggest you talk and decided that she has kids time, girls time and most of all quality time with you even if its 2hours you 2 hour kids 2 hour mates so its fair when you divorce its like grieving a death its final and no going back it does tend to cause turmoil in your life(experience) just talk to her be their for her and you will get through it fine she is with you cos she wants to be we all have choices and she chooses to be with you.she just need your love and support Good Luck A
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