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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend has had sex in previous relationships but now says she doesn't like it. I feel hurt because her only reason behind not wanting sex is that she doesn't like it and thinks she has had sex with too many people already, because she is only 17 and had sex with 3 people while in realationships. I feel she is being selfish and am feeling hurt because of this. What can I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Emerald2000  +, writes (14 June 2009):
At least she is showing some integrity, because after all, who wants to get serious with a girl who's slept around. The pity of it is, she should have said what she is saying to "you" to those other guys. Then it could have been really special.It's obviously not right. Let 'er go unless you really think she's "the one".
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): Lots of people would look at this situation and say, "Of course you should stay with her, relationships are not about just sex, and she wants to make yours more special." Stuff like that. That's very fine the dandy, but let me tell you what's probably REALLY going on here. You can decide for yourself whether or not you really like the position you're in:
Your girlfriend has probably had hot & heavy sex with a few other "bad or "dirty" guys. Now the fallout is that she's subconsciously defined sex in her mind as a "bad" and "dirty" thing. It's something that she'll probably continue to do it with more bad/dirty guys in the future. But when it comes to YOU, it sounds like she's decided to try to regain some of the purity & cleanliness she's lost. You're more of a "good guy" type that she wants respect from, not sex.
You have a couple of options:
1. You can stay, play the nice guy, and finish last. She'll use the withholding of sex from you to get some self-respect. You'll help balance out the bad guys that she's been with in the past (and will probably continue to be with in the future). Other guys got sex and left a mess. You don't get sex, but you do get to clean up their messes.
2. You can dump her. Then go find a girl who actually views you in a sexual & romantic way compared to the other guys in her past.
This chunk of advice I'm giving you is not very optimistic & positive. Some would say I'm being downright mean. But somebody's gotta tell you what's really going on. This is a situation where "doing the right thing" usually isn't gonna get rewarded very fairly, and you may someday look back on this and feel like you were a sucker. Stay with her if you want, but don't let her or anyone else bullsh*t you about what's really happening here.
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reader, kiwi +, writes (31 May 2005):
Well i think that your girlfriend may have caught something. Maybe she's trying to give you a CLUE but I guess it's true what they say "LOVE REALLY IS BLIND!" Bottom line she just NASTY!!!!!!
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reader, Cutie_Mish +, writes (31 May 2005):
Maybe your girlfriend is right. 17 is such a young age and if she doesn't like sex and doesn't want to do it then you shouldn't push her. But if you want to prove to her that you like her more then all her other partners and won't simply dump her after having sex, you shuold try to make it very special for her, and build it up, for example, romantic walk followed by a romantic dinner, sit around watching a film, or simply cuddle while talking, then build it up to finally making love! But it might be that she really does like you and doesn't want to ruin the relationship so quickly by having sex, just remember not to push into these things, for they're meant to be special and meaningful!
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